Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To loathe organised sport and what it does to children?

396 replies

AssemblySquare · 24/07/2021 23:29

There is a back story to this but it’s long and boring. I’m just sick and tired of sport being held up as this wonderful thing that brings people together, but all I have ever seen and experienced is divisiveness, bullying and meanness. I’m so done with it all, especially at grass roots level and at school where most kids seem to get shouted at by PE teachers and coaches taking out their own frustrations that they weren’t quite good enough to make it.

OP posts:
MangoSeason · 25/07/2021 00:52

www.mamamia.com.au/team-sports-for-girls/

Another article setting out unexpected benefits of team sports, particularly for teen girls.

WorraLiberty · 25/07/2021 00:57

entropynow I get that kids vary but no-one (child or adult) can realistically blame their weight gain on lack of enthusiasm for organised sport.

fibeee · 25/07/2021 01:08

Totally agree. PE at school was massively humiliating for me. Due to being so uncoordinated I was always picked last for teams and made fun of. The teachers did nothing to help and their faves were always the ones who excelled at sport.

I enjoy exercise now but only work out on my own. I detest watching team sports or taking part in any group fitness and I think the humiliation I experienced in PE at school has a lot to do with it.

Lillyhatesjaz · 25/07/2021 01:13

I think team sports are brilliant for some children but not for all. I think that PE lessons should offer non competitive alternatives for children who are less sporty. Things like dance type fitness or spin bikes or yoga,or step. Children who are not good at sport would be more likely to enjoy physical activity without the competitive element. No one is going to accuse you of letting them down if you are bad at zumba.

Maggiesfarm · 25/07/2021 02:01

I am in sympathy with you, Assembly.

Sport is fine for those who love it, torture for those who don't.

There are other ways of keeping fit and healthy, therefore I do not believe PE should be a compulsory subject.

Needless to say I hated it. Ritual humiliation.

EmeraldShamrock · 25/07/2021 02:07

It depends on the DC really.
Some thrive others hate it. I hate the dad's bellowing at 5/6 Yr olds from the sidelines.
The coaches are volunteers.

Doona · 25/07/2021 02:23

Sport can be toxic and it can also be amazing. I've had to take my kids out of a few clubs and sports because of weirdness or bullying. It doesn't matter, there are lots of sports around.

AssemblySquare · 25/07/2021 04:00

The back story is my DS who is 13 and a latecomer to football. It’s vile. He joined a coaching session rather than a team and it crushed his confidence. He got bullied and the coach refused to address it because my son lacked experience!!!! Joined a local team described as “friendly and supportive” and it really isn’t. We have spent the last few years driving all over the place to watch him be handed the sub’s vest every time. I watch his face fall and his confidence ebb away a little bit more. It’s awful and I’m done with it.

OP posts:
memberofthewedding · 25/07/2021 04:06

When I was 16 I went to a civil service interview. My grandmother warned me that they might ask about what sports I enjoyed at school. She also knew that I had sloped off most sports days and had never been in any of the teams. I asked if I should lie about liking sports and she said no, you should tell the truth but you dont have to tell not the whole truth. Tell them what sports you played and find a way to bring in the competitions and events you did compete in and enjoy. In the event I found a way to speak about sport along with the drama, poetry and music competitions which I did enjoy, and stress that I felt proud to represent my house (team) when I was chosen.

I got the appointment.

Being in a play and a choir also involved collaborating and working with others, as well as sometimes taking a solo role. It involved both team work and individual effort. It just didnt involve running about a muddy field feeling silly.

SwanShaped · 25/07/2021 04:16

That’s really shit for him. Is football the only thing he’s tried? I hate team sports but others are good. Like martial arts or climbing?

Restlessinthenorth · 25/07/2021 04:22

OP, I get that it's awful when your child doesn't make the team (we have even there). But equally, at 13, teams are playing football to win. It would do your child no favours for him to be given a place just because he's turning up. The other kids would become quickly resentful towards him. If he's not quite good enough, then you have a few options. The first would be to look for a club in a lower league that your child will get more game time in. The other, which is the road we went down, was to explain to your child that the way he will win a place is to work hard outside of match day to become a better footballer. For my son, this was hours of practice in the garden working on touch, control, movement etc. Put the work in and get the reward. We helped by getting some decent equipment like a rebound net and a ball on a string etc.

I hope you find a solution that works for your son. This kind of thing hurts as a parent Thanks

Chunkymenrock · 25/07/2021 04:25

Yes, I think sport is so over rated. Even the name 'sport' annoys me these days.

0None0 · 25/07/2021 04:35

YAbU

Some form of sport ir physical activity is necessary for health and well-being, particularly in childhood, although to a lesser extent in adulthood too

It doesn’t have to be expensive or competitive.

I’m the worlds slowest long distance runner, and never find anything but cameraderie and support at the back end of any marathon!

You just need to find the right sport.

And you sound very spiteful about coaches.

Maybe volunteer to take on a bit of coaching yourself?

0None0 · 25/07/2021 04:37

Personally, as a secondary school teacher, I loathe what not being involved in sport does to children

AssemblySquare · 25/07/2021 04:46

@Restlessinthenorth the team are already near the bottom of the lowest league!! It’s why we chose them.

Lots of people have pulled me up on my comments on coaches. I come from a family of very skilled sports people (hockey rather than football - sadly all 3 of my DC hated hockey!) and I’ve taught in enough secondary schools over the past 21 years to know what many PE teachers are like. I’m not a shouty/pushy parent and tbh I think that might be why I don’t like the approach of many of the coaches I’ve met over the years.

OP posts:
AssemblySquare · 25/07/2021 04:56

@0None0 what do you mean? What does it do?

I’ve been a secondary school teacher for 21 years… I haven’t noticed any marked differences in the classroom between sporty and non sporty students? The only time it has had an impact is when one of my students got an opportunity to play at international level. They were stressing over medicine at uni or the chance to play their sport professionally. I advised them to go with the sport because that’s time limited, uni isn’t.

OP posts:
PinniGig · 25/07/2021 05:07

For kids that have neither the interest nor inclination sports during school time takes up only a small portion in relation to everything else. If they don't want to be involved with sports and don't like anything to do with it they don't need to be encouraged and pestered to get into it.

For many many kids however sport offers them a way out, gives them something to focus their energy and channel pent up emotion and learn to curb, control and become disciplined with many of the world's top boxing or MMA champs from similar backgrounds and same stories to tell.

I used to play a lot of netball and was captain for the county under 18's at one point but lost interest / had no particular desire to keep playing and pursue a place on the England squad and then up to GB etc. If I'd been a kid with issues, an unstable family and home environment and little else or support from others I'd have no doubt been full on and played my way as far as I could possibly go and for a lot of kids, that's what they do and what sport gives them.

If it's not for your child and you don't care for sport fair enough. It does so much good for so many and I don't think it's reasonable to consider it bad across the board.

I remember a brief spate of complaining about equestrian sport being the only one in which men and women compete equally and it was a brief thing because the world's equestrians went “WTF who rattled your cage??” 😂

Competitive sport is rough, tough and gruelling with only the most committed, dedicated and fiercely competitive people likely to want to see it all the way through and right to the top. They want to do it and win on merit. Watering it down and taking the fierce competition out of sport would be the worst, most ridiculous thing we could do but I can't see that happening.

I watched the wheelchair football and Cerebral Palsy football matches yesterday and those lot are savage and hard as nails. So much better to watch than mainstream football as well.

Mintjulia · 25/07/2021 05:30

Op, stop competitive sport for your dc before it does permanent damage.

Why not join a karate group together. Let your child progress at a faster rate than you. The first time he wears a belt that is more advanced than yours, his confidence will start to rebuild.

Go out cycling with him. Buy him a cheap bike computer and show him how to compete against himself, the longest ride, the fastest hill etc.

Or introduce him to junior Parkrun where he can meet lots of people and learn about persevering at things, without the peer pressure or bullying.

But if he is miserable now, do something now to support him. He can go back to competitive stuff when he feels ready.

Athrawes · 25/07/2021 06:06

I think you are mostly referring to team rather than individual sports. I found team sports vile and my son has not enjoyed them - he lacks interest in hitting or kicking stuff for no reason and hates being made to feel rubbish by team "mates" and their parents.
He swims like a fish but sees no point in swimming up and down in lines for hours every week being shouted at by a coach
However, he is doing ok in gymnastics and really loving indoor climbing - both physical, competitive, and require mental fortitude.
Kids, like adults, need to be able to find their own thing.

Saltyslug · 25/07/2021 06:09

It great for team spirit, improved bodily confidence (if taught in sets) and setting healthy patterns fir adulthood

Saltyslug · 25/07/2021 06:10

Competitive sport isn’t my thing but friendly social sport is

Bigtoejoe · 25/07/2021 06:21

I think competitive sport can be brilliant for children but football does seem to bring out an unpleasant side to some parents. I don't particularly like what it does to some children either actually.

lannistunut · 25/07/2021 06:25

We don't need sport so much as we need activity and exercise.

It is the utter horror of school.sport that turns many off.

I think school PE needs a radical overhaul, football and rugby being forced on people doesn't help anyone.

DonLewis · 25/07/2021 06:26

It's interesting that you mention hockey, because my kids love hockey. They're not brilliant at it, but they love it. And the club has been fantastic.

No bullying, no horribleness, just supportive coaches and players and a really inclusive attitude. I recommend the sport (and the club) to anyone vaguely interested!

It's been great for my eldest sons self esteem and fitness. And my younger son just loves being free to run and learn new skills. I must admit it was bloody frightening watching a 5yo with a hockey stick for the first few times, the coaches must have nerves of steel!

lannistunut · 25/07/2021 06:27

@0None0

Personally, as a secondary school teacher, I loathe what not being involved in sport does to children
This is a weird comment, what does it do to children?
Swipe left for the next trending thread