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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want a hairdresser to massage my head?

182 replies

Whatamess582 · 03/09/2021 21:40

I go to the hair dresser to have my hair washed cut blowdried and occasionally coloured. By a trained professional.

I go to a trained masseuse for a massage

WHYYYYY does almost every hairdresser (or training assistant…. or whoever washes my hair) now have to massage my head, without asking, when they are conditioning my hair? And why is it up to me to say ‘please don’t’ when they start…. Or to preempt it when I don’t know for absolute certain that they are going to do it and feel really awkward? I really dislike telling people I don’t like what they are doing. Couldn’t they just ask?? Like opt in instead of opt out?

I dislike it so much. The sensation, the noise of my wet hair being massaged… urrrrgh! I don’t ask for it. I don’t think they are trained in it. It’s not pleasant in any way.

Am I the only one who thinks this?

OP posts:
user1496146479 · 03/09/2021 23:27

YABU!
This is the best part of the hairdresser

Looubylou · 04/09/2021 07:54

I don't mind it, but it is odd that they don't ask, and I do think it's a tad awkward. I'm on edge if they have enormous nails. It's rude to assume they aren't trained - I'm pretty sure all the younger ones at least will be.

takehomepay · 04/09/2021 08:11

Ugh people like you ruin it for the rest of us. The head massage is the best bit of a wash/cut/dry.

Just say you don’t need the massage.

Elmrosie · 04/09/2021 08:14

YANBU - I absolutely hate it and hate that I feel like I'm being a twat when I ask them not to do it. Just ask first!

takehomepay · 04/09/2021 08:15

Or why not just say no head massage when booking.

Pushkinia · 04/09/2021 08:22

I can't stand a head massage either! I have a good excuse, I have trigeminal neuralgia and it sparks the pain, so if it's a hairdresser I haven't seen before, I mention it before she starts washing my hair.

ClumpingBambooIsALie · 04/09/2021 08:31

I think there's a difference in how people are conceptualising the goal of a trip to the hairdresser. To those who say it's the "best part", I suspect what they're paying for is the experience as well as the end result. For people like me (someone who doesn't like surprise head massages), it doesn't feel like part of getting your hair done because it doesn't contribute towards the result that's been asked for (shorter, differently shaped, or differently coloured hair) and therefore saying it's the "best part" is a bit incomprehensible. It's someone doing something weirdly intimate just because they happen to be in that area. We feel we're paying for a result, and the had massage

ClumpingBambooIsALie · 04/09/2021 08:32

Ugh accidentally pressed post too soon, so it's a bit waffly and trails off. I'm sure the gist is there.

MissyMooKins · 04/09/2021 08:43

They tell us to do this when we are trained. My college did anyway.

seaandsandcastles · 04/09/2021 08:44

YABU! It’s my favourite part.

Just speak up and say you don’t want it.

Whatwouldscullydo · 04/09/2021 08:49

Yanbu

Its horrible.

I no longer use a salon now because I got sick of all the " extras and upsales" there seemed to be while the basics of getting hour hair cut and coloured seemed to he the last thing they gave a shit about.

I now have a lovely hairdresser who works from a converted room in her house who doesn't try and flog me stuff and who knows I don't want my head fucked about with.

ClumpingBambooIsALie · 04/09/2021 08:55

It feels like if… I dunno, having someone come round to clean your oven came with a 50% chance of an automatic free cuddle. It feels unrelated to what you've asked for, unwanted, too personal, too intense, but you'd feel funny about preemptively saying to the oven cleaning person that you "don't want a cuddle" in case they weren't planning on doing one anyway, cause then you'd feel like a presumptuous twat for assuming they were. Or if they were planning on the cuddle, it feels like they might feel affronted by your ice-queeniness Grin

Lockdownpudding · 04/09/2021 08:55

My hairdresser (love her!) know that I want a spray, cut, rough dry, and go.
As far as I'm concerned it's a haircut and a necessity evil.
I have had trouble in the past with hairdressers not wanting to let me leave the premises before I've been subjected to a wash/condition/massage/cut/full blow dry/ product application.
Current lovely women (has a private studio) understands me. I tip her quite well 🙂

FreeBritnee · 04/09/2021 08:56

Love it. Particularly when they have long nails (now I sound a bit creepy 😳).

Lockdownpudding · 04/09/2021 08:58

@Whatwouldscullydo

Yanbu

Its horrible.

I no longer use a salon now because I got sick of all the " extras and upsales" there seemed to be while the basics of getting hour hair cut and coloured seemed to he the last thing they gave a shit about.

I now have a lovely hairdresser who works from a converted room in her house who doesn't try and flog me stuff and who knows I don't want my head fucked about with.

I could have quoted you, @Whatwouldscullydo, and saved myself some trouble 😂
Snoopsnoggysnog · 04/09/2021 09:01

I hate it as well, but my salon always asks so I just say no thanks.

I also hate hate hate having my hair washed by a trainee with long sharp nails. It’s dreadful and I won’t tip. How is that allowed?? Envy not envy

gofg · 04/09/2021 09:02

I think it's supposed to help with scalp health though?

Yes it is, you are supposed to massage your scalp when you wash your hair. Doesn't bother me at all.

gofg · 04/09/2021 09:05

For people like me (someone who doesn't like surprise head massages), it doesn't feel like part of getting your hair done because it doesn't contribute towards the result that's been asked for (shorter, differently shaped, or differently coloured hair) and therefore saying it's the "best part" is a bit incomprehensible. It's someone doing something weirdly intimate just because they happen to be in that area.

"Weirdly intimate" is a bit OTT surely. And it does contribute towards the result of what you have asked for as it is part of the washing process. It really isn't some weird "extra".

ClumpingBambooIsALie · 04/09/2021 09:09

No, it really does feel weirdly intimate to me if someone massages my scalp in anything more than the necessary "quickly rubbing the shampoo in" kind of a way. If I want my blood flow stimulated, I can do that myself in the privacy of my own home Grin

YorkshirePuddingsGreatestFan · 04/09/2021 09:11

I paid extra once for a relaxing deep conditioning experience. It sounded fabulous on the "menu" about a head massage and lavender aromatherapy to leave you destressed and a deep condition for your hair.

In reality I was taken over to the sink and my hair washed as usual. She put the conditioner on and at this point, a workman came in to talk to her. She put a lavender scented eye mask over my eyes, prodded my head a couple of times and said "I'll just leave you there to chill."

So I was bent backwards with my head in the sink, my eyes covered up and I had her and the workman standing right next to my head discussing the proposed improvements that required digging up the road outside and putting flood defences in further down the street.

Ended up more stressed and uncomfortable than before I went in!

Bethany7 · 04/09/2021 09:12

That's so funny!
I'm going to try this!

Bethany7 · 04/09/2021 09:13

Please excuse message above. I'm new to mumsnet and I thought I was replying to someone who had mentioned me

Apologies!

FinallyHere · 04/09/2021 09:24

To anyone who does not enjoy the experience, please, just say no.

Why do you wait, or want to be asked, so you can decline? Just.say.no massage thank you.

RampantIvy · 04/09/2021 09:30

@FinallyHere

To anyone who does not enjoy the experience, please, just say no.

Why do you wait, or want to be asked, so you can decline? Just.say.no massage thank you.

I agree. It can't be that difficult to say "please just wash my hair, I don't want a head massage"
Titsywoo · 04/09/2021 10:10

@ClumpingBambooIsALie

No, it really does feel weirdly intimate to me if someone massages my scalp in anything more than the necessary "quickly rubbing the shampoo in" kind of a way. If I want my blood flow stimulated, I can do that myself in the privacy of my own home Grin
Intimate seems an odd way to describe it. Do you find it arousing or something?