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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who gets the boots?

162 replies

Bootdilemma · 31/08/2021 07:30

About 5 years ago I bought dd2 a pair of long riding boots. She wore them for a couple of years then gave up riding. Dd3 started wearing the boots. She's worn them almost every day for three years. Along with me, she does all the looking after of our two horses. The boots are falling apart, cracked, one has a hole in. But they are "the most comfortable boots in the world" apparently.

Dd2 has a gap year job in a school that has horses. At interview they mentioned she might be able to ride out with the little ones. Dd2 wants to take The Boots, saying they were bought for her originally so they are her boots
Dd3 is livid as she wears The Boots everyday and feels that as she does all the horse stuff at home, she should get The Boots

Neither want a new pair of boots

Help me solve this ridiculous dilemma as both of my normally kind sensible dds have become fixated on the Boots.

YANBU - DD2 TAKES THE BOOTS TO HER GAP YEAR JOB
YABU - DD3 KEEPS THE BOOTS TO WEAR AT HOME EVERYDAY

OP posts:
JayAlfredPrufrock · 31/08/2021 08:55

Phew.

Original poster
Bootdilemma · 31/08/2021 08:56

@JayAlfredPrufrock

Phew.
🤣
OP posts:
Original poster
Bootdilemma · 31/08/2021 08:58

@whosaidtha

DD2 needs new boots. What kind of impression does it set at her job to wear boots with holes in? Get her to contribute from her first pay or look on eBay for some good quality second hand.
I presume there is some sort of horsey kudos attached to having very well worn cracked old boots.
OP posts:
BunnytheFriendlyDragon · 31/08/2021 09:01

DD3 keeps them

DD2 is old enough to buy her own with bee job money

Original poster
Bootdilemma · 31/08/2021 09:01

@BunnytheFriendlyDragon

DD3 keeps them

DD2 is old enough to buy her own with bee job money

Well that's a good point actually as she's being paid quite a lot plus all food and board included (it's a boarding school)
OP posts:
Poledra · 31/08/2021 09:02

I think she thinks they are babyish

I think she needs to get the fuck over herself! My 17yo DD, who rides all the time, still wears jod boots and chaps, as do almost all of her horsey friends. Good long boots are only owned by those who have their own horses/compete regularly.

I understand the Ariat love (I myself have a pair of Grasmeres that I will be buried in) but for occasional, not even certain, use? The short ones will do her fine!

Original poster
Bootdilemma · 31/08/2021 09:03

I wear jodhpur boots and chaps and I'm 56!

OP posts:
Wroxie · 31/08/2021 09:06

I presume there is some sort of horsey kudos attached to having very well worn cracked old boots.

Yes exactly, I was going to make the point that your older daughter wants to look like someone who is just nonchalantly TERRIBLY horsey whilst your younger daughter... actually is. This inauthenticity shouldn't be encouraged at all much less at the expense of your younger daughter.

Cheap, athletic-shoe style riding shoes are far more comfortable even at first wearing than "proper boots". I bought some for about £35 to save room in my luggage when I planned to do some riding while travelling and they've lasted for years now, I keep them around for when my proper boots are too dirty to deal with and I can't be bothered. Something like that would do your daughter absolutely fine for the purposes described and after all this palaver would be what she was getting if it were my house.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 31/08/2021 09:07

Are all your children girls?

I'm speaking as the middle of three girls.

The amount of times I owned something and my younger sister took ownership of it and my parents just allowed it..!! It still infuriates me to this day. If I lend something to my younger sister even now, I say "this doesn't mean it belongs to you now".

It doesn't matter if she's had something 3 days or 3 years, if I've lent her something she doesn't get to keep it.

When I was in my late teens, my mom went through a phase of giving my sister anything of mine that she wanted. I made sure everything was replaced.

Sucks being the middle child!

NormanStangerson · 31/08/2021 09:09

@JayAlfredPrufrock

It’s not St Ethelburghs is it.
I remember getting leaflets for this place in my old Horse & Pony magazine. Is it dicey?
Original poster
Bootdilemma · 31/08/2021 09:10

@HunterHearstHelmsley

Are all your children girls?

I'm speaking as the middle of three girls.

The amount of times I owned something and my younger sister took ownership of it and my parents just allowed it..!! It still infuriates me to this day. If I lend something to my younger sister even now, I say "this doesn't mean it belongs to you now".

It doesn't matter if she's had something 3 days or 3 years, if I've lent her something she doesn't get to keep it.

When I was in my late teens, my mom went through a phase of giving my sister anything of mine that she wanted. I made sure everything was replaced.

Sucks being the middle child!

Dd2 is the middle of three girls but the third youngest in age as I have a Ds1 as well. Yes she hates being the middle of three girls. Dd3 lives in hand-me-downs but likes it, in fact hates new things.
OP posts:
Original poster
Bootdilemma · 31/08/2021 09:12

@Wroxie

I presume there is some sort of horsey kudos attached to having very well worn cracked old boots.

Yes exactly, I was going to make the point that your older daughter wants to look like someone who is just nonchalantly TERRIBLY horsey whilst your younger daughter... actually is. This inauthenticity shouldn't be encouraged at all much less at the expense of your younger daughter.

Cheap, athletic-shoe style riding shoes are far more comfortable even at first wearing than "proper boots". I bought some for about £35 to save room in my luggage when I planned to do some riding while travelling and they've lasted for years now, I keep them around for when my proper boots are too dirty to deal with and I can't be bothered. Something like that would do your daughter absolutely fine for the purposes described and after all this palaver would be what she was getting if it were my house.

Tbf she rode a lot for 10 years and competed to quite a high level for her age, so she does have a very horsey background She gave up to concentrate on her A levels and also had a nasty fall which knocked her confidence
OP posts:
Hellotoallmyfans · 31/08/2021 09:13

DD3.

Hellotoallmyfans · 31/08/2021 09:16

Neither want a new pair of boots

Why would dd2 want a pair of old smelly boots with a hold in that her younger sister has been wearing for 3 years when she has the option of a new pair? I don't get it?

Subbaxeo · 31/08/2021 09:16

@MyOtherProfile

Give them one each Grin
The wisdom of Solomon!
FreekStar2 · 31/08/2021 09:16

As the boots sound past it anyway I would take both girls shopping for new pairs.

Original poster
Bootdilemma · 31/08/2021 09:17

@Hellotoallmyfans

Neither want a new pair of boots

Why would dd2 want a pair of old smelly boots with a hold in that her younger sister has been wearing for 3 years when she has the option of a new pair? I don't get it?

Nor do I!!! The Boots have some sort of magical hold over them both!
OP posts:
Original poster
Bootdilemma · 31/08/2021 09:19

@FreekStar2

As the boots sound past it anyway I would take both girls shopping for new pairs.
Dd3 does not want a new pair, and 2 new pairs of ariats would cost me about 400,so no
OP posts:
IWasBornInAThunderstorm · 31/08/2021 09:20

Can't they just get a new pair of boots and actually do some horsing in them so they look worn?

IWasBornInAThunderstorm · 31/08/2021 09:21

DD3 gets too keep the boots if its about them looking used. As she's the one who bothered to use them.

Ask her to pretend she has foot fungus

GuckGuckDoose · 31/08/2021 09:21

There’s not a snowball’s chance in hell I’d be buying DD2 a pair of new boots with that attitude. She can take the jod boots and chaps then buy a new pair of ariats with her own money she’s earned if it turns out she does ride out a lot.

Hellotoallmyfans · 31/08/2021 09:28

Nor do I!!! The Boots have some sort of magical hold over them both!

It sounds like it's more of a power play here rather than about the boots themselves.
Older sister trying to make a point about younger sister being given something of hers, despite the fact she hasn't been bothered for years and refusing to back down - does she often trot out the "she gets away with everything coz she's younger" trope? I know my eldest dd does!

I'd just say "oh, stop being ridiculous" to the older one, and point out that she has this fabulous opportunity in front of her and really shouldn't be focussing on a pair of old boots that mean a lot to her younger sister.

Maybe tell younger dd to "lose" them somewhere until eldest is safely packed off on her gap year? Grin

Jemand · 31/08/2021 09:29

But also dd2s job is quite a big deal when a lot of her friends aren't doing anything except partying on their gap year so I want to support her too

You've already given her loads of support, what with buying her new clothes etc plus offering her the short boots or new long ones. That seems to me more than enough.

Blossomtoes · 31/08/2021 09:33

Dd2 is a cheeky bugger.

TheKeatingFive · 31/08/2021 09:34

Your poll result is pretty conclusive OP.

DD3 gets the boots.