Goes off for drives for hours-does your dp:Dh?

[Shesalwaysshouting]

Would it piss you off?

Dp and I take it turns to do toddler dds bedtime, she often takes ages to fall asleep, so we often end up falling asleep upstairs with her.
On my nights doing her bedtime, Dp often goes out in the car for 2-3 hours at a time, he’s always got some reason-went for a drive, went to the beach, to get cigarettes, yo a friends. He does it all the time, rarely stays in. He doesn’t say, just goes, when I text there’s some reason or other.
Aibu to be pissed off about it? Would it bother you?
It’s just not something I’d do and I’m not sure he’d love it, he says it wouldn’t bother him but it would.

Now he’s all angry/upset at me.

I don’t who’s in the wrong here 🤷🏻‍♀️

Is he a dogger seriously though, no, that's not normal. And I'd be pissed off! You need to start going out for hours at kids bedtime and see what he says

Actually thinking about this a bit more my Dad used to do this when we were younger when he was fed up with us children.

DH loves driving and it gives him space to think/clear his head and relax and I could see him doing this sort of thing. It's a place to be on your own and in your own company and out of the house at the same time.

From what you have said i don't think it sounds as if he is having an affair, rather than a place to go to wind down.

Reminds me of my ex. Who used to go out regularly at night all of a sudden for a walk or drive. Never had before. Turns out he was up to no good.

My head wouldn’t go to an affair if he is a manual labourer and doesn’t shower etc before he goes out. Tbh when I have been in a relationship with people in a labour intensive job they almost always showered as soon as they got back before relaxing so a bit surprised that isn’t part of his routine but as it isn’t my head wouldn’t go there. Nothing is a guarantee but there is clearly something you are insecure about that you probably need to clarify, is there other behaviour that is getting to you? - I don’t think it’s unreasonable to have some time away from your partner and it would seem a very considerate time to do this.

@Sittingonabench He did always used to shower when he got home before dinner, but there’s just barely any time these days with Dd, it’s sort of home and straight to her.

Doesn't it bother you he doesn't want to spend time with you after bedtime? I mean that would be bad let alone thinking he's having an affair and technically he is with his car

@EKGEMS We don’t get to spend that time together anyway as Dd takes forever to fall asleep and co sleeps currently (it will change soon) so we just stay up with her.
So it’s not like I’m sat downstairs on my own

In that case DH going for a drive is okay then? If you would be upstairs lying with dd then otherwise he would just be sitting alone downstairs.

Aside from a potential affair (and some women like "a bit of rough" and wouldn't be bothered by the lack of personal hygiene weirdly) with a young child and you're knackered as you've said a couple times now - IS he pulling his weight or could he be spending at least some of that time doing chores, household admin etc?

I would not be happy about this as he is literally absent from his family for several hours a week and from sounds of things at exactly the point you need most support.

You (plural) also need to sort your dcs sleep issues as that's not helping anybody!

Hope it's not an affair but I think you may need to prepare yourself just in case

@Kanaloa He would but can’t he just watch tv like me 🙈
I don’t know if I’m being completely out of order and am just paranoid a bit or what

@Graphista Tbh there’s nothing that really needs to be sorted out in the evenings. Whoever doesn’t do bedtimes just has to wash the dishes and generally clear up downstairs, which doesn’t take long.

Yes she’ll be in her new room from the autumn

*Bedtime

I’d feel really dodgy putting a tracker on the car 😬

Ok I don't know if anyone else has said this but I think maybe drugs? My db used to go out a lot and leave sil and he was down on the beach smoking weed and crack

@CheddarGorge Definitely not crack etc, has smoked weed in the past, but nothing hidden and not a massive issue

He's full of shit ..

watching Sunsets on his own!?

yeah sure ... 🙄

@QueenBee52 Do you think? So what, an affair?

Is into photography and stars etc, sometimes takes the telescope down. But on the days he doesn’t 🤷🏻‍♀️
The petrol does often go down a lot though.

I've gone for a drive, watching a sunset once I even went to the pictures. Usually though I walked around a supermarket for some peace. He's not a TV watcher, nor a gamer.

My advice get a babysitter have a date evening go with him, take a picnic. Oh and fix up a room for junior

Can you keep a check on the mileage on the car? I have been out a few nights recently to see sunsets and stars etc. I am not having an affair or even meeting or talking to anyone while I have been out. I just like the drive and the skies.
Does he spend time with you when he gets back? Are you close and loving with each other? (Sorry about the personal question)

Is there a way of tracking someone on their phone? We both have different phones though (his not iPhone)

@Shesalwaysshouting

Is there a way of tracking someone on their phone? We both have different phones though (his not iPhone)

Now just stop it. You go down this road tracking him you might as well separate now.

@Shesalwaysshouting

Does anyone think it would be an affair if he doesn’t bother to get changed from work or even brush his teeth (I mean, you’d do that if you were meeting someone, wouldn’t you 🤷🏻‍♀️)

Depends. Not necessarily. As in not if its been going on for a sufficiently long time so that he's very relaxed in the other persons company etc.

@CheddarGorge

Ok I don't know if anyone else has said this but I think maybe drugs? My db used to go out a lot and leave sil and he was down on the beach smoking weed and crack

I thought this too

I make excuses sometimes to drive on my own for no reason as I’m listening to a really good audio book series.