Page 5 | To feel sad about my experience in London as an obese woman?

Suprima · 27/09/2021 08:20

It depends where you are in London. If you were 19 and obese with rainbow hair in Brixton Market, I’m sure people would have been kinder.

But generally, people will treat you worse if you are heavier. I’m overweight and chunkier than I should be at the moment. I am pretty with a halo of long blonde hair, so when I am slimmer- I have experienced people rushing to see if I am ok if I am walking around looking confused, service staff being nice and people generally being more polite and more careful.

I am finding it harder to get served in pubs now and people definitely don’t mince their words so much. I also had a group of men on the wind up at the pub the other week, nothing cruel or bullying, genuinely just ‘banter’- and I hate that bloody word….but 10kg ago they wouldn’t dare talk to me and would be eyeing me nervously across the room.

If you have insulin resistance swap to Keto eating. You will feel better. X

Cactus1982 · 27/09/2021 08:21

Aren’t they like this with everyone in London?

Loudestcat14 · 27/09/2021 08:22

@highhopes321

Thanks all, maybe I am projecting then. I am very down about my weight.

It sounds like you are doing that. You're assuming people are looking at you negatively because that's how you feel about yourself. I'm overweight and live in London and I've never felt like that. Although one woman did call me a fat cow in the park because she made a big fuss of not letting a dad of Middle Eastern descent sit next to her on the only spare bench because she 'didn't like the look of him' and I called her out for it. I'll happily be a fat cow for that!

SkiingIsHeaven · 27/09/2021 08:41

@Somethingsnappy spot on!

Maddy456 · 27/09/2021 08:49

Oh bless you. London is a cut throat place! I felt very lonely when I was there. But don’t look back use all your energy to look forward and make positive changes and live your best life x x x

IntermittentParps · 27/09/2021 09:04

@TikTokNutcases

I don't think it's your weight OP.

I live in London, have for 5 years, but didn't pay much notice to how rude and anti-social people here are until we went on a little UK break to a seaside town recently and it was like a different world. Strangers saying good morning as they passed, engaging in polite chat in cafes, kind comments to/about the DC.

Walking down my local high street or going up central is a different matter, people are so rude. I get tutted at for being in the way, people barging past, pushing in queues, if you have the temerity to smile at somebody you're met with a blank stare at best but usually

I think you live in the wrong bit of London. While 'town' can be a bit impersonal (because it's full of transitory people and visitors/tourists) I've lived here 20 years, in four different areas in Zones 1 and 2, and recognise your seaside town experience but not your London one. In fact IME people in smaller places are often unfriendly. In my London neighbourhood I get smiles, 'good morning's, polite chat in cafes and shops etc.

GianaSister · 27/09/2021 10:33

@DoofusRick
Sumo wrestlers?

That “law” only applies to Japanese citizens aged 40-75 so most sumo wrestlers wouldn’t fall into that category as they would have retired. Not sure if it’s expected that they slim down to the acceptable waist size (33.5 inches for men, 35.5 for women) after their career has ended but it’s not an actual law, people don’t get fined (though employers can be) or imprisoned if they are overweight.

Lightswitch123 · 27/09/2021 12:53

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TurnUpTurnip · 27/09/2021 13:10

RobinPenguins · 27/09/2021 13:13

@lawandgin

YANBU. I've been obese and very slim (and everywhere in between) and the difference in treatment is noticeable. Imo people are fat phobic, but they don't always realise (or admit) it.

I agree, it’s really noticeable the way you are treated once you get above a certain size.

coolhwip · 27/09/2021 13:25

I think you’re right, OP. I was around 8 stone for much of my adult life and was mostly treated well, both men and women were helpful.

Then I put on around 3.5 stone about 7 years ago. I LOVE the fact that I don’t get cat called or leered at or propositioned by men anymore. What I don’t love is the hostility from men. It’s like because I’m
of no use to them anymore as eye candy, that I am now a target for aggressive behaviour, and I have been verbally and physically abused for daring to things like go to the supermarket.

I’ve started losing weight and have already noticed that I am being treated differently yet again. Shops refund me for things when I’m a couple of days past the deadline. Markets give me a discount that they didn’t before. Colleagues bring me things as soon as I ask for them.

It’s a shallow, fickle world we live in.

Bluntness100 · 27/09/2021 13:42

Honestly op, you say it’s not about getting male attention but you do repeatedly mention it in your op.

I’ve been to London both fat and thin and sure blokes give you less attention fat, but it’s not just London blokes and rude people exist everywhere.

I mean are you really sure it was about yout weight and you didn’t just meet some arehole people?

Ionlydomassiveones · 27/09/2021 13:59

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This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Somethingsnappy · 27/09/2021 14:00

@Lightswitch123

Good for you OP wanting to loose weight. In truth I think being very overweight is one of the biggest turn offs in the modern world. A lot of people seem to think its ok to be obese when frankly it's enormously bad for you and quite disgusting.

Whoa....!!

Pedalpushers · 27/09/2021 14:02

The average UK size is 16, I really don't think that many people would notice someone being 18, let alone enough for everyone you come across to be scowling at you.

Your mentality and self esteem does affect how you're perceived but also how you respond to situations. At the bar for example, I bet you don't push forward or make moves to grab their attention when they hover between people? Pushy people get served first, not thin people.

RobinPenguins · 27/09/2021 14:02

@Lightswitch123

Good for you OP wanting to loose weight. In truth I think being very overweight is one of the biggest turn offs in the modern world. A lot of people seem to think its ok to be obese when frankly it's enormously bad for you and quite disgusting.

That’s not really relevant though, is it? No one is saying you have to get into a relationship with a fat person, just not be a cunt to them in public. I think people who smoke weed are revolting, but I will be as polite to someone who stinks of weed as I am to someone who doesn’t.

Polkadots2021 · 27/09/2021 14:04

@highhopes321

I am 29 and have gained about 5 stone in the last 3 years due to insulin resistant PCOS and genuinely eating too much. I am 14 stone 8 (5 foot 3) and carry it mainly in my stomach area. For instance Jeans that I buy are a size 18 and they fit comfortably around my middle but they're baggy on my legs.

Anyway, since I've gained this weight I have noticed I have became more or less invisible to the opposite sex bar a few particular men. I've accepted that, this is where I am at the moment, I need to either do something about it or accept it.

However, last time I was in London I was 9 stone 7. This time obviously I am 5 stone heavier and I have honestly never felt so invisible but also been met with such hostility and judgement in my life. I don't mean invisible in the sense that men don't check me out or give me attention, they don't - but that's not what I'm talking about. I mean proper disdain for my weight.

For instance I was at a club last night, I couldn't find the toilets and asked a man in passing where they were, he said 'do I look like I work here?' I've never experienced anything like that when I was slim. Me and my friend would try and speak to people and were met with curtness and treated as if we were social pirañas.

I had been standing at the bar for ages and all the slim, pretty girls were getting served before me. If anyone made eye contact I would smile and be met with a look of disgust or disdain.

I went to the ned for my lunch yesterday and the waitresses would stare at my stomach and serve me with a smirk on their face almost a 'what is she doing here' look. The people I was with also noticed this.

Today on the flight back I noticed a woman keep staring at me, when we made eye contact I smiled and she literally scowled at me.

I know I'm large, I know that but I have good hygiene, I make an effort with how I look, do my make up, wear clothes that I think look nice and I am comfortable in. I'm very friendly.

This has worn me down as I literally have left London feeling like complete shit. It really had spurred me on to lose some weight so I suppose that is a good thing.

Just wondering if anyone else has been through this and AIBU to let this effect me?

Its a sad reality of life that this happens but Tbh OP you don't sound happy and you need to lose weight for your own health & happiness (just going off the vibe of the post, that you seem unhappy in yourself). If the experience has spurred you into action that's a great thing as ultimately the quality of your life - and, bluntly, how long your life is likely to be - is all going to be a lot better for you if you get healthier.

People being assholes is another thing altogether though, nobody has the right to make you feel bad. You'll lose the weight but they'll still be assholes.

2021namechanger · 27/09/2021 14:06

I’m a Londoner and went on my first “post lockdown” night out this weekend - in Liverpool. I’ve put on a lot of weight too - and trust me I felt more out of place there than I would have in the Ned!

Lightswitch123 · 27/09/2021 14:31

I am just pointing out what we all know yet many are scared to admit. Being obese is NOT healthy. It doesn't matter how many other people are also obese, it's not good for you. It is a multisystem disease that shortens your life massively. I think there is a human instinctive reaction to an obese person that everyone has yet not all consciously realise. This is probably what the OP is noticing. She wasnt describing people being rude (or c^,ts as you so politely put it). She has just noticed a slightly different reaction to her, and its because obesity is not healthy and human instinct is not be repelled. Same as with other diseases. I appreciate this is an uncomfortable truth for some.

fiftiesmum · 27/09/2021 14:32

Not actually been to the Ned but walked past it enough times to see that the door staff look down their noses at everyone and appear to be dislike everybody in the queue (although a few London venues are like that).

bringincrazyback · 27/09/2021 19:19

@Lightswitch123

Good for you OP wanting to loose weight. In truth I think being very overweight is one of the biggest turn offs in the modern world. A lot of people seem to think its ok to be obese when frankly it's enormously bad for you and quite disgusting.

Not as disgusting as the vile fat-shaming you just indulged in. Who do you think you are??

CliftonGreenYork · 27/09/2021 19:33

I used to be really fat (over 20 stone) and lost it all about 4 years ago. I now have a healthy bmi and can say people treat me massively better now. I get much better service in shops/restaurants and people often smile at me in public. When I was fat I was invisable. There is a huge prejudice towards 'fat' people and this starts as children.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 27/09/2021 19:39

@Schoolisback1973

Sorry you're feeling this way but it's not the London I've lived in for 25 years. I am much larger than you. London is so diverse in shapes, races and sizes.. people don't look, don't care.. Have you tried Paris?? Awful.. everything you described I have experienced it.. Take care of yourself. Xx

Which is weird because I've been in Paris and not recognised this treatment, despite being told that it would happen all the time - people were absolutely lovely to me, even with my atrocious French that I hadn't used since I was 13 years old.

Crunchymum · 27/09/2021 19:52

I'm short and fat (bigger than you OP) and I live in London.

Can't see I've ever felt mistreated due to my weight. Although granted I'm a bit older and not out in clubs and restaurants etc.

Do you think your own insecurity about your weight could mean you are seeing things that aren't there? People are pretty rude and miserable in London (lots of scowling In general)

The bar thing pisses me off. I never used to get served quickly even when I was a size 8!!

Orla1970 · 27/09/2021 20:00

@Lightswitch123

Good for you OP wanting to loose weight. In truth I think being very overweight is one of the biggest turn offs in the modern world. A lot of people seem to think its ok to be obese when frankly it's enormously bad for you and quite disgusting.

Did you think telling the OP that being obese is “quite disgusting” would help her in any way? What a nasty piece of work you are