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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want a hairdresser to massage my head?

182 replies

Whatamess582 · 03/09/2021 21:40

I go to the hair dresser to have my hair washed cut blowdried and occasionally coloured. By a trained professional.

I go to a trained masseuse for a massage

WHYYYYY does almost every hairdresser (or training assistant…. or whoever washes my hair) now have to massage my head, without asking, when they are conditioning my hair? And why is it up to me to say ‘please don’t’ when they start…. Or to preempt it when I don’t know for absolute certain that they are going to do it and feel really awkward? I really dislike telling people I don’t like what they are doing. Couldn’t they just ask?? Like opt in instead of opt out?

I dislike it so much. The sensation, the noise of my wet hair being massaged… urrrrgh! I don’t ask for it. I don’t think they are trained in it. It’s not pleasant in any way.

Am I the only one who thinks this?

OP posts:
Theworldishard · 03/09/2021 22:08

@NomNomNominativeDeterminism

I mean what next? Maybe madam would like a foot massage while waiting for the stylist? Of course! No need to ask first! How about a shag up the arse with a styling wand? All perfectly normal! If she doesn’t like it she can just say.
🤣🤣
Shesaysso · 03/09/2021 22:08

I absolutely hate it too- I really wish they’d ask
if you want it done.

IWasBornInAThunderstorm · 03/09/2021 22:08

@UnfinishedBunting

I simultaneously dislike and like it 😄.
Same! It's so awkward but also relaxing at the same time!
Heatherjayne1972 · 03/09/2021 22:09

I don’t mind the actual massage bit. What I hate is the sink digging into your neck - made worse by them massaging your head

Original poster
Whatamess582 · 03/09/2021 22:09

@FrankButchersDickieBow I don’t know….. i get weird about it. I probably should just tell them but I sit there worrying about it throughout the wash…. I rarely remember before the wash but as soon as the water goes on and they are touching my hair I remember and start to worry. Today I went and I just sat there while she didn’t it. Thankfully she didn’t put a lot of effort in and it was over in maybe 30s, if that, but the whole time I wanted to grab her hand and say ‘stop PLEASE’

Hair salons are strange places. People lose the ability to say what they like or don’t like the second they walk in there. I once had to tell a Vidal Sassoon director i hated what he had done (in front of a class) because he had seen tears running down my face and asked me what i wrong. I was so sorry for ‘potentially’ upsetting him that I went back with a bottle of wine that night and left it for him to say sorry. 🙄 no other establishment could make me feel so bad about making myself heard but hair salons….. I’m a total wimp.

OP posts:
Thadhiya · 03/09/2021 22:11

I hate it, but I've no problem just saying.

I find it weird they never ask. They just start weirdly massaging you and you never know if it's some treatment they think you paid for, a freebie offered by the salon or just a singular random weirdo.

Original poster
Whatamess582 · 03/09/2021 22:12

@NomNomNominativeDeterminism

I mean what next? Maybe madam would like a foot massage while waiting for the stylist? Of course! No need to ask first! How about a shag up the arse with a styling wand? All perfectly normal! If she doesn’t like it she can just say.
Grin

Exactly

OP posts:
RockPaperScissorLizardSpock · 03/09/2021 22:16

@Bethany7

I love it so much! However I totally see your point and they should ask. I know my mum doesn't like it either.

On a separate note, perhaps I need go start a thread on this (?!) but I love having my hair played with and genuinely wish I could pay someone to play with my hair! I know that will sound weird to many. I have had a head massage a couple of times but it's not the same as having your hair played with. Unfortunately my little girl gets bored v quickly when playing with my hair!

My teenage DD loves having her hair played with too Smile. She hadn’t asked for some time, but asked me the other day. I enjoy brushing it also.

I love a head massage at the hairdressers.

Original poster
Whatamess582 · 03/09/2021 22:17

@Shesaysso

I absolutely hate it too- I really wish they’d ask if you want it done.
Yes exactly. Just ask. Would you like a head massage? They ask me if I want tea or coffee….. in fact the range of teas and coffees are so extensive I sometimes wonder if they have buddied up with Starbucks. They ask me if I want a hair treatment. What I want done to my hair. They consult me on colours and cuts and even blow dries…. Why not the massage???
OP posts:
woodhill · 03/09/2021 22:18

I think that They are trained to do this as part of their hairdressing course

Crikeyalmighty · 03/09/2021 22:19

I think it’s the best bit- in fact if I could pay for double time I would —- but in all fairness some are much better at it than others

Original poster
Whatamess582 · 03/09/2021 22:20

I’m so glad I’m not the only one….. I actually LIKE head massages when done by a proper masseuse….

OP posts:
RockingMyFiftiesNot · 03/09/2021 22:20

I love it and always ask them not to rush.
But if you don't like it, tell them before they start washing your hair.

Mum2jenny · 03/09/2021 22:21

YANBU as I hate a head massage. Wash my hair is ok, but fuck around with my head Is not ok

ChateauMargaux · 03/09/2021 22:22

Oh god.. yes, I totally hate it.

I also cut my hair myself most of the time ... but want someone to do it properly but exactly like I tell them.. BUT THEY DON'T!!

I don't care if they think it shouldn't be like X Y or Z.

I recently tried out a new hairdresser and was really happy so sent my kids along. After a few weeks, the cut grew out a little and it needed tweaking.. so I went in with my son when he was having his done and asked if she would fix it and book another appointment .. and she told me I should wait 6 weeks and then come back... instead I have hacked it myself and at least from the front, it looks how I want it... aaarrgghhh I thought I had had finally found someone who would listen!!!

whereislittleroo · 03/09/2021 22:23

YABU haha. It is my favourite part of getting my hair done. If I am trying out a new hairdresser and they don't do it, I cross them off my list of options Grin

everythingbutthesink · 03/09/2021 22:24

I hate it also and tell them not to but YABU as when training to become a hair dresser and been shown how to shampoo this is required and your taught to do this with every wash....
Surely it isn't causing you that much pain to say at the beginning " I don't want a massage today thanks "

MarshaBradyo · 03/09/2021 22:26

I ask for them not to

Can’t bear it either. But still many go on auto pilot

Funnylittlefloozie · 03/09/2021 22:27

Can't you just use your words and say, oh don't worry about the head massage? This is about the tenth thread whining about the trauma of going to the hairdressers, virtually all of which could be avoided by people just speaking up and saying what they want.

cricketmum84 · 03/09/2021 22:27

@UnfinishedBunting

I simultaneously dislike and like it 😄.
Same!! I like the sensation but it gives me weird shivers!

It's like those head massager devices with all the metal prongs!

FizziWater · 03/09/2021 22:28

I loathe it. I now say as I sit at the basin, " just a very quick wash then rinse and please don't rub or massage" . I get a Hmm but I don't care.

Dongdingdong · 03/09/2021 22:29

YABVU. If you don’t like it then why not just say so? Confused

FinallyHere · 03/09/2021 22:29

In the right hands (sic) this is lovely.

My hairdresser owns the salon. She is very gifted choosing colour and cutting. Her head massage is fine

The youngest member of staff is still training. She needs to check colour with the owner and mostly does blow dries rather than cutting.

Her hair massage is a real pleasure.

Patty101 · 03/09/2021 22:30

@Bethany7 Same! In my house if I'm watching something on TV and my husband wants to put football on, he's only allowed to turn it over if he plays with my hair while he's watching it.

And sometimes, when I know there's a match on that he'll want to watch, I get to the TV first and pretend I'm watching something just so that he will play with my hair.

I'm trying to train my son to do it, but he's really into learning to tie knots at the moment so it's really not a good time for me to get him involved!

rookiemere · 03/09/2021 22:31

I've found my people. I hate it and do ask them not to do it - then over tip in case they think I'm weird. Thankfully I think they've written it down on my card now as it hasn't happened the last few times.