Who gets the boots?

[Bootdilemma]

About 5 years ago I bought dd2 a pair of long riding boots. She wore them for a couple of years then gave up riding. Dd3 started wearing the boots. She's worn them almost every day for three years. Along with me, she does all the looking after of our two horses. The boots are falling apart, cracked, one has a hole in. But they are "the most comfortable boots in the world" apparently.

Dd2 has a gap year job in a school that has horses. At interview they mentioned she might be able to ride out with the little ones. Dd2 wants to take The Boots, saying they were bought for her originally so they are her boots
Dd3 is livid as she wears The Boots everyday and feels that as she does all the horse stuff at home, she should get The Boots

Neither want a new pair of boots

Help me solve this ridiculous dilemma as both of my normally kind sensible dds have become fixated on the Boots.

YANBU - DD2 TAKES THE BOOTS TO HER GAP YEAR JOB
YABU - DD3 KEEPS THE BOOTS TO WEAR AT HOME EVERYDAY

Yes exactly, I was going to make the point that your older daughter wants to look like someone who is just nonchalantly TERRIBLY horsey whilst your younger daughter... actually is.

I think this is it - as you said earlier OP, there is a kind of kudos attached to having a well-worn and expensive thing to show that a) you have the best and b) you actually use it.

I was guilty of it myself as a teenager - I took my incredibly well-worn and frankly last legs dubarrys to work at a stables over the summer even though my mum offered to buy me new boots because it felt so amateurish to turn up in something new. Obviously mental but that’s how I felt!

Your daughter may also be slightly grieving the loss of a part of her life which was meaningful to her, and which her sister still participates in.

Really I think the boots are now DD3s, though I see where DD2 is coming from. But it would be wrong to take boots DD3 used daily away from her to appease DD2 when she might not even get to use them.

take the old boots falling apart with holes and throw them away - buy them both new boots. Surely older child has grown out of them after 5 years anyway?

I'd give the holey boots to DD2 and get DD3 a new pair that actually fit her feet.
Nothing is going to upset you more than buying DD2 new boots that don't get used. And DD3 deciding in 6 mths hers are holey and need replacing and DD2s are too small.

Boots are dd3’s, obviously. If dd2 is refusing Ariats, what hope is there for her?! I like jod boots and chaps unless it’s a beach ride, where the sand always manages to get in and irritate the life out of me!

PS go and get yourself some nice Dubarrys, OP, sounds like YOU deserve a treat after the year you’ve had. Hope your DH is all better now.

A nice pair on ebay, with a hole in... www.ebay.co.uk/itm/304126397781?hash=item46cf588d55:g:ePUAAOSwKWZhLLlg

DD3 probably has squatters rights to the boots after 3 years :p

Can DD2 ride well enough after only 2 years to be in charge of “little ones”?
If yes, would short jodhpur boots not be easier for her to transport to/keep at work anyway if just for occasional use?

@HaveringWavering

Can DD2 ride well enough after only 2 years to be in charge of “little ones”? If yes, would short jodhpur boots not be easier for her to transport to/keep at work anyway if just for occasional use?

She's ridden for 10 years and has all kinds of Pony Club exams, so yes she'd be fine to hack out with little ones, but the school are assessing her first.

[quote thenightsky]A nice pair on ebay, with a hole in... www.ebay.co.uk/itm/304126397781?hash=item46cf588d55:g:ePUAAOSwKWZhLLlg[/quote]
Thank you. They aren the right ones sadly, The Boots are these:

The Boots

I pressed the wrong one. Definitely dd3 keeps them

I too would check dd2 hasn’t snuck out! I have two younger sisters and if something got handed down and I wanted it back a few years later you would hear the screaming tantrum from younger sister several miles away, she would probably light it on fire rather than give it back.

@Progress2019prog you can change your vote - just press the other button

I have offered dd2 a pair of short boots and leather chaps that we have lying around but she is being very stubborn and refusing

Then she can buy her own damned boots.

You bought them, you can choose who gets them.

They're DD3's boots, and now might be the time for her to mention a particularly stubborn case of athlete's foot and a few verrucas that she's had recently. The boots won't seem so appealing to Dd2 after that.

DD2 needs to grow up a bit tbh.
She didn't want them, she doesn't ride, she might not even get to use them. They're DD3s now.

I feel your pain. Dd1 and dd2 used to endlessly argue over possession of a single plastic New Look bag that they both liked to use as a PE bag. They were quite put out when we got hold of several more. It clearly wasn't about the bag. I was then thinking well if the only thing they argue about is the bag, I'm onto a good thing here..and that perhaps we should keep just the one for precisely this function. I think it's how siblings hone their skills of power and influence. Stay out of it, the boot hider will go far in life probably.

You should be like Solomon and declare that they will have one each. Stand magnificently and prepare to separate the Boots, in the hope that one daughter will do the decent thing and tearfully declare the boots better together than apart.

[quote Oogachuckachopsy]@Ninkanink naaaah, you’re being kind. She just wants to look like a proper horsey type with worn out old Ariats. New boots are horse world social suicide.[/quote]
Definitely this. It's akin to turning up on a sailing course with clearly brand, spanking, specially bought oilies.

Good luck, OP. DD2 is being unreasonable, but teenagers don't take such news gracefully as we all know.

You have perfectly acceptable optionsfor her; taking what is now her sister's pair of boots is not one of them.

@HesterShaw1 yes I had considered that too. But I can’t help it, I always want to add layers to stuff

Hopefully OP has already come to a solution.

@MyOtherProfile

Give them one each

Is that you King Solomon???

Did DD2 say that DD3 could use her boots when she gave up riding? I wouldn't be pleased if my sister just helped themselves to my boots without asking my permission. I don't really understand why the majority think that DD3 should get them, as if she has 'squatters rights' over the boots.

Get dd3 a really nice pair of new ones she can break in and let dd2 use the now less desirable older ones.

@GreyEyedWitch

Did DD2 say that DD3 could use her boots when she gave up riding? I wouldn't be pleased if my sister just helped themselves to my boots without asking my permission. I don't really understand why the majority think that DD3 should get them, as if she has 'squatters rights' over the boots.

The OP said in all probability she dug them out of the cupboard where the spiders had moved in and gave them to dd3.

Your dd2 is an adult now, time for her to grow up and stop bitching about this. You've offered alternatives. Short boots and chaps are way more comfy than long boots, if she doesn't like what you're offering then she can bloody well buy her own.

Why should dd3 have to break in some new boots when she's been wearing those perfectly good ones for 3 years?

@frogswimming

Get dd3 a really nice pair of new ones she can break in and let dd2 use the now less desirable older ones.

Have you RTFT?! The whole point is that to both girls, the old ones are the desirable ones!