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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want a hairdresser to massage my head?

182 replies

Whatamess582 · 03/09/2021 21:40

I go to the hair dresser to have my hair washed cut blowdried and occasionally coloured. By a trained professional.

I go to a trained masseuse for a massage

WHYYYYY does almost every hairdresser (or training assistant…. or whoever washes my hair) now have to massage my head, without asking, when they are conditioning my hair? And why is it up to me to say ‘please don’t’ when they start…. Or to preempt it when I don’t know for absolute certain that they are going to do it and feel really awkward? I really dislike telling people I don’t like what they are doing. Couldn’t they just ask?? Like opt in instead of opt out?

I dislike it so much. The sensation, the noise of my wet hair being massaged… urrrrgh! I don’t ask for it. I don’t think they are trained in it. It’s not pleasant in any way.

Am I the only one who thinks this?

OP posts:
CottonSock · 04/09/2021 10:13

Someone once did my head massage with vinyl gloves on. I wanted to run away screaming. Why did I not speak up. Usually enjoy it.

Ijustknowitstimetogo · 04/09/2021 10:16

I love it and go back to the ones that do a good massage! I avoid booking with the ones that don’t do it.

lockdownalli · 04/09/2021 10:21

It's actually my favourite part!

ClumpingBambooIsALie · 04/09/2021 10:25

Intimate ≠ sexually arousing Confused

I find it intimate because it's an intense physical sensation which provokes an emotional reaction, induced by a stranger touching me in a manner in which I'd normally only be touched by someone I had a close personal relationship with.

freeandfierce · 04/09/2021 10:25

I'm a hairdresser, we are trained in various massage techniques which are part of the shampoo and condition the hair and scalp service. The various massages we use (around 4) all have a specific benefit to the hair and scalp with regards to relaxation, promoting hair growth, stimulating sebum, blood flow etc. If done correctly they should be comfortable and relaxing. It's unfortunate that some hairdressers don't demonstrate the movements correctly or apply the correct ones to meet the need of the clients hair and scalp. Anyone who uses their nails to massage should be told to immediately stop before they cause damage to the scalp. As a hairdresser this is the best service to carry out, it relaxes me as much as my client! I have one client who books on with me every Friday after work purely for a shampoo and condition service as she loves the massage, it eases her stress. I have clients who ask me not to massage too, it's not effective to cleanse without massage but I respect their request without any offence. Each to their own!

EmeraldShamrock · 04/09/2021 10:31

Before they start tell them no head massage, plenty of people request different things at the basin.
It wouldn't be a problem.
I love the massage, trips to the hairdressers are a real treat, free head massage after a long colouring process is ace. 😊

GreekMIL · 04/09/2021 10:31

I hate it too. Mainly because I'm over 6 foot and having to do a back bend over the chair to get my shoulders to line up with the sink is incredibly uncomfortable. If I can lay over a massage chair for the head massage then I'd probably enjoy it.

GeorgeMichaelBluth · 04/09/2021 10:36

Joining the other posters asking whether you're supposed to close your eyes or not. I hate staring up but otherwise have to pretend to be so relaxed when I'm just not Confused

FreeBritnee · 04/09/2021 10:38

@ClumpingBambooIsALie

No, it really does feel weirdly intimate to me if someone massages my scalp in anything more than the necessary "quickly rubbing the shampoo in" kind of a way. If I want my blood flow stimulated, I can do that myself in the privacy of my own home Grin
🤭. You really do sound like your accusing them of masturbating you.
EmeraldShamrock · 04/09/2021 10:51

You really do sound like your accusing them of masturbating you.
I was jealous assuming pp has a major sensory sex drive. 🤣
Seriously say no, tell them it causes the hair to get greasy quicker if you need an excuse.

FreeBritnee · 04/09/2021 10:52

I mean I know it feels nice but not that nice!!! 🙈

lemmein · 04/09/2021 11:12

Hate them! I'm quite short so I always feel like I have to stretch my back and shoulders to fit properly on the back wash, but then my feet are just skimming the floor so I'm basically levitating with all the weight on my neck Confused I can endure the torture for a quick wash but not a massage - least relaxing thing ever!

lockdownalli · 04/09/2021 11:18

My hairdresser has basin chairs that recline with an extended leg and foot lift effect (not explaining this very well am I but hopefully you get the drift!)

That way it's far more comfortable and relaxing, regardless of height.

PurpleFlower1983 · 04/09/2021 11:21

I love it but I think you’re right that they should ask.

FinallyHere · 04/09/2021 11:35

if you need an excuse.

You never need an excuse.

The hairdressers are taught head massage as an additional service. If the client doesn't like it, they will of course not do it.

After the first time you say no, thank you, they should remember but if I wanted to be sure, I would always catch their eye, smile and say remember me, I'm the one who prefers no massage.

No biggie.

There is no value in life putting up with things for no reason whatsoever.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 04/09/2021 11:37

Oh I love it. Its the reason I go to that particular salon.

Tavelo · 04/09/2021 11:50

I usually enjoy the head massage but there had been one or two occasions, usually when the hairdresser has false nails on, where it feels like a dying bird of prey clinging to my head lol.

ClumpingBambooIsALie · 04/09/2021 12:16

@EmeraldShamrock

You really do sound like your accusing them of masturbating you. I was jealous assuming pp has a major sensory sex drive. 🤣 Seriously say no, tell them it causes the hair to get greasy quicker if you need an excuse.
Just… very intense sensory experience, sexual or otherwise. Can be amazing, can be bloody awful!
Piglet89 · 04/09/2021 12:21

They always ask first at my hairdresser and it is HANDS DOWN my fave bit of the haircut.

I’m always absolutely baffled that anyone would refuse such an offer but reading this thread is enlightening!

IReallyCantThinkOfAnything · 04/09/2021 12:54

100% agree OP, I hate it.

Bellagonna · 04/09/2021 13:05

@ClumpingBambooIsALie

Intimate ≠ sexually arousing Confused

I find it intimate because it's an intense physical sensation which provokes an emotional reaction, induced by a stranger touching me in a manner in which I'd normally only be touched by someone I had a close personal relationship with.

Yes, this.

It's like going to get some new shoes and the shop assistant deciding to give you a foot massage while measuring your feet. It also evokes an odd status divide too.

Also why should the onus on the customer to pre-empt and say no? Why can't they just ask?

Original poster
Whatamess582 · 04/09/2021 14:10

@ClumpingBambooIsALie
Yes my thoughts exactly. It’s not something hairdressers did when I first started going to salons in my late teens or 20s…. It’s a recent addition and it’s an assumption that everyone should have it.
Even if it is part of the training I’m still not sure why they don’t ask beforehand. I have never been asked so I’m surprised to hear that some people are always asked…. Should it be up to me to ask them not to? I don’t know. I get awkward about these things. But I think now I’m going to say it, offending them be damned! All the hairdressers on here have said ‘tell them’ so I will.

OP posts:
nocoolnamesleft · 04/09/2021 14:12

Yeah, thinking about it I suspect part of the dislike is that you're in such an uncomfortable position when they do it, but seem to be expected to relax. It already feels as though the edge of the basin is trying to dislocate my neck before they start applying pressure.

readingismycardio · 04/09/2021 14:14

I absolutely love it - however, I do agree that they should ask beforehabd

ISpyCobraKai · 04/09/2021 14:17

Last time I went to the hairdressers Dd was 12, she's now just turned 20.
I can't stand strangers touching me and would leap off the chair in horror if they started a head massage.