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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she ought to have let me have it?

835 replies

AngeloMysterioso · 11/10/2021 11:21

On my way home from town yesterday I popped into a charity shop for a browse and they had a lovely baby changing bag. I wanted to buy it but didn’t have the arm space for any more stuff and the woman who ran the shop said they couldn’t keep it for me, so I came back into town this morning to get it.
The charity shop still has a utterly daft one way system so it’s really cramped and today I had the pram. Ahead of me was a woman whose Mum (I presume) was standing next to the bags with a pram while she looked at other stuff. In front of them was someone in a wheelchair so I stood and waited until they could move so I could pick the bag up.
The woman then walks back over to her Mum, spots the bag and picks it up. I said “Oh, I was going to get that, I’ve come back into town for it.”

Now in her position, what I’d have done was said on, here you go, and handed it over. However she just shrugged and said “oh, sorry.” And took it.

AIBU to think that’s a dick move and she should have let me have it?

OP posts:
vivainsomnia · 11/10/2021 11:36

Totally understandable you'd feel utterly frustrated, having come just for that and see it snapped right in front of you in seconds.

Your legitimate frustration doesn't make the other person wrong though. The world doesn't revolve around you and your needs. She had the same right than you to get the bag and she was there first. If it was such a catch, you would have bought it yesterday and carried it somehow. By leaving it to today, you were taking the chance that someone would get there before you were back.

Original poster
AngeloMysterioso · 11/10/2021 11:38

Can't expect people to be nice, no one is these days.

As evidenced by this thread!

Seriously, I’m the only person who would have not taken it if I’d been her?

OP posts:
ABCeasyasdohrayme · 11/10/2021 11:39

@AngeloMysterioso

Can't expect people to be nice, no one is these days.

As evidenced by this thread!

Seriously, I’m the only person who would have not taken it if I’d been her?

What if you had got there first, picked it up, and someone said "Oh I was going to get that, I saw it yesterday" would you have handed it over?
KarmaStar · 11/10/2021 11:40

You'll find a nicer one so let this go.
She was nbu but you are bu on this occasion.

AlfonsoTheDinosaur · 11/10/2021 11:40

She got there first.

slashlover · 11/10/2021 11:40

@CoronaPeroni

I'm sure if you had paid for it yesterday they would have put it under the counter for you. And the one way system is better suited to prams and wheelchairs etc otherwise (like in my charity shop) there's often gridlock!
We don't keep stuff for people, we don't have a lot of space and people kept saying they'd be back the next day and then not turning up for four days.
Pinkfrescias · 11/10/2021 11:40

Op she wanted it as well. But you would have been happy to take it from her just because you'd already seen it first? Maybe she'd already seen it and come back for it too.

You can't be that nice it you would have happily taken it from someone who picked it up first 😂

Sirzy · 11/10/2021 11:41

She got to it first.

The fact you had seen it yesterday is irrelevant as you didn’t buy it then. Someone could have seen it two minutes after you left and purchased it.

How much stuff did you have that you couldn’t buy a bag there and then? Surely you didn’t like it that much if willing to risk not getting it

SpiderinaWingMirror · 11/10/2021 11:42

Not a dick move on her part at all.
You were genuine. She was not to know that. Just unfortunate really.
What if it were you. Picked up a designer handbag, marked at a fiver and the person behind you said what you had said.You would not have handed it over.

Icecreamsoda99 · 11/10/2021 11:43

Perhaps she needed it more than she thought you did. She also has no way of knowing if you were telling the truth or not.

Understandably annoying for you but she didn't do anything wrong.

Offmyfence · 11/10/2021 11:46

YABU

Lalliella · 11/10/2021 11:46

It’s a bag! Surely you could have carried it across your body or put some of your stuff in it. That’s its very purpose of being!

The only dick move here I’m afraid is from you trying to get the other woman to hand it over. If you’d wanted it that badly you should’ve got there when the shop opened.

Hoppinggreen · 11/10/2021 11:47

@AngeloMysterioso

Can't expect people to be nice, no one is these days.

As evidenced by this thread!

Seriously, I’m the only person who would have not taken it if I’d been her?

Looks like it. As far as the lady was concerned she saw the bag, wanted the bag and bought it It was reserved or put to one side it was just there in the shop. You have had a conversation with a staff member earlier about the bag makes no difference whatsoever. If I picked something up to buy and another customer told me I couldn’t have it because they wanted it i wouldn’t care. You had no more right to it than she did
Original poster
AngeloMysterioso · 11/10/2021 11:47

What if you had got there first, picked it up, and someone said "Oh I was going to get that, I saw it yesterday" would you have handed it over?

Honestly, yes. I’m not a dick nice like that.

OP posts:
FredaFox · 11/10/2021 11:47

Sorry agree with others, she was there first. You should have gone back earlier or bought it yesterday

Cocomarine · 11/10/2021 11:48

I think if you’d posted, “AIBU to be disappointed with such unlucky timing?!” everyone would have said what a shame and felt sorry for you.
But the other woman did nothing wrong - and even is he understood you correctly that you’d made a special return trip for it - I wouldn’t blame her if she assumed that was manipulative bull!

Hopefully you’ll spot one soon that you like more and is cheaper - and you’ll in the end be glad this happened!

Lalliella · 11/10/2021 11:48

@AngeloMysterioso

Can't expect people to be nice, no one is these days.

As evidenced by this thread!

Seriously, I’m the only person who would have not taken it if I’d been her?

But taking it off her wouldn’t have been nice! How can you not see that?
Icecreamsoda99 · 11/10/2021 11:48

Also people are kind on the whole, but it's not like the OP is a pensioner trying to buy the last loaf of bread in the shop, its a nappy bag!

Lalliella · 11/10/2021 11:49

Oh and by the way, one way systems aren’t daft when shops are likely to be crowded. Covid still is a thing you know.

blushmint · 11/10/2021 11:49

@AngeloMysterioso

Can't expect people to be nice, no one is these days.

As evidenced by this thread!

Seriously, I’m the only person who would have not taken it if I’d been her?

If I wanted if, and went specifically for it. Then no.

However if I was just browsing, I would and have in the past, gave it you, as I have done in the past to other shoppers Smile

MRex · 11/10/2021 11:49

Why wouldn't you just have put your other stuff in the bag? Anyway no, she picked it up and then you said you wanted it, so you were being the selfish one in that case by wanting your wishes put before hers.

Bigeggsinapackoften · 11/10/2021 11:49

You snooze you lose. It is a bag how could you not have had arm space - buy it and put stuff in it and put it cross body or on like a backpack depending on shape.

Offmyfence · 11/10/2021 11:50

@FredaFox

Sorry agree with others, she was there first. You should have gone back earlier or bought it yesterday
So if the woman that got the bag had said, but I saw it two days ago, would that trump you?

As for saying you are "nice", self praise is no recommendation!

slashlover · 11/10/2021 11:50

@AngeloMysterioso

What if you had got there first, picked it up, and someone said "Oh I was going to get that, I saw it yesterday" would you have handed it over?

Honestly, yes. I’m not a dick nice like that.

How far back can you call dibs? If she had handed it over and then someone said they saw it on Saturday, would you have given it to them?
Mrgrinch · 11/10/2021 11:51

You've got a strange idea of what makes someone a bad person. Picking something up in a shop and buying it is not a crime.