To loathe organised sport and what it does to children?

[AssemblySquare]

There is a back story to this but it’s long and boring. I’m just sick and tired of sport being held up as this wonderful thing that brings people together, but all I have ever seen and experienced is divisiveness, bullying and meanness. I’m so done with it all, especially at grass roots level and at school where most kids seem to get shouted at by PE teachers and coaches taking out their own frustrations that they weren’t quite good enough to make it.

I often think sport should just be the children playing and no one watching. Ds plays football and some of the parents really shout at their children. They should be made to wait in the car; Or be quite. It’s quite sad at times.

YABU - what do you suggest instead then to get kids out doing physical exercise, building team work and improving their skills in sports?

all I have ever seen and experienced is divisiveness, bullying and meanness

This is not the experience I, my DD or anyone in my family has ever had ... perhaps our sports provision was just better or the clubs were run differently but yours is not a universal experience

Yabu to lump all sports and all coaches together. My dc have been doing sports since they started school. Ds1 (21) and dd(16) still love their main sport and missed it through shutdown. They are so happy to be back. It has given them much enjoyment, fitness, camaraderie, resilience, friendship etc, and I have never heard their coach shout.
It sounds as though you have the wrong sport, coach or both.

I played netball and hockey as a child, loads of fun no parents shouting at anyone! DB played county cricket and athletics and that was fine too.
DF did have to call off a youth football match he was refereeing once and ask for someone to call police, because the parents of the opposing teams were physically fighting, the players were about ten.

Absolutely agree with you, it can be horribly toxic and foster really nasty self confidence issues.

My son was on a local team and then he quit

After he told me that it was really shit and that the match’s really stressed him out
I found that really interesting as we normalise team sport so much

Me too. I ignore sport as much as I can and I certainly dont want busybodies telling me it's good for me. It isn't. I feel cross just thinking about it.

We have a massive obesity crisis caused by lack of exercise and poor eating. We need massively more sport not less.

I can see how sports might be enjoyable for some but, for others like me who were overweight or found exercise painful (I've had arthritis since my teens), it was sheer misery being forced to join in. The PE teachers at my school weren't blessed with people skills either, which made it worse. Their comments were demoralising at best and self-esteem destroying much of the time.

I can absolutely see where you're coming from, OP.

I think this is one of those areas where experiences can have the widest variations.

I have lifelong friends and still do the sport I started at school 25 years ago, at least twice a week. My husband still does his sport, not to the level he used to; but he is active and both participates and coaches it. He started 30 years ago.

I have four kids all of whom have done and still do a lot of sport. Never had an experience which could be described as toxic, no. Had the occasional coach who wasn't y so nice, but as long as they aren't seriously horrible it's no bad thing to realise you might not always be the most popular. But its fine if you hate it you don't have to do it.

YANBU. There are loads of fun, non competitive physical activities that don’t involve bullying and humiliation. You don’t have to do competitive sport to prevent obesity. In my experience school sports causes obesity as it is such torture it puts some people off physical activity for life.

I think there is a huge difference in sports at school and out of school.
My daughter has had a tough time at school recently, which was affecting her on lots of different levels. Joining a girls football team has literally made the world of difference to her confidence, the other girls made her feel so welcome and the coaches who give up their time are so positive and encouraging.
However I don't think forcing any child to participate is likely to be successful.

YABVU.
I have 3 DCs. One is heavily involved in sport, the other two not. Sporty DC is disciplined, motivated, confident, not constantly on the damn phone, not too bothered by peer pressure… chicken and egg perhaps but very striking.
It might depend on the sport. DC’s is not a typical school sport.

Dd1 has just started netball which has been going well.

Until the last game where the coach has introduced awards each game for just 2 players. FFS what is the point of a team sport if individuals are being singled out 😣

We'll see how the rest of the season goes but it could be one and done for netball which would be a shame.

but yours is not a universal experience

I think you'll find it isn't an unusual experience. At DD's school they used to set for PE, which I thought was a good idea. So the really sporty pupils didn't have the opportunity to make the less sporty kids feel bad about their lack of ability.

In my experience not being sporty is often seen as a moral failing or some kind of personality deficiency by sporty types and little Hitlers bullying PE teachers.

Is this school sports day? Every year children are humiliated and shamed and made to feel utterly worthless. But it isn't sport that is the problem, it's the way it is handled in primary schools. So many DC's made to feel useless and have their confidence destroyed.

I put an end to sports days when my primary age child threatened in all seriousness to kill himself if he was ever forced to do sports day again.

Now 4 years later, he is happy in his three chosen sports. But they aren't team sports, no picking team members in class, no bullying, no humiliation.

Join a different club. Within all sports there's great ones & hideous ones. No more so than football. I know it all well as have been involved in a range of youth sports for years. Each club has its own culture. It's the same in swimming, rugby, hockey, cricket, tennis. Loads of great youth focused clubs and some that are win at all costs and not about kids enjoyment & development at all. Just shop around

The vast majority of state school pe teachers are very well trained and not at all bullying. Quite frankly they have a thankless job which I wouldn't have the patience for in a million years. Good on them for trying to make a difference.

I can see that the posters who think YABU are very sporty, which kind of proves my point.

Competitive sport encourages people to give up if they're not good enough to win. It's a crap way to tackle obesity. I'm with you OP. People can do it if they like obvs but I wish there were properly supported alternatives.

@BootsScootsAndToots

Dd1 has just started netball which has been going well.

Until the last game where the coach has introduced awards each game for just 2 players. FFS what is the point of a team sport if individuals are being singled out 😣

We'll see how the rest of the season goes but it could be one and done for netball which would be a shame.

But a great coach will give it for effort, trying new skills, great play etc and different kids get it. They may get the kids to vote each game. Can be used in the right way to focus on good behaviour and effort

@RampantIvy

I can see that the posters who think YABU are very sporty, which kind of proves my point.

I'm not. Arthritis stopped that. My kids are though, and it's been amazing for them - they are fit and healthy, have great friends and good mental health.

YABU

Yours isn’t a universal experience and I firmly believe in the value of team sports, for both girls and boys.

You don’t need to be particularly good, not all settings are crazy competitive.

@dolor

Absolutely agree with you, it can be horribly toxic and foster really nasty self confidence issues.

Yet for many children sport has a very positive influence of their self confidence.