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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she ought to have let me have it?

835 replies

AngeloMysterioso · 11/10/2021 11:21

On my way home from town yesterday I popped into a charity shop for a browse and they had a lovely baby changing bag. I wanted to buy it but didn’t have the arm space for any more stuff and the woman who ran the shop said they couldn’t keep it for me, so I came back into town this morning to get it.
The charity shop still has a utterly daft one way system so it’s really cramped and today I had the pram. Ahead of me was a woman whose Mum (I presume) was standing next to the bags with a pram while she looked at other stuff. In front of them was someone in a wheelchair so I stood and waited until they could move so I could pick the bag up.
The woman then walks back over to her Mum, spots the bag and picks it up. I said “Oh, I was going to get that, I’ve come back into town for it.”

Now in her position, what I’d have done was said on, here you go, and handed it over. However she just shrugged and said “oh, sorry.” And took it.

AIBU to think that’s a dick move and she should have let me have it?

OP posts:
Cantbelieveit101 · 12/10/2021 02:34

Yesterday you should have hidden it away and today you would have it....

LovePoppy · 12/10/2021 02:35

I still don’t understand why you didn’t just say “excuse me I’m here for that bag”

Would have saved so much angst

LovelyBitOfSquirrelInTheWirral · 12/10/2021 02:37

@Cantbelieveit101

Yesterday you should have hidden it away and today you would have it....
I must admit I would have hidden it too 🙈
Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel · 12/10/2021 07:14

@MRex Grin

ASeagullShatInMyEye · 12/10/2021 12:06

@Saoirse82 I think we've moved on from that side alley.

GreyhoundG1rl · 12/10/2021 12:13

People can address any point they want, ASeagullShatInMyEye

washingmachines4 · 12/10/2021 12:14

You sound a little entitled. And I don't buy you would have handed it over in the reverse situation.

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 12/10/2021 12:20

@BoredZelda

Do we not have a diagram yet?

Where’s the wheelchair @JesusInTheCabbageVan?

Chuh, no pleasing some people Grin
gunnersgold · 12/10/2021 12:22

I work in retail , I can confirm that humans as a rule only worry about themselves . They treat other humans and us like the lowest form of life ..very sad really !
Not sure she was in the wrong as such but sorry you didn't get your bag !

FancyAnOlive · 12/10/2021 12:32

it isn't nice calling someone else a dick because they found a bag they liked and bought it! You can't have it all - be rude and entitled and yet expect everyone else to think you're a nice person.

Just look on ebay for a nice changing bag fgs.

UniBallEye · 12/10/2021 12:36

@Saoirse82 I wholeheartedly agree with you - what a horrible, ridiculous piece of lazy stereotyping there!

In my experience the only children I know are far more willing to share than many of the children from larger families, where grabbing for what you want before your siblings get it seems to prevail.

I agree with you that it comes from parenting and is innate in the children themselves whether they're emotionally intelligent or not and that is not entirely dependent on them having siblings or not.

I wish people would stop trotting out these tropes about only children.

GreyhoundG1rl · 12/10/2021 12:36

@gunnersgold

I work in retail , I can confirm that humans as a rule only worry about themselves . They treat other humans and us like the lowest form of life ..very sad really ! Not sure she was in the wrong as such but sorry you didn't get your bag !
People in shops buy what they feel like, without worrying that they're depriving others who might like to buy the same thing... Why is this news to anyone? Op called the woman a dick for not handing it over (because of course she wanted it more); which one is the real example of treating others like shit?!
Gonnagetgoing · 12/10/2021 12:41

@LovePoppy

I still don’t understand why you didn’t just say “excuse me I’m here for that bag”

Would have saved so much angst

But then OP would have to had to have taken the chance that the other woman would've taken it anyway.

I still don't understand why OP (long gone now) thinks she was entitled to this bag.

On another note anyone fancy doing a crowdfunder for OP to buy her a similar bag?! joking.

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 12/10/2021 12:43

Hey, when I first read it i voted YABU BUT I hadn’t read your full circumstances. My heart goes out to you but unfortunately this is the world we live in. I may be fired for this, yet am well off, but the truth is the West’s version of democracy isn’t great. Sorry am not wishing to use your thread for political point scoring so will back off. The world in which we live agrees with those that suggest first seen with money, first come! I get your point! But you need to join a political party to overcome these issues. As a point I’m not a Corbyn supporter and will never be one because half my family are Jewish. BUT nevertheless really believe in what you’re saying i.e. basic human something. If it were me ahead of you then yes I’d have handed it to you, though would have headed home wondering if I was a mug! Why is basic human kindness reduced to Mug or Not Mug. So!!!!! Voted that you were being unreasonable because its the society we live in. But understand your upset. Take a deep breath and consider other societies. Much love

Hands down the best post I've ever read on MN. Grin Have I got this right - you are advising OP in all seriousness to emigrate to a society where everyone would have agreed that she should have the changing bag? Except OP is not really in a financial position to do that, so would effectively need to claim asylum.

OK, well, sounds legit to me.

Sojo88 · 12/10/2021 12:50

YABU and you put this other woman in a difficult position. If I were her I would've probably given you the bag because I am a pushover and assume other people are probably right most the time, but later would've felt angry with myself because the bag belongs to the person who got it first, not just who thought of it first. I'm sorry you didn't get it but a bit surprised you're asking our opinions then telling us we're wrong..

Wills · 12/10/2021 12:52

Hey I was drunk Christ knows why I wrote it bad day/month - 1 glass too many!! It’s not as if wine led to truth - total babble, as for rugby tackling for chez something t shirt - nah won’t go with my tutu!

GreyhoundG1rl · 12/10/2021 12:52

I still don’t understand why you didn’t just say “excuse me I’m here for that bag”

Would have saved so much angst

Op did say this, and the woman who'd got to it first quite rightly ignored her!

Who on earth would respond positively to a peremptory "I'm here for that, actually"? Op was behind her in the queue 🤷🏻‍♀️

LovePoppy · 12/10/2021 12:58

@GreyhoundG1rl

I still don’t understand why you didn’t just say “excuse me I’m here for that bag”

Would have saved so much angst

Op did say this, and the woman who'd got to it first quite rightly ignored her!

Who on earth would respond positively to a peremptory "I'm here for that, actually"? Op was behind her in the queue 🤷🏻‍♀️

But first she waited around

If she’d done that when she got there instead of waiting behind the other woman, this wouldn’t have happened

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 12/10/2021 13:04

@Wills

Hey I was drunk Christ knows why I wrote it bad day/month - 1 glass too many!! It’s not as if wine led to truth - total babble, as for rugby tackling for chez something t shirt - nah won’t go with my tutu!
From now on, every time you get drunk, you have to pencil in some MN time Grin
GreyhoundG1rl · 12/10/2021 13:11

If she’d done that when she got there instead of waiting behind the other woman, this wouldn’t have happened
Oh, you mean before the other woman picked it up? Yes, of course. I don't understand why she didn't either.

IntermittentParps · 12/10/2021 13:22

@FreedomFaith

See, you should have said 'excuse me I just need to reach that bag and I'll be out of your way'.

You lost out because you didn't speak up. Use your voice next time, you have one for a reason. Can't expect people to be nice, no one is these days.

I agree. If she'd then looked at it and gone 'Oh actually I want that' and grabbed it, THEN she would have been being a dick.
Glassofshloer · 12/10/2021 13:33

YABU - I get it’s annoying but it’s first come, first served. I would’ve half expected it to be gone already if I went back the next day anyway. Can you not find the same one on eBay?

Glassofshloer · 12/10/2021 13:40

@AngeloMysterioso

Also you did originally say you asked to buy it and have it put aside but then changed your story to not having enough money and being desperate for the toilet

If she’d been able to save it then yes I’d have paid for it, but that would have literally emptied my account. But seeing as she couldn’t and I was going to have to come back the next day anyway I thought it would be better to wait.

I often find that when a thread doesn’t go OP’s way, some ‘further details’ come out which paint them in a more ‘vulnerable’ light…
CuteGirlsWatchMeEatEther · 12/10/2021 15:05

@Wills

Hey I was drunk Christ knows why I wrote it bad day/month - 1 glass too many!! It’s not as if wine led to truth - total babble, as for rugby tackling for chez something t shirt - nah won’t go with my tutu!
Congratulations on the best drunk post I’ve ever seen on here. It was entertaining
DrSbaitso · 12/10/2021 16:05

@Wills

Hey I was drunk Christ knows why I wrote it bad day/month - 1 glass too many!! It’s not as if wine led to truth - total babble, as for rugby tackling for chez something t shirt - nah won’t go with my tutu!
Don't worry, the audience loved it. I wish I could be that articulate when I'm wasted.
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