@AssemblySquare
The back story is my DS who is 13 and a latecomer to football. It’s vile. He joined a coaching session rather than a team and it crushed his confidence. He got bullied and the coach refused to address it because my son lacked experience!!!! Joined a local team described as “friendly and supportive” and it really isn’t. We have spent the last few years driving all over the place to watch him be handed the sub’s vest every time. I watch his face fall and his confidence ebb away a little bit more. It’s awful and I’m done with it.
The issue here is not team sports, per se, but the fact that the coach would not address the bullying, his reasons for doing so were totally unacceptable. The fact that your son never got to start shoes that he is either not a very good coach or not very interested in his players improvement/development/confidence. In other words, he is not good at what he does.
Though I would ask why you didn’t move clubs sooner? Why keep taking him somewhere that he was being bullied? Why not find a team more suited to him/with a nicer coach. Or perhaps a different sport?
The problem here is not organise sport. The problem is a poorly run team. And the fact you kept taking him when the coach would not address the bullying your son was experiencing.
I am not sporty and hated PE, but I do know there were other children who enjoyed it and others who were not academic but were able to do well at sports and that is how they boosted their confidence. I agree letting children pick teams is not always the best idea. At my DC’s school they play competitive sports but everyone is in a team (1st, 2nd, 3rd) and the teachers focus on skills and participation. They all know who is going to be on the 1st team and who isn’t, but as DD says- they all know who is going to do musical things or get the best academic marks, so there’s no real difference. She wouldn’t be in 1st teams very often, though does love a different (non-school) sport and does so at a high level.
I don’t agree PE should be optional. Some DC are not good at languages, or science, or maths. They may be embarrassed by not getting good marks/not able to answer questions or bottom of the class in tests. I don’t think it is a positive thing to make anything a child/teen finds difficult optional.
The answer in the case of PE is for schools to teach it well- my DC have learned about health and fitness, how muscles work and can be injured, how to stretch properly to prevent harm, as well as the actual sports. In PE game sessions it is about developing skills in that sport, whatever your level. They play competitively against other schools and I’ve only ever seen one (parent) shouting at a child- they were asked to leave the pitch-side.