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AIBU?

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Original poster

14 year old actively trying to get pregnant

421 replies

Snowpatrolling · 11/10/2021 22:25

Hoping someone can give me some advice.
Sorry if it’s in the wrong place.

Has anyone had a 14 year old get pregnant?

My daughter behaviour has deteriorated since she met a boy 3 weeks ago.

To the point we now have social services involvement as she told the school I hit her on a regular basis (I don’t)

Had the police out every day last week as she was running away.

She is now actively trying to get pregnant.
Refusing to take the pill or morning after pill.

Does anyone know what happens if she gets pregnant? Can she move somewhere like a mother and baby unit?

Can she claim money?

I’m at my wits end and my mental health is really suffering.

I’ve tried talking to her about how hard it would be and that she should get her educations first, school have tried talking to her. She’s not listening.

Apparently this boys parents are actively encouraging it.

Social services or the police won’t help me. I can’t lock her up in the house as she shoves me and I have my 10 year old here.

I’m so lost and scared. Can anyone help?

OP posts:
Original poster
Snowpatrolling · 12/10/2021 00:20

@TurquoiseBaubles Thankyou, how do I hide the thread?

OP posts:
DuckPancake · 12/10/2021 00:23

Can you show her a video of childbirth?

Original poster
Snowpatrolling · 12/10/2021 00:24

@wheretherainblows

First of all, is there anyway you can get signed off from work by a GP due to stress? If you can afford to do that then please do. Secondly, have you any family a while away that could take her for a month or two? I know that sounds drastic and I've never been in your situation but I'm thinking, my daughter is 8 and I was thinking to myself what would I do in that situation? Well we are in glasgow and I think in this exact situation I would send her to my aunts in Aberdeen, whilst there I would get her in intense counselling and at least it would get her away from the boy. I would take all technology away as well. Just when I was a teenager I remember having much more respect for others than I did my mum, even though I loved her the most and she did everything for me. So I wonder if you have any family, she may tow the line better for them?

I understand you may not have family and I'm sorry that social work are being so shit. I'm actually hoping to start my masters in social work next year and it's disappointing hearing that's the advice you have been given. Surely more must be done, but what? I don't know.

Please take some time off of work if you are in the position to do so. You have two children to think about so you have to take care of yourself first. Sorry you are going through this horrible and very frustrating experience. You must just want to shake her.

If it's any consolation, I was an absolutely awful teen, completely off the rails, started drinking and drugs at 11 and was pregnant at the age of 15...it's been a long road but I'm 29 now and my life is good, I'm in my final year of my honours degree, have my own house, car, amazing daughter and smashing relationship with my mum who I put through absolute hell yet says she would do it all again if she knew this was how I'd turn out.

Thanks and Wine to you!

I think I missed a page of reply’s and just seen this.

I have no family, my mum never wanted me so we are no contact. I lost my dad a few years ago.
I just have my nan left who i care for. She won’t cope with her. My daughters dad doesn’t cate either . Doesn’t want the hassle. If I could send her somewhere I really would just for some respite so I can’t get myself together. I’m on my own.

Thankyou for your advice.

OP posts:
Falifax · 12/10/2021 00:25

I completely agree with this. It isnt normal to saying it - I wonder why she wants to avoid school much? No judgement from me at all. My DD was a school refuser and I wish with all my heart I had let her avoid school because there was some awful stuff happening there.

HemanOrSheRa · 12/10/2021 00:25

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

TatianaBis · 12/10/2021 00:25

[quote Snowpatrolling]@TurquoiseBaubles Thankyou, how do I hide the thread?[/quote]
PM MNHQ and ask them to move it to the Teen forum or OTBT.

Original poster
Snowpatrolling · 12/10/2021 00:26

@DuckPancake

Can you show her a video of childbirth?
That’s also something I’ve not thought of. I’ll try that Thankyou.
OP posts:
CandyLeBonBon · 12/10/2021 00:26

County lines involvement would be my concern. Try getting in touch with the charity Missing People, op. They're very experienced with chaotic teens running away.

Bonsaibreaker · 12/10/2021 00:27

If you go to the top of the thread there should be a down arrow on the right hand side. Click it and it brings up options one of which is hide thread.

I think it depends on if you are in the app or not so I could be wrong OP

I agree hide the thread and re-post in teenagers.

Original poster
Snowpatrolling · 12/10/2021 00:29

@CandyLeBonBon

County lines involvement would be my concern. Try getting in touch with the charity Missing People, op. They're very experienced with chaotic teens running away.
Thankyou I’ll look in into that tomorrow
OP posts:
DuckPancake · 12/10/2021 00:30

@HemanOrSheRa Hmm

Original poster
Snowpatrolling · 12/10/2021 00:30

@Bonsaibreaker

If you go to the top of the thread there should be a down arrow on the right hand side. Click it and it brings up options one of which is hide thread.

I think it depends on if you are in the app or not so I could be wrong OP

I agree hide the thread and re-post in teenagers.

Thankyou have sent a message asking for it to be moved. Thankyou for your help. Will try and get some sleep now.
OP posts:
Original poster
Snowpatrolling · 12/10/2021 00:33

Thankyou for everyone’s help. Some really good advice. Lots of things to look into. Thankyou again.

OP posts:
Knotnowdear · 12/10/2021 00:39

I'm so sorry you are going through this. It sounds remarkably similar to my DD's behaviour at 14. She was given the implant at the time and was subsequently diagnosed with BPD (EUPD) by a psychiatrist. She's now 19 but having that diagnosis meant that we could make sense of her behaviour and adapt accordingly. It was (and to be honest, remains) absolutely horrendous.

CiaoForDiNiaoSaur · 12/10/2021 00:40

Oh op. You poor thing. What a lot of stress to try and deal with. You've already had had lot of good advice.

My friends DD has been planning to get pregnant since she was 14. She's just recently had a baby at 17. Difference was that her Mum was supportive of her.

I hope you manage to get some sleep.

HemanOrSheRa · 12/10/2021 00:46

[quote DuckPancake]@HemanOrSheRa Hmm[/quote]
What? If you've read the thread then you will know that OP has tried everything.

Why would a childbirth video help?!

Sweetpeasaremadeofcheese · 12/10/2021 01:00

I would offer her a money to have the implant. It would be worth every cent.

DuckPancake · 12/10/2021 01:01

@HemanOrSheRa OP said she's going to try it... if you read the thread. It's a deterrent, obviously.

Sweetpeasaremadeofcheese · 12/10/2021 01:05

*some money not a money sorry. Normally I wouldn't want to reward this behaviour but there's no coming back from a baby.

DogsandCatsB4u · 12/10/2021 01:14

Okay I was a child who wanted to get pregnant, why I cannot answer this, maybe missing love or whatever. The boys parents are trash, you need to be here for your BABY she is a baby and your baby. She is missing something, why is she acting this way? Bullied at school? This child should not be having a child

HappyDays40 · 12/10/2021 01:24

OP my best friends daughter was exactly the same at 14. Refusing to come home, wrong boys, drinking and being violent. It lasted about eight months and getting police to help was a joke.
My friend did attend a parenting class and found an excellent support network also some techniques which massively helped her to communicate more effectively with her daughter so don't discount it.
Four years on she is a well rounded 18 year old with a nice boyfriend training to be a nursery nurse.
Sorry its this way OP hope things improve Smile

Annoymouser2 · 12/10/2021 01:28

No way has she fell for this boy in 3 weeks and wants his baby. Somethins going on or went on..
You as her mother needs to find out, search her bedroom while shes out would be your first clue.

Thedogscollar · 12/10/2021 01:30

@GreenLunchBox

Ok I've read enough.

I was one who thought this wasn't real until I read MNHQ's post.

Ok so she must either have undiagnosed special needs or has been through a trauma and has PTSD. Another explanation is a chaotic upbringing with no discipline or boundaries. I'm sorry, OP, but this is the truth.

I can't countenance any of the 'apparently I've got to let her leave the house at 11pm or I'll be arrested' or 'she won't tell me where this 13 year old lives'. She's 14. She doesn't get to dictate. Come on.

@GreenLunchBox No, you come on. You have no clue. Obviously had perfect bloody kids eh?

OP you have my utmost sympathy having been through very similar with a teen boy. Bloody nightmare.
I hope things improve for you all I really do. Please look after yourself. Flowers

Kokeshi123 · 12/10/2021 01:38

When a child goes missing, that takes priority over almost everything else. They would not ignore a phone call about a child being reported missing.

I'm afraid I find the OP's situation only too easy to believe.

"When a child goes missing, that takes priority over almost everything else" would no doubt be true if we were talking about a 4yo.

But with a 14yo? I suspect a lot of police officers will look at the situation and see "Out-of-control little tart who should be left to make a mess of her life, if that's what she wants," not "Child being sexually exploited."

I don't mean that they SHOULD think like this, but I bet a lot of police officers will.

Hawkins001 · 12/10/2021 01:39

All the best op

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