To feel sad about my experience in London as an obese woman?

[highhopes321]

I am 29 and have gained about 5 stone in the last 3 years due to insulin resistant PCOS and genuinely eating too much. I am 14 stone 8 (5 foot 3) and carry it mainly in my stomach area. For instance Jeans that I buy are a size 18 and they fit comfortably around my middle but they're baggy on my legs.

Anyway, since I've gained this weight I have noticed I have became more or less invisible to the opposite sex bar a few particular men. I've accepted that, this is where I am at the moment, I need to either do something about it or accept it.

However, last time I was in London I was 9 stone 7. This time obviously I am 5 stone heavier and I have honestly never felt so invisible but also been met with such hostility and judgement in my life. I don't mean invisible in the sense that men don't check me out or give me attention, they don't - but that's not what I'm talking about. I mean proper disdain for my weight.

For instance I was at a club last night, I couldn't find the toilets and asked a man in passing where they were, he said 'do I look like I work here?' I've never experienced anything like that when I was slim. Me and my friend would try and speak to people and were met with curtness and treated as if we were social pirañas.

I had been standing at the bar for ages and all the slim, pretty girls were getting served before me. If anyone made eye contact I would smile and be met with a look of disgust or disdain.

I went to the ned for my lunch yesterday and the waitresses would stare at my stomach and serve me with a smirk on their face almost a 'what is she doing here' look. The people I was with also noticed this.

Today on the flight back I noticed a woman keep staring at me, when we made eye contact I smiled and she literally scowled at me.

I know I'm large, I know that but I have good hygiene, I make an effort with how I look, do my make up, wear clothes that I think look nice and I am comfortable in. I'm very friendly.

This has worn me down as I literally have left London feeling like complete shit. It really had spurred me on to lose some weight so I suppose that is a good thing.

Just wondering if anyone else has been through this and AIBU to let this effect me?

I've been fat and thin in London, and can't say I've noticed any difference in how I'm treated. Most people are nice. Some people are not

I dont think it's your weight, covid gave people the ticket to be hostile to others so people are generally less friendly now to strangers.

I really don’t think it’s your weight OP, people are just rude sometimes but if you’re feeling self conscious about it you’re going to perceive it being about that.

I’m much bigger than you and haven’t experienced this other than men no longer hitting on me which isn’t really a bad thing!

@user1473878824

I really don’t think it’s your weight OP, people are just rude sometimes but if you’re feeling self conscious about it you’re going to perceive it being about that.

This.

What makes you think it was your weight? I'm very fat and went to London recently. Haven't noticed being treated any differently to anyone else.

Men give women attention = outcry
Men don't give women attention = outcry

Only on mumsnet...

I've been a size 18 before and I have never noticed this type of behaviour, I've gotten a bit more male attention when slimmer but I actually think this is a confidence issue rather than anything else. I've seen other women post similar things about when they've gained weight but in all honesty I don't think there's been any difference in how I'm treated only my mindset. Sorry you were left feeling that way, I'm not dismissing your feelings but could you be hyper sensitive due to a lack of confidence and maybe you didn't notice rude people the same way when you were slimmer?

@Aqua55

Men give women attention = outcry Men don't give women attention = outcry

Only on mumsnet...

That's not the issue as clearly stated in the OP

@user1473878824

I really don’t think it’s your weight OP, people are just rude sometimes but if you’re feeling self conscious about it you’re going to perceive it being about that.

This i think because it makes you feel uncomfortable you think every minor thing it’s because of the weight

I am obese and never had any negative comments or treatment.

I think you might be projecting a bit OP! People are sometimes dickheads, that's all - it won't be about your weight. You're just conscious of it.

I'm exactly your size (might be a bit heavier actually) and I worked in London, nobody gives a toss trust me.

Walking through Zurich train station though, where the vast majority are very slim and exist on coffee and cigarettes and I was easily the fattest person in existence - that was uncomfortable!

I am invisible to men though, that's for sure. Meh, their loss, I might be fat but I'm a riot. Ask my DH.

I think you are feeling self-conscious about your weight. I am tall and slim and haven't had any attention from people when in London since about the age of 30. I have encountered rude arseholes in public places no matter at every age and no matter what I look like.

The not being served in bars is definitely a thing. I've noticed the same. I'm am a size 18/20 now (thanks to a malfunctioning thyroid and eating too much), used to be a size 12 (I'm 5'9). This isn't just in London though; I've noticed this generally in posh/swanky bars also up north.
At wetherspoons et al they couldn't care less.

Thanks all, maybe I am projecting then. I am very down about my weight.

I think you mean social pariah, though being a social piranha would be an excellent way to deal with rudeness. I'm sorry you had such a negative experience though.

I think the bar thing is possibly true, people are generally attracted (not sexually I’m meaning, just drawn to) to people that are slim and pretty so will probably naturally go the them first

YANBU. I've been obese and very slim (and everywhere in between) and the difference in treatment is noticeable. Imo people are fat phobic, but they don't always realise (or admit) it.

Having lost 5 stone I do think people react differently but I do think part is because you give off a different energy if you are happy in yourself. If your weight is on your middle could you look pregnant and dirty looks are due to alcohol/none pregnancy friendly food not your actual size.

It really won't be anything to do with your weight, op. Why do you think Londoners in particular have an issue with overweight people?

That's just London as a normal woman I'm afraid op!

I'm 5ft4 and a size 12. Same shit.

@TriciaMcMillan

I think you mean social pariah, though being a social piranha would be an excellent way to deal with rudeness. I'm sorry you had such a negative experience though.

I think you're right 😂

I’m over 14 stone and 5ft 4, size 16. Plus I am heading rapidly for 50.
I live in The North and don’t recognise what you describe here, I also went to London last week for work and everyone was pretty friendly.
I’m sorry you felt uncomfortable but I’m not sure your size caused an issue

I agree that it's likely not your weight. You're not that big that you would stand out IYSWIM- there are plenty of plus sized people in London.

I would say it's more likely that some people are arseholes and covid hasn't helped.

And btw, I'd rather be carrying a few extra stone than to be one of those thoughtless gits.