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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who gets the boots?

162 replies

Bootdilemma · 31/08/2021 07:30

About 5 years ago I bought dd2 a pair of long riding boots. She wore them for a couple of years then gave up riding. Dd3 started wearing the boots. She's worn them almost every day for three years. Along with me, she does all the looking after of our two horses. The boots are falling apart, cracked, one has a hole in. But they are "the most comfortable boots in the world" apparently.

Dd2 has a gap year job in a school that has horses. At interview they mentioned she might be able to ride out with the little ones. Dd2 wants to take The Boots, saying they were bought for her originally so they are her boots
Dd3 is livid as she wears The Boots everyday and feels that as she does all the horse stuff at home, she should get The Boots

Neither want a new pair of boots

Help me solve this ridiculous dilemma as both of my normally kind sensible dds have become fixated on the Boots.

YANBU - DD2 TAKES THE BOOTS TO HER GAP YEAR JOB
YABU - DD3 KEEPS THE BOOTS TO WEAR AT HOME EVERYDAY

OP posts:
Lovinghannah · 31/08/2021 09:34

DD2 needs to buy second hand ones from ebay with her own money.

JayAlfredPrufrock · 31/08/2021 09:36

@NormanStangerson

Google the school on here. If any of the threads still stand.

zingally · 31/08/2021 09:38

Obviously DD3 should have them!

DD2 gave them up when she stopped riding. Has she shown ANY interest in the boots since this gap year job became a thing?

Notaroadrunner · 31/08/2021 09:39

@Bootdilemma

I do want Dd3 to keep them as she works very hard with the horses everyday

But also dd2s job is quite a big deal when a lot of her friends aren't doing anything except partying on their gap year so I want to support her too

So tell her to get herself a new pair and offer to pay towards it. There's no way in hell she'd be getting the boots if she were my dd. She gave up any rights to them when she gave up riding. Lucky for you they weren't wasted when your dd3 put all her effort into riding and helping out with the horses. Dd3 deserves to keep them.
TheOrigRights · 31/08/2021 09:41

I know NOTHING about horses and even less than nothing about riding boots, yet here I am listing after a pair of Ariats!

DD3 gets the boots.

annacondom · 31/08/2021 09:43

Maybe get DD3 to give DD2 a token payment? Or you compensate DD2 in some way? DD 3 should keep them. How long is the job? Will they just be away for a short time?

Original poster
Bootdilemma · 31/08/2021 09:43

Thank you all. I have rescued the short boots (also Ariats!!) and the leather chaps (also Ariats!!) and will give them a good clean and polish and offer to buy dd2 lunch out before she goes off this evening and fingers crossed she will be mollified Grin

I suspect dd3 has 'left The Boots at the stables' as they seem to have disappeared...

OP posts:
Original poster
Bootdilemma · 31/08/2021 09:44

@TheOrigRights

I know NOTHING about horses and even less than nothing about riding boots, yet here I am listing after a pair of Ariats!

DD3 gets the boots.

Grin

like everything I suspect the newer versions aren't as long lasting!

OP posts:
Whinge · 31/08/2021 09:45

I suspect dd3 has 'left The Boots at the stables' as they seem to have disappeared...

Just double check with DD3 that she knows where the boots are. It could be that DD2 has packed them away to try and take them with her.

Original poster
Bootdilemma · 31/08/2021 09:45

@Whinge

I suspect dd3 has 'left The Boots at the stables' as they seem to have disappeared...

Just double check with DD3 that she knows where the boots are. It could be that DD2 has packed them away to try and take them with her.

ooh yes! I will do that
OP posts:
Ninkanink · 31/08/2021 09:46

she rode a lot for 10 years and competed to quite a high level for her age, so she does have a very horsey background. She gave up to concentrate on her A levels and also had a nasty fall which knocked her confidence.

I think the boots are a link to a part of her life that will always be very special to her, and maybe officially giving them up to her sister is very difficult for her for that reason. She may have quite complex emotions around having to give up her riding - even if she lost her confidence that doesn’t actually mean she’s lost her love of riding. As long as her sister was just using them but they were still hers, she was okay with it. But now she’s off out into the world, and maybe she wants to feel some of that confidence she used to feel and has latched on to the boots as some sort of talisman.

I’d talk to her and see if that might make any sense to her.

It could also be that she would feel a bit awkward turning up with a brand spanking new pair of boots...

However I do think that as your other daughter has worn the boots every day for years, they’re moulded to her feet now and it makes more sense for her to keep them.

Dentistlakes · 31/08/2021 09:48

DD3 should keep them since she’s been wearing them for the past 3 years. DD2 is being ridiculous.

Original poster
Bootdilemma · 31/08/2021 10:02

I think the boots are a link to a part of her life that will always be very special to her, and maybe officially giving them up to her sister is very difficult for her for that reason. She may have quite complex emotions around having to give up her riding - even if she lost her confidence that doesn’t actually mean she’s lost her love of riding. As long as her sister was just using them but they were still hers, she was okay with it. But now she’s off out into the world, and maybe she wants to feel some of that confidence she used to feel and has latched on to the boots as some sort of talisman yes this may be part of it, although she did actually fall off in those very boots

OP posts:
Kiduknot · 31/08/2021 10:02

I do see both sides.

TheWeatherWitch · 31/08/2021 10:04

Eldest child can not lay claim to clothes long since handed in to older child!

Oogachuckachopsy · 31/08/2021 10:06

[quote JayAlfredPrufrock]@NormanStangerson

Google the school on here. If any of the threads still stand.[/quote]
Holy shit.

Original poster
Bootdilemma · 31/08/2021 10:08

Dd2 isn't going to St ethelbergas!!

OP posts:
Ninkanink · 31/08/2021 10:10

@Bootdilemma that’s why there might be complex emotions around the boots - you can love horses and riding and still feel unable to ride, and maybe the boots conjure up those feelings - wistfulness, sadness, happiness, good and bad memories, and giving up something you loved. Just because she doesn’t ride much anymore doesn’t mean she didn’t absolutely love it then, and she probably still does deep inside. She might have felt she had to give up riding at the time, but that doesn’t mean she didn’t/doesn’t sometimes want to go back to it. The boots might represent that somehow.

I do think it’d be best for her sister to have them. But I also understand why she wants to keep them and why it might be important to her that they’re still ’hers’.

I hope you find a solution!

OrangeCinnamonCocktail · 31/08/2021 10:10

@Lovinghannah

DD2 needs to buy second hand ones from ebay with her own money.
Yes agreww, or possibly from Vinted /facebook
NormanStangerson · 31/08/2021 10:14

@Bootdilemma

Dd2 isn't going to St ethelbergas!!
I know, and thank god. I hadn’t realised what had happened at that school and just remembered the leaflets in the mags. I always thought it looked dreamy, being able to take my pony to school. Fuck that. Sad those poor kids.

Anyway, I hope D2 hasn’t squirrelled the prestigious, worn Ariats away

Oogachuckachopsy · 31/08/2021 10:15

@Ninkanink naaaah, you’re being kind. She just wants to look like a proper horsey type with worn out old Ariats. New boots are horse world social suicide.

Mummyoflittledragon · 31/08/2021 10:20

Hopefully this is now resolved and I agree your dd shouldn’t wear the old boots as she could hurt her feet. Ariat chaps don’t come cheap so she’s hardly going to look out of place.

Idk how much time she will spend with the horses. Doesn’t she have long stable boots? She’s only going to be on a dobbin if she ends up out with the younger children so I imagine these would suffice?

Ninkanink · 31/08/2021 10:21

[quote Oogachuckachopsy]@Ninkanink naaaah, you’re being kind. She just wants to look like a proper horsey type with worn out old Ariats. New boots are horse world social suicide.[/quote]
I did allude to that in there somewhere just in case it’s nothing more than that! Smile

Ninkanink · 31/08/2021 10:23

@Bootdilemma maybe you can take the other boots out and rough them up, run over them a few times, dunk them in water/mud/poo/whatever, and just generally break them in a bit? Wink

lottiegarbanzo · 31/08/2021 10:29

Ownership of the boots was relinquished when they were passed on to the younger sister.

'Might be able to ride out with the little ones' is very flimsy, compared with 'looks after horses every day'.