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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think she ought to have let me have it?

835 replies

AngeloMysterioso · 11/10/2021 11:21

On my way home from town yesterday I popped into a charity shop for a browse and they had a lovely baby changing bag. I wanted to buy it but didn’t have the arm space for any more stuff and the woman who ran the shop said they couldn’t keep it for me, so I came back into town this morning to get it.
The charity shop still has a utterly daft one way system so it’s really cramped and today I had the pram. Ahead of me was a woman whose Mum (I presume) was standing next to the bags with a pram while she looked at other stuff. In front of them was someone in a wheelchair so I stood and waited until they could move so I could pick the bag up.
The woman then walks back over to her Mum, spots the bag and picks it up. I said “Oh, I was going to get that, I’ve come back into town for it.”

Now in her position, what I’d have done was said on, here you go, and handed it over. However she just shrugged and said “oh, sorry.” And took it.

AIBU to think that’s a dick move and she should have let me have it?

OP posts:

pteradactyl · 12/10/2021 17:38

I understand your frustration but it wasn't a dick move, sorry

If you'd said excuse me, I just want to grab that bag and ill be out of your way and then she picked it up, thats a dick move

Skysblue · 12/10/2021 17:43

It’s just really bad luck OP. She didn’t do anything wrong. Also she had no way of knowing that you were telling the truth.

If the bag was nice enough that you went back specifically for it then it makes sense that other people would be keen on it too. You were too slow to get back there I’m afraid.

Ineke · 12/10/2021 17:44

I have learnt from experience that if you see something nice and you would like in a charity shop, then you buy it there and then. I looked in the window of a closed charity shop and saw two lovely carved wooden bowls on display. The next morning I went back to get them, but was obviously not early enough as some other keen eyed person had nipped in before me and snapped them up! And as other posters have said, it was a bag so you could have adapted it somehow with your other bags, you may have thought that you would decide whether you wanted it or not over night. The early bird etc…..

browneyes77 · 12/10/2021 17:46

@HoppingPavlova

But what if you had gone back to the shop to find it gone? Anyone could have purchased before you got there!

Another struggling to understand how the bag was that great but you couldn’t have found a way to carry it the day before by putting other things in it or you putting it in something else that was bigger or finding a way to carry it (assuming it had straps?)?

This.

Firstly if I’d have wanted something that badly, I’d have found a way to carry it so I could buy it on the spot when I see it.

For the simple reason that if it’s the only one available, not buying it there and then could mean someone else could buy it once I’ve left it and then I’ve missed out.

Would I be pissed off if I went back the next day and someone grabbed it before I’d had chance to? Yes. And I’d be kicking myself for not getting it when I first saw it.
Would I tell that person buying it I’d seen it first and had come back to get it? No! Because that would be weird and entitled.

Scoobydoobydo · 12/10/2021 17:48

Ha ha she probably didn't want it until she know you did!
If you had kept quiet she would've put it back
Hilar

Vynalbob · 12/10/2021 17:50

Arguably the shop was a bit off.... maybe they'd have held it if you'd paid?

But as they didn't 1st come 1st served and as far as that lady was concerned she got it fair and square.

LovePoppy · 12/10/2021 17:51

@GreyhoundG1rl

If she’d done that when she got there instead of waiting behind the other woman, this wouldn’t have happened Oh, you mean before the other woman picked it up? Yes, of course. I don't understand why she didn't either.

Yes, sorry, I wasn’t clear

LoisLane66 · 12/10/2021 17:55

Must be a pretty big charity shop to have room for two prams and a wheelchair. I think the woman's 'mother?' should have waited outside with the pram instead of taking up so much space if she wasn't shopping for anything.
Unfortunately, I think you're wrong to think she should have handed it to you.
I would have excused myself to those waiting in line and leaned over to the bags and grabbed it.

Halfpace · 12/10/2021 17:57

@SylvanasWindrunner

What if it had come to her in a dream?

Pinklemonade1 · 12/10/2021 17:57

That's the way the cookie crumbles I'm afraid.

31flavours · 12/10/2021 17:57

You sound a bit soft/entitled to be honest, so much so that you had to start a thread about it. You snooze, you lose.

Teatotal2 · 12/10/2021 18:02

I understand it can be diddicult & sounds harsh but suppose no one knows what anyone else is going through.
If you are struggling then please contact your local Children's Centre, they sometimes have items there or would be able to advise where may be able to help with baby items💐

Beastieboys · 12/10/2021 18:06

Is it just me or do people just "grab" at things nowadays..... Nobody seems to "take" or "pickup" something 😒

Madjakelmum · 12/10/2021 18:06

Tough shit!! Suck it up buttercup!!!

saffy2 · 12/10/2021 18:10

@AngeloMysterioso

Can't expect people to be nice, no one is these days.

As evidenced by this thread!

Seriously, I’m the only person who would have not taken it if I’d been her?

I’m cracking up that you think wanting to take it off someone else who also wants it because you saw it first makes you a nice person but the person who had hold of it and didn’t relinquish it because you asked for it is making a dick move 🤔 and the rest of us are not nice for thinking she was well within her rights to buy a bag she saw, she liked, she picked up and some random woman asked for her to give to her instead 😂

Rollonbreaktime · 12/10/2021 18:11

I would have let you have it. Why can't people just be nice. Obviously you wanted it badly to take a 2nd trip in to get it 🤗

Wearethechampionsmyfriend · 12/10/2021 18:11

I think it was rude of her to shrug and walk off with it. I would have handed it over with a smile if someone said oh I've just walked back into town to get that. Maybe I'm a pushover but I feel it would be a nice thing to do for someone. I hate all the snooze you lose claptrap, sometimes it's nice just being nice !

saffy2 · 12/10/2021 18:14

Also I’ve just read your post saying you were waiting for child benefit. You had previously said you’d offered to pay for it and the shop refused to keep it for you. But that’s not actually what happened. You asked them to keep it aside for you with no payment offered. So I’m totally not surprised they wouldn’t do that at all! And now I’m wondering what else has been embellished or not said within this thread. You specifically said you’d tried to pay for it and they keep it for you and they’d said no. And that’s not
True. You now say that you couldn’t afford to pay for it that day.
I’ve been where you are, and it’s tough. But you’re not entitled to a bag any more than the next person just because you’re on a low income. That’s how life works. If you can’t afford things, like many of us can’t, you run the risk of it selling before you can afford it.

BrownEyedGal1512 · 12/10/2021 18:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

BudrosBudrosGalli · 12/10/2021 18:19

Na, you sound like an entitled brat.

Lightisnotwhite · 12/10/2021 18:21

@Rollonbreaktime

I would have let you have it. Why can't people just be nice. Obviously you wanted it badly to take a 2nd trip in to get it 🤗

This. Trouble is saying “ sorry I’ve made a trip back to buy that ” could make you sound a bit entitled and people aren’t kind. “Oh no I knew someone would buy it before I got back “ makes them seem magnanimous if they let you have it.

Plumbuddle · 12/10/2021 18:23

Ignoring the resentment of the other woman for one moment, I do recognise that awful feeling of loss that can come over one when one has fixated on a lovely object in a shop and it's the only one of its kind then it disappears suddenly. That feels horrible. What I do in that situation is key in some of the descriptors into a site like ebay and sometimes an exactly similar item pops up. Those sites are perfect for those second chance purchases and sometimes way cheaper than charity shops, which can have quite high prices at times.

Granjeanne · 12/10/2021 18:23

I honestly think that you haven't got enough to worry about. This is such a small thing. Grow up!

Somethingsnappy · 12/10/2021 18:24

@BrownEyedGal1512

Come on Karen, you didn't buy it when you had the opportunity to do so and now you're throwing your toys out of your pram and quietly hoping that someone here will agree with you.

Not going to happen

I don't think the OP is called Karen, to my knowledge?

momtoboys · 12/10/2021 18:24

Life is too short to worry about stuff like this.

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