14 year old actively trying to get pregnant

[Snowpatrolling]

Hoping someone can give me some advice.
Sorry if it’s in the wrong place.

Has anyone had a 14 year old get pregnant?

My daughter behaviour has deteriorated since she met a boy 3 weeks ago.

To the point we now have social services involvement as she told the school I hit her on a regular basis (I don’t)

Had the police out every day last week as she was running away.

She is now actively trying to get pregnant.
Refusing to take the pill or morning after pill.

Does anyone know what happens if she gets pregnant? Can she move somewhere like a mother and baby unit?

Can she claim money?

I’m at my wits end and my mental health is really suffering.

I’ve tried talking to her about how hard it would be and that she should get her educations first, school have tried talking to her. She’s not listening.

Apparently this boys parents are actively encouraging it.

Social services or the police won’t help me. I can’t lock her up in the house as she shoves me and I have my 10 year old here.

I’m so lost and scared. Can anyone help?

So... Are you not allowed to lock her in just because she's violent? Or are you not allowed to lock children in full stop? Because a lot of people lock their windows and doors before going to bed or have the attachments on the windows where they don't open enough for an escape.

What I mean is, if you've always locked your doors at night, are you suddenly supposed to stop locking them when your child is 14?

There's some really ridiculous advice on this thread. Lock her up? Show her childbirth videos? Have any of you HAD troubled teens??

I thought this too. Give her a 'Baby' doll to look after, watch 16 and Pregnant, babysit.. Like anyone would want their baby around an aggressive, gobby teenager!

It's evident OPs DD isn't listening to reason, if you've read the thread and seen how she's reacting to OP can you imagine saying now let's see how well you look after this doll - and getting a positive response??

And as for letting the boyfriend stay over, OP has said she's been told to keep away from the parents/boyfriend. And there's a 10yo in this equation too, who also needs looking out for! If his parents are indeed pieces of work and they find OP has been taking him in, that's potentially bringing even more trouble to her doorstep.

Good luck getting the phone too, you grab her it’s assault and technically if the phone was given to her as a gift it’s not the parents to take away

So parents are not allowed to punish children by taking away their things either? Is that just the phone, or if they have a games console are you not allowed to unplug it and take that away either?

What exactly can you do in terms of punishment for unacceptable behaviour?

At what age do you go from being allowed to take away devices, to suddenly not being allowed as it's theirs? At what age do you stop being allowed to lock your doors at night ?

@Oswina you're allowed to lock your doors at night, it's just that should they want to leave you're supposed to unlock and let them. If you didn't you'd be seen as holding them prisoner.

@KurtWilde

At what age? 5, 8, 11, 14?

The way they expect you to deal with this is ridiculous.

Just let the teenager do whatever they want.
Lose your other children who are well behaved rather than take the troubled one.
It makes no sense.

@ToughLoveLDN

I’m really sorry you’re dealing with this OP.

Can you welcome the BF into your home? Perhaps if he’s feeling unloved and uncared for in his house you can offer him some
Love and attention. At least if they are at your house you know where they are.

I know things are tight, but can he sleep on your sofa. I’m just trying to think about it in a different way. Perhaps if he feels safe in your home she will follow suit and they won’t want to jeopardise that

No unfortunately not, He came back with my daughter at 11pm last Tuesday threatening me if o didn’t let him stay there call social services and tell them I made them sleep outside. I have my 10 year old here so need to keep her safe

@Oswina

What I mean is, if you've always locked your doors at night, are you suddenly supposed to stop locking them when your child is 14?

It’s a turn lock, not one where I can use keys and hide them. You literally turn the knob on the inside to unlock the door

I behaved similarly, although a bit older (16/17), and eventually was moved to a YMCA. Is that available for those her age ?

@Oswina

Good luck getting the phone too, you grab her it’s assault and technically if the phone was given to her as a gift it’s not the parents to take away

So parents are not allowed to punish children by taking away their things either? Is that just the phone, or if they have a games console are you not allowed to unplug it and take that away either?

What exactly can you do in terms of punishment for unacceptable behaviour?

This has gone far beyond taking away a games console. Honestly, unless you have experience of trying to parent a completely delinquent teenager it might be best to just not comment

I'm sorry you're going through this op. I went through something similar several years ago now and police and SS were next to useless. My daughter was in a relationship with a very violent man. She would bunk off school, steal, be aggressive, lie, run away etc. We got through it by trying to get to the root cause of why she wanted to be with this man. To do that I had to build a better relationship with her, I'll admit I'd took my eye off the ball as I had a very sick younger child and I didn't see her struggling. I was divorced from her dad and then I was away in hospital with her sibling, working, trying to stay afloat. She felt alone. The relationship with her dad wasn't good, he'd constantly put his latest gf ahead of her. She felt abandoned and alone.

I made time for us, a film night in my bed, Meal out, just sitting in her bed late at night eating junk and giggling, she soon started to open up. She was adamant she loved him and so I showed an interest in him, asked questions. Bit my fucking lip so hard when I bumped into him!!!. As our relationship recovered she opened more, and I just listened no judgement. And then he hit her 😢 and she felt able to call me to go help her. And then she pressed charges.

Lots more went on, it was difficult and I definitely didn't always get it right but we got through it all with love and communication. I also pretty quickly realised she needed help with her mental health. Anxiety and depression in teen girls can sometimes come across as bad behaviour. Your daughter sounds like she's suffered a traumatic event. With time if you can be there for her and build a close relationship she will confide in you.

Best of luck x

This has gone far beyond taking away a games console. Honestly, unless you have experience of trying to parent a completely delinquent teenager it might be best to just not comment

Obviously... I was replying to someone who said you can't take her phone away as it is hers if given as a gift, and I was asking if that applies to punishment of children in general, or just teens? I never implied you should take away things to punish this particular child, it was a general question in response to that poster.

She sounds like she could be borderline. I was diagnosed with that at 18, prior to that CAMHS said they suspected I had emerging BPD but I wasn't old enough for a diagnosis.

Way I see it you only have two choices. Try and welcome him - basically lure him in so they spend time at yours and you can get dirt to use against him, or tell social services she needs to go to foster care to protect your other children.

@Ozanj

Way I see it you only have two choices. Try and welcome him - basically lure him in so they spend time at yours and you can get dirt to use against him, or tell social services she needs to go to foster care to protect your other children.

@Ozanj Sound advice If you don't build up trust and a rapour they'll fight against you But then for your own sanity and for the safety of your younger child I'd maybe consider foster care

The reason you can’t take it is because this is a teenager who knows their rights and isn’t afraid to use those rights.

If you take her stuff that’s hers that’s theft if you don’t give them back when asked for. A child in this situation would 100% claim the my parents stole my X won’t let me use this.

Social services have even told the op to not take the phone.

Again with locking the child in, this child wants to actively leave the house and again social services and the police are saying you cannot legally restrain or lock her in if she wishes to leave.

She knows the rules she knows how to play them. That’s the point this isn’t a normal ground the naughty 12 year old because they swore at you this is a child who runs away, wants to become a teen mum and likely takes drunks and drinks a lot. Supported by her boyfriends mum.

They will have op over a barrel one step wrong and social will be on her arse and looking to remove the younger child. Ops got to play by the teenagers rules basically.

Call the police

Ask the gp if you are allowed to give her the implant even if she does it want it. You are protecting her after al.

You can’t force a child into contraception. Christ’s she’s old enough for her own consent to be the overruling one.

Even junkies that have had children removed don’t get forced contraception.

@Skyla2005

Ask the gp if you are allowed to give her the implant even if she does it want it. You are protecting her after al.

Of course OP can't force contraception on her! And no GP or sexual health clinic would agree to it without consent from the patient!

This stuff about not being allowed to lock the door at night, or confiscate possessions, is complete rubbish. It is just obviously on the face of it untrue. It sounds like a child saying their human right to free expression has been denied if their parent turns off the wi-fi. I challenge anyone to provide an authoritative source for it.

@Skyla2005

Ask the gp if you are allowed to give her the implant even if she does it want it. You are protecting her after al.

Huh? You think the GP is going to pin her down and force it inside her body?

I have a child the same age and this is heartbreaking. My daughter still thinks boys are gross but I can imagine her being easily swayed by someone manipulative, such as your daughter has.

I would advise stop talking about pregnancy etc. To me, it's sounding like she's enjoying it and it's making her more determined - the opposite of what you're trying to achieve.

She needs to get away from this boy and his mum asap. Is it at all possible to move?

If you can get signed off sick, I would walk her to and from school and follow her everywhere she goes as much as you can (aware you also have a 10yo to look after).

Won't SS intervene if you tell them his mum is actively encouraging children to have underage sex in her house?

You seem so unsupported and I am so sorry for you. You sound very strong and I can tell you're trying everything in your power.

Ultimately, she needs to somehow be removed from this boy and then get into counselling/therapy to talk through the underlying issues. If she thinks getting pregnant at 14 is a good idea, she seems to lack motivation or ambition for her future.

This sounds horribly tough and you desperately need more support. I'm sorry everyone around you has so far been crap. She needs everyone around her to be on the same team and direct her away from this boy and towards something she is interested in/passionate about.

I'm disgusted that SS won't urgently take action for this boy when his mum is obviously putting both children in danger by permitting them to have sex in her home.

She sounds so angry and I hope when she's older, no matter what choices she ends up making, she will be able to reflect on this time and realise you loved her unconditionally and did everything you could to try to direct her towards a more positive future.