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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she ought to have let me have it?

835 replies

AngeloMysterioso · 11/10/2021 11:21

On my way home from town yesterday I popped into a charity shop for a browse and they had a lovely baby changing bag. I wanted to buy it but didn’t have the arm space for any more stuff and the woman who ran the shop said they couldn’t keep it for me, so I came back into town this morning to get it.
The charity shop still has a utterly daft one way system so it’s really cramped and today I had the pram. Ahead of me was a woman whose Mum (I presume) was standing next to the bags with a pram while she looked at other stuff. In front of them was someone in a wheelchair so I stood and waited until they could move so I could pick the bag up.
The woman then walks back over to her Mum, spots the bag and picks it up. I said “Oh, I was going to get that, I’ve come back into town for it.”

Now in her position, what I’d have done was said on, here you go, and handed it over. However she just shrugged and said “oh, sorry.” And took it.

AIBU to think that’s a dick move and she should have let me have it?

OP posts:
AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 11/10/2021 21:02

The world in which we live agrees with those that suggest first seen with money, first come!

What would be a “fairer” way?

DrSbaitso · 11/10/2021 21:05

@Wills

Hey, when I first read it i voted YABU BUT I hadn’t read your full circumstances. My heart goes out to you but unfortunately this is the world we live in. I may be fired for this, yet am well off, but the truth is the West’s version of democracy isn’t great. Sorry am not wishing to use your thread for political point scoring so will back off. The world in which we live agrees with those that suggest first seen with money, first come! I get your point! But you need to join a political party to overcome these issues. As a point I’m not a Corbyn supporter and will never be one because half my family are Jewish. BUT nevertheless really believe in what you’re saying i.e. basic human something. If it were me ahead of you then yes I’d have handed it to you, though would have headed home wondering if I was a mug! Why is basic human kindness reduced to Mug or Not Mug. So!!!!! Voted that you were being unreasonable because its the society we live in. But understand your upset. Take a deep breath and consider other societies. Much love
It's a thread about a second hand changing bag...
grapewine · 11/10/2021 21:14

Wills it's a used baby bag. Where does Western democracy come into it?

grapewine · 11/10/2021 21:15

Crosspost with people.

BoredZelda · 11/10/2021 21:17

Do we not have a diagram yet?

Where’s the wheelchair @JesusInTheCabbageVan?

DrSbaitso · 11/10/2021 21:19

@grapewine

Wills it's a used baby bag. Where does Western democracy come into it?
Maybe the whole story was an extended metaphor, like Animal Farm.

Changes the entire reading...

grapewine · 11/10/2021 21:22

@DrSbaitso Ah, yes...

ASeagullShatInMyEye · 11/10/2021 21:27

@JesusInTheCabbageVan

Do we not have a diagram yet?
This diagram actually made me laugh (in a good way), unlike most things on here!
CoronaPeroni · 11/10/2021 22:02

Lol @Wills. Do you ever wonder why people avoid you at parties? Grin

allsorts1 · 11/10/2021 22:29

If someone said that they'd come into town to get something I would have let them have it! It does seem rude. Obviously if you were just heading for it in the store and she got to it first it would be different. Maybe she didn't hear you clearly and just thought you said you wanted it?

DrSbaitso · 11/10/2021 22:30

Obviously if you were just heading for it in the store and she got to it first it would be different.

Why would that be different?

CuteGirlsWatchMeEatEther · 11/10/2021 22:45

@Wills

Hey, when I first read it i voted YABU BUT I hadn’t read your full circumstances. My heart goes out to you but unfortunately this is the world we live in. I may be fired for this, yet am well off, but the truth is the West’s version of democracy isn’t great. Sorry am not wishing to use your thread for political point scoring so will back off. The world in which we live agrees with those that suggest first seen with money, first come! I get your point! But you need to join a political party to overcome these issues. As a point I’m not a Corbyn supporter and will never be one because half my family are Jewish. BUT nevertheless really believe in what you’re saying i.e. basic human something. If it were me ahead of you then yes I’d have handed it to you, though would have headed home wondering if I was a mug! Why is basic human kindness reduced to Mug or Not Mug. So!!!!! Voted that you were being unreasonable because its the society we live in. But understand your upset. Take a deep breath and consider other societies. Much love
Echoing pp, are you on the wrong thread?

You might have let her have the changing bag but I bet you’d rugby tackle her if she wanted the only Che Guevara T-shirt in the shop.

mustlovegin · 11/10/2021 23:12

Sorry am not wishing to use your thread for political point scoring so will back off

Oh dear...

Saoirse82 · 11/10/2021 23:14

Very odd, I actually think you were very rude for telling her you'd come back to buy it, therefore she would have known that you were basically asking her to hand it over to you, that's probably why she didn't let you have it because that was CF behaviour.

Hankunamatata · 11/10/2021 23:17

You have some front telling a person you want something they had already picked out 🤷‍♀️

mustlovegin · 11/10/2021 23:24

Its not an equation....the more stacked against you equals the more people should let you get more than them

Nietszche your post is a bit OTT in relation to the OP. But your comment is spot on and many on MN share this deluded way of thinking

YourFinestPantaloons · 11/10/2021 23:43

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken

The world in which we live agrees with those that suggest first seen with money, first come!

What would be a “fairer” way?

That post was bonkers but I did enjoy this particular line.

It may surprise @Wills to hear that, in shops, goods are procured with money. Even in non-Western societies. Did you not know that? How do you usually procure goods? Do you do a tap dance? Give a racing tip? Play a round of poker?

YourFinestPantaloons · 11/10/2021 23:45

@JesusInTheCabbageVan

Do we not have a diagram yet?
@JesusInTheCabbageVan you absolute beauty Grin
fumfspos · 11/10/2021 23:58

I may be fired for this, yet am well off, but the truth is the West’s version of democracy isn’t great. Sorry am not wishing to use your thread for political point scoring so will back off. The world in which we live agrees with those that suggest first seen with money, first come! I get your point! But you need to join a political party to overcome these issues. As a point I’m not a Corbyn supporter and will never be one because half my family are Jewish. BUT nevertheless really believe in what you’re saying i.e. basic human something

^ This... Absolutely this.
OP, you need to take this advice and join a political party to overcome these issues. There needs to be a great re-set as soon as possible - bring on the revolution. We really can't have people roaming loose in charity shops buying things that someone else saw on a previous occasion but chose not to buy. It's just so selfish and so capitalist.
Make it a crime to do what that woman did.
Poor OP - don't be so downtrodden - stand up for your rights. Charity shoppers of the world unite.

I wouldn't join your party to be honest as I have opposing views... I believe in first-come-first-served.
I don't agree with what you are saying but I will defend to the death your right to say it and your right to set up your own party.

fumfspos · 11/10/2021 23:59

You might have let her have the changing bag but I bet you’d rugby tackle her if she wanted the only Che Guevara T-shirt in the shop.

Hilarious. Post of the day award!

MRex · 12/10/2021 00:16

I can't believe the thread has come this far without anyone saying "bagsies, it's mine".

Saoirse82 · 12/10/2021 00:21

@ASeagullShatInMyEye

My comment was the result of this:

In my 25 years of being a parent and (as a SAHM) thousands of hours spent in school playgrounds and parks and soft play and blah blah blah blah, the most entitled and obnoxious children in my own personal experience have always been only children.

Which is not the same as saying that all only children are entitled and obnoxious (of course they aren't!), any more than it would be saying that all multiple children are nice and polite and share happily (because plenty of them are pretty grabby and unpleasant, too).

The OP's behaviour in this scenario reminds me of many encounters at toddler groups and so on where parents say "Oh but my little Johnnie was going to play with that", when some other child picks it up, rather than saying to little Johnnie "oh well, someone got there first - but there are lots of other things to play with".

(Actually, there are also a fair few PFBs in this category, now I think about it).

It is simply my own experience, based on no science at all.

It's absolute stereotypical rubbish that only children are entitled and obnoxious. Total BS. Several of my friends have only children and they are a delight and the adults I know who are only children are kind and generous. If children are entitled and obnoxious it's down to their parents or their character, it's nothing to do with having siblings or not.
QueenBee52 · 12/10/2021 00:52

@AlfonsoTheDinosaur

OMG I can't believe you'd let her have it smile

If he bag was THAT important, you'd have been at the door for it opening this morning..

If the bag were that important, the OP could have mugged the woman outside of the shop and hopped into a waiting taxi. After all, the OP would have been wearing a mask so no one could have identified her.

Poor planning, OP.

too true 😂🤣

Tevion28 · 12/10/2021 02:15

Its true you wasn't entitled to it but God how annoying for you op. I would have thought oh let her have it I can find another but that's me.

LovelyBitOfSquirrelInTheWirral · 12/10/2021 02:31

Hi OP @AngeloMysterioso,

I think you’ve gone now but I would have given you the bag in these circumstances (as long as you were polite!). I am a pushover though, but that’s another story.
I hope you find another bag, chances are you will now find one which is much better than that one and you’ll be glad you didn’t buy it!🤞