To feel sad about my experience in London as an obese woman?

[highhopes321]

I am 29 and have gained about 5 stone in the last 3 years due to insulin resistant PCOS and genuinely eating too much. I am 14 stone 8 (5 foot 3) and carry it mainly in my stomach area. For instance Jeans that I buy are a size 18 and they fit comfortably around my middle but they're baggy on my legs.

Anyway, since I've gained this weight I have noticed I have became more or less invisible to the opposite sex bar a few particular men. I've accepted that, this is where I am at the moment, I need to either do something about it or accept it.

However, last time I was in London I was 9 stone 7. This time obviously I am 5 stone heavier and I have honestly never felt so invisible but also been met with such hostility and judgement in my life. I don't mean invisible in the sense that men don't check me out or give me attention, they don't - but that's not what I'm talking about. I mean proper disdain for my weight.

For instance I was at a club last night, I couldn't find the toilets and asked a man in passing where they were, he said 'do I look like I work here?' I've never experienced anything like that when I was slim. Me and my friend would try and speak to people and were met with curtness and treated as if we were social pirañas.

I had been standing at the bar for ages and all the slim, pretty girls were getting served before me. If anyone made eye contact I would smile and be met with a look of disgust or disdain.

I went to the ned for my lunch yesterday and the waitresses would stare at my stomach and serve me with a smirk on their face almost a 'what is she doing here' look. The people I was with also noticed this.

Today on the flight back I noticed a woman keep staring at me, when we made eye contact I smiled and she literally scowled at me.

I know I'm large, I know that but I have good hygiene, I make an effort with how I look, do my make up, wear clothes that I think look nice and I am comfortable in. I'm very friendly.

This has worn me down as I literally have left London feeling like complete shit. It really had spurred me on to lose some weight so I suppose that is a good thing.

Just wondering if anyone else has been through this and AIBU to let this effect me?

@Lessofallthisunpleasantness

Don't go to Japan then! Being overweight is one of the many no no's that are considered quite socially unacceptable. I guess it works as you don't seem to see any fat people there at all. I don't know if there aren't any, or they don't go out!

Sumo wrestlers?

Sorry you have come across some people with crappy attitude!!!! I am also on the larger side and trying to loose weight (slow slow slow process). I haven’t really come across many people with mean attitude in London. Try to focus on your own attitude to yourself rather than others. 💐

I agree with pp that it's probably more to do with how you're feeling about yourself although there are certainly fattist people out there too.

I'm a size 8-10 and often feel the same in London tbh.

Some people are just arses OP.
Work on your confidence, you are unique, you are friendlier than they are and you are fabulous, you just need to believe it.

It’s not you, it’s London (or anywhere, tbh).
Well, that makes zero sense...

I think you’re projecting

This has nothing to do with London

It has everything to do with your insecurities

Not to be nasty but fat people are everywhere, including in London. There’s really nothing peculiar about your weight/size that would lead to people to notice you and treat you like this. They have their own insecurities to deal with.

I also hate the comments saying “this is London for you”. I have never experienced this in London and I lived there for years.

I was in London yesterday. I found people to be rude. I have had visible surgery lately and people were staring on the tube as I don't wear a bandage and its on my neck (very prominent as recent surgery). I have a BMI of 22,. London is just that sort of place. BTW I have insulin resistant PCOS. I used to be 14.5 stone. I started Metformin at 30...and low carb diet. Weight dropped off and stayed off 2 decades later. Look into treatment options, it boosts your energy when the insulin is normal range. It also means less side effects like weight gain, hair, missing periods and so on.

London is just that sort of place
It really isn't.

I am a fat person. I have decided to interpret people looking at me as people giving me ‘admiring glances’, after all, I am fat but I am also attractive, intelligent, well turned out and wildly entertaining, so why wouldn’t they look?

I feel a lot better about myself these days.

Sorry you're feeling this way but it's not the London I've lived in for 25 years. I am much larger than you.
London is so diverse in shapes, races and sizes.. people don't look, don't care..
Have you tried Paris?? Awful.. everything you described I have experienced it..
Take care of yourself. Xx

@GreyhoundG1rl

London is just that sort of place It really isn't.

I agree it really isn't.

It's one of the most diverse cities in the world and just like all other cities, has a fair few fat people.

I don't think this is unique to London, sadly. I've experienced this sort of crap all over the UK.

However, anyone worth knowing won't judge you on your weight. I was your age and a size 18 (I also carry most of my weight round the middle) when I met my now-husband in a pub - we've been married 15 years. He says he was attracted to me straight away (and he is very slim).

Not much consolation when you have been the victim of this sort of shit, I know. I hope you meet decent blokes, not twats, on your next night out wherever that might be .

Head North. People are much friendlier there.

@TheCanyon

What do you want us to say then? Being a size 18 is grossly overweight yes, and no, folk won't chat to you as much because of it but what? What difference will that make in your life? Fuck all. Be fat, be thin, be whatever you like.

This comes across as quite unkind. There was no need to write anything if you thought it was a pointless question.

I don't know if it was because you were in bars and clubs, rather than as another poster said somewhere like Weatherspoons. I was watching Judi Love on Strictly last night. She is incredibly confident and I wonder if that influences how she is perceived. I am sorry you were upset by the way you felt you were treated. It is a reflection on them, not you.

It is your weight and this is worse in London.

I've been obese and slim and visit friends in London every year.

I've really noticed a difference everywhere in how you are treated when you are fat Vs thin.

London also is slimmer than my home town so I feel like it's worse there.

I think people on here also forget that size 18 on a shorter person wears v differently to a taller person, so yes people may have been size 18 and not experienced it in London but this does not mean that the ops experience is not valid.

However, also agree that London was already unfriendly, covid has not helped that, so it may have exaggerated your experience.

As somebody who's fluctuated from being underweight, to overweight and now back down to a 10/12, skinny privilege is 10000% a thing and you're not being unreasonable. Fat phobia is much more common than people think.

YANBU. I've been obese, I've been slim. Definitely treated differently. Being on the large side filters out shallow, unkind, judgy people very quickly. When slim, I've found it harder to tell who's genuinely nice.

A lot of people saying your projecting but honestly I’ve felt the same way. Last time I went to a big city I felt like a grandma after gaining 3 stone (also due to PCOS and just lockdown life). It was like the old, thinner me was gone and I didn’t know the person in her place. Maybe it’s vain but I was so used to getting attention, having people chat to me, go out of their way to help me etc. that I’d taken it for granted. As a fatter woman that stuff was gone and I honestly felt irrelevant and an inconvenience. Especially when eating out! Not sure if it coincided with also turning 30 but it’s absolutely spurred me into losing some of my chub!

It's not you . It's London .

@TheCanyon

What do you want us to say then? Being a size 18 is grossly overweight yes, and no, folk won't chat to you as much because of it but what? What difference will that make in your life? Fuck all. Be fat, be thin, be whatever you like.

Grossly overweight? Fucking hell.

Assuming you're not just being deliberately goady, do you have this disgustingly judgemental fat-shaming attitude in real life?

I’m sorry you’re down about your weight/size OP. Might this be affecting how you come across to people? That you dislike yourself and have a subconscious apologetic air or lack of confidence ?

I’m a, ahem, larger lady myself and had a weeks holiday in London a few weeks ago. Having heard how rude Londoners were I was surprised at how nice and helpful everyone was. Didn’t encounter rudeness or judgement at all.

I'm sorry this has happened to you, OP. Some people are just obnoxious for the sake of it. Don't waste your valuable time thinking about them. They don't deserve it.

@SkiingIsHeaven

Head North. People are much friendlier there.

Slightly off topic … but what was the Ned like? I’ve often thought about going there.