14 year old actively trying to get pregnant

[Snowpatrolling]

Hoping someone can give me some advice.
Sorry if it’s in the wrong place.

Has anyone had a 14 year old get pregnant?

My daughter behaviour has deteriorated since she met a boy 3 weeks ago.

To the point we now have social services involvement as she told the school I hit her on a regular basis (I don’t)

Had the police out every day last week as she was running away.

She is now actively trying to get pregnant.
Refusing to take the pill or morning after pill.

Does anyone know what happens if she gets pregnant? Can she move somewhere like a mother and baby unit?

Can she claim money?

I’m at my wits end and my mental health is really suffering.

I’ve tried talking to her about how hard it would be and that she should get her educations first, school have tried talking to her. She’s not listening.

Apparently this boys parents are actively encouraging it.

Social services or the police won’t help me. I can’t lock her up in the house as she shoves me and I have my 10 year old here.

I’m so lost and scared. Can anyone help?

@Augustbirthdays

Yes, try your GP, good idea. You need time off to be able to sort this out. If not, phone in sick!

I will Thankyou. I just want to sleep so bad. Keep having nightmares. But I will as definitely feeling like I’m about to hit rock bottom again.

I believe you op. My sister was like this from age 13. She was going out with a man though older than 18 and the police did nothing. My mum would report her missing and shed been gone days at a time the police said as long as she was safe (she was with him) there was nothing they could do. This was 18 years ago and now thankfully I think or hope he'd of been done for grooming etc. Unfortunately its tough because your daughters with someone also underage.

My sister also had a social worker, they were useless. The school tried to help but what can you do if someone doesn't turn up.

She did fall pregnant at 15 to a boy her ahe and it was likely the best thing to have happened. She grew up, stopped being such a nightmare. Her daughters 16 now and she's got a few more children, a nice job, good house etc. I think there has to come a time when you have to put your own safety and mental health first and that of your youngest child. If she can't be disciplined shel need to learn the hard way sadly. Its all very well people on the Internet saying, ground her, do this do that but I have a teenager, she thankfully does respect me but if she didn't I doubt I'd be able to put my foot down when she towers above me. I'm sorry you are going through this, I hope things get better.

Ok I've read enough.

I was one who thought this wasn't real until I read MNHQ's post.

Ok so she must either have undiagnosed special needs or has been through a trauma and has PTSD. Another explanation is a chaotic upbringing with no discipline or boundaries. I'm sorry, OP, but this is the truth.

I can't countenance any of the 'apparently I've got to let her leave the house at 11pm or I'll be arrested' or 'she won't tell me where this 13 year old lives'. She's 14. She doesn't get to dictate. Come on.

@Augustbirthdays

Regardless of everything she’s said and done, try and hold on to the fact that this is a little girl trying to be a big girl. She sounds totally out of her depth. You will get through this. Can you make an appointment with the school ASAP? Talk this through with the welfare officer if they have one?

She is my baby. I’m just failing to keep her safe. The Safegarding lead rings me every so often but her school are pretty rubbish. They’ve had to deal directly with social worker today as I couldn’t take anymore phone calls. I will talk to her again tomorrow though. Thanktou

@Scbchl

I believe you op. My sister was like this from age 13. She was going out with a man though older than 18 and the police did nothing. My mum would report her missing and shed been gone days at a time the police said as long as she was safe (she was with him) there was nothing they could do. This was 18 years ago and now thankfully I think or hope he'd of been done for grooming etc. Unfortunately its tough because your daughters with someone also underage.

My sister also had a social worker, they were useless. The school tried to help but what can you do if someone doesn't turn up.

She did fall pregnant at 15 to a boy her ahe and it was likely the best thing to have happened. She grew up, stopped being such a nightmare. Her daughters 16 now and she's got a few more children, a nice job, good house etc. I think there has to come a time when you have to put your own safety and mental health first and that of your youngest child. If she can't be disciplined shel need to learn the hard way sadly. Its all very well people on the Internet saying, ground her, do this do that but I have a teenager, she thankfully does respect me but if she didn't I doubt I'd be able to put my foot down when she towers above me. I'm sorry you are going through this, I hope things get better.

Thankyou for this. I did tell her she’s have to learn the hard way. Glad your sister done well. Fingers crossed for mine.

I absolutely believe you
Had similar issues with one of my DC years ago. Barely any help from anyone.. Some people live in such a naive bubble, having no clue that families like this boy's really do exist and that they're bloody terrifying.
And that previously beautiful kids can turn on a sixpence and become a nightmare.
And no, it's not always the mother's fault at all. "I blame the parents"
They say "call the police " and think magical help will arrive. "Social services will intervene" No, they won't.
They have no idea that you're powerless in this situation. I really get it.
You have my utmost sympathy. You're clearly a great mum.
Please take care of yourself and younger DD or this will push you totally over the edge.
I have zero advice as not even in the UK any more but I wish you strength, you poor thing.

If her behaviour has changed dramatically in a short space of time, are drugs or alcohol at the root of it?
Probably not a lot of help/comfort, but a friend of mine's child was very ohisically abusive, & that was a combination of drugs and alcohol - started when she was 14ish.
If that is the cause, would disclosing it to social services result in them taking it more seriously?

@TheChip

If your child is wanting to leave the house at 1am in the morning, you are not allowed to forcefully keep them inside. I had a runaway child, and I was warned that I wasn't allowed to do that. I had to let her go and report missing. I was told by both the police and children services. My child was 10 at the time.

If that’s true it’s terrible. So you’re supposed to just let a 10 year old child out at all hours to go off and do god knows what, just cos they want to?!

Bollocks to that cos I wouldn’t be doing it. I could ensure their safety if they had gone off on their own so I would have failed at safeguarding them.

Or is the rule different for troubled kids in foster care or something?

@GreenLunchBox

Ok I've read enough.

I was one who thought this wasn't real until I read MNHQ's post.

Ok so she must either have undiagnosed special needs or has been through a trauma and has PTSD. Another explanation is a chaotic upbringing with no discipline or boundaries. I'm sorry, OP, but this is the truth.

I can't countenance any of the 'apparently I've got to let her leave the house at 11pm or I'll be arrested' or 'she won't tell me where this 13 year old lives'. She's 14. She doesn't get to dictate. Come on.

I promise you this is true. Like I’ve said before I wouldn’t have believed a thread like this a month ago.

So she wa attacked first week back at school, that’s when she met this boy also and her behaviour went down hill. I’m still trying to get her support for the attack.

I’ve always disciplined my children and we are quite a calm house hold. I had a bad upbringing and my mum made it clear I was never wanted. So I wanted my kids to have what I never had.

No I can’t physically stop her leaving. I’ve been told by social service if I touch her it’ll be assault.

No she won’t tell me where this boy lives. Social services know but also won’t tell me.

I know she doesn’t get to dictate but how can I stop that when she won’t come home? She’s not here now. At a friends after I told her to be home after school.
Social services said it was best to leave her at her friends. What can I do then?

I can't countenance any of the 'apparently I've got to let her leave the house at 11pm or I'll be arrested' or 'she won't tell me where this 13 year old lives'. She's 14. She doesn't get to dictate. Come on.

You know nothing.
SS told us we could not lock in or restrain DS.
He was also dating and all we knew was that she was behaving the same way.
At one of the many many meetings with SS and the school we were told that DS's girlfriend was heavily involved with SS many problems in the family, DV addictions involved, children removed however they believed the relationship was positive! They would not tell us her name or where she lived.
We eventually met her about 3 months later and although a nice girl her problems and DSs problems were a toxic mix.

@Weatherwax13

I absolutely believe you Had similar issues with one of my DC years ago. Barely any help from anyone.. Some people live in such a naive bubble, having no clue that families like this boy's really do exist and that they're bloody terrifying. And that previously beautiful kids can turn on a sixpence and become a nightmare. And no, it's not always the mother's fault at all. "I blame the parents" They say "call the police " and think magical help will arrive. "Social services will intervene" No, they won't. They have no idea that you're powerless in this situation. I really get it. You have my utmost sympathy. You're clearly a great mum. Please take care of yourself and younger DD or this will push you totally over the edge. I have zero advice as not even in the UK any more but I wish you strength, you poor thing.

Thankyou so much.

I was in the “I blame the parents” brigade not so long ago. Now, I’ve seen the error of my ways and am learning a very harsh lesson.
Thankyou, just hope I can get her some help and fast.

@ThinWomansBrain

If her behaviour has changed dramatically in a short space of time, are drugs or alcohol at the root of it? Probably not a lot of help/comfort, but a friend of mine's child was very ohisically abusive, & that was a combination of drugs and alcohol - started when she was 14ish. If that is the cause, would disclosing it to social services result in them taking it more seriously?

Possibly drugs although she’s denying it.

If she assaults you or your younger child, have her arrested every time.
She will eventually be put in a secure children’s home.

Also, I couldn't physically keep him in as that is assault. And it was made very clear to me that if I "assaulted" him, my younger children would be taken into care. There were plenty of foster places for children aged 8 and 10, apparently .

OP, go to bed. There is nothing you can do tonight. Get some sleep. If she comes back let her in, don't talk to her, go back to bed.

I promise I’m. It making this up. If I was I wouldn’t be on here past midnight reading all the advice.
I wish I was making it up, I’d give anything g not to be in their nightmare anymore.

@BluebelllsRosesDaffodills

If she assaults you or your younger child, have her arrested every time. She will eventually be put in a secure children’s home.

Thankyou, I will. I haven’t so far but I think I need to.

@TurquoiseBaubles

Also, I couldn't physically keep him in as that is assault. And it was made very clear to me that if I "assaulted" him, my younger children would be taken into care. There were plenty of foster places for children aged 8 and 10, apparently .

OP, go to bed. There is nothing you can do tonight. Get some sleep. If she comes back let her in, don't talk to her, go back to bed.

Thankyou, she’s at her friends tonight. I’ve spoken to the mum who’s taking her to school. I’ve also emailed the school to ask them to email me to let me know she got in safe. Thankyou for your help.

Restraining your child is not assault!

Could you take a SIA course to be taught correct techniques?

Is it ‘assault’ if you stop a 3-year-old running into the road?

Parents are allowed to discipline physically in the UK if they want to, they can smack as long as it doesn’t leave a mark.

Also, I couldn't physically keep him in as that is assault. And it was made very clear to me that if I "assaulted" him, my younger children would be taken into care. There were plenty of foster places for children aged 8 and 10, apparently

Told the same thing.
We begged SS to take DS for 1 week so we could have a break and focus on the younger children. They told us no as they had nowhere to put him but the following week after DS trashed my house SS said they could place by 3 DC in Foster care straight away if I failed to keep them safe....

@GreenLunchBox

Ok I've read enough.

I was one who thought this wasn't real until I read MNHQ's post.

Ok so she must either have undiagnosed special needs or has been through a trauma and has PTSD. Another explanation is a chaotic upbringing with no discipline or boundaries. I'm sorry, OP, but this is the truth.

I can't countenance any of the 'apparently I've got to let her leave the house at 11pm or I'll be arrested' or 'she won't tell me where this 13 year old lives'. She's 14. She doesn't get to dictate. Come on.

There it is. Get your thread moved Snowpatrolling

@BluebelllsRosesDaffodills

Restraining your child is not assault!

Could you take a SIA course to be taught correct techniques?

Is it ‘assault’ if you stop a 3-year-old running into the road?

Parents are allowed to discipline physically in the UK if they want to, they can smack as long as it doesn’t leave a mark.

It’s just what social services told me. I don’t know, I’m scared to do anything.

@BluebelllsRosesDaffodills

Restraining your child is not assault!

Could you take a SIA course to be taught correct techniques?

Is it ‘assault’ if you stop a 3-year-old running into the road?

Parents are allowed to discipline physically in the UK if they want to, they can smack as long as it doesn’t leave a mark.

Physically restraining a teenager is classed as assault if the teenager reports it as such.

I agree, op, hide this thread and start a new one in teenagers in the morning. Ignore people who have no experience of this. Every one of us would have thought it was bollocks until it happened to us.

It's really important that you put yourself first for the moment. Get some sleep. Get signed off work if possible. Look after your younger children. Take one day at a time.

I can definitely confirm for a foster child you can not forcefully keep them in or lock the door and not let them out if they ask. For example you can lock the door for safety but then if the child demands to leave you have to open the door. You can advise them why leaving could be unsafe and try to deescalate the situation however if they still want to leave they can and you have to report the child as missing.