Goes off for drives for hours-does your dp:Dh?

[Shesalwaysshouting]

Would it piss you off?

Dp and I take it turns to do toddler dds bedtime, she often takes ages to fall asleep, so we often end up falling asleep upstairs with her.
On my nights doing her bedtime, Dp often goes out in the car for 2-3 hours at a time, he’s always got some reason-went for a drive, went to the beach, to get cigarettes, yo a friends. He does it all the time, rarely stays in. He doesn’t say, just goes, when I text there’s some reason or other.
Aibu to be pissed off about it? Would it bother you?
It’s just not something I’d do and I’m not sure he’d love it, he says it wouldn’t bother him but it would.

I hope your car is electric.

Also, I'd assume he was seeing a prostitute or having an affair.

I mean that's terrible for the environment for one... but I'd find that strange

@justasking111 exactly, the toddler can put herself to bed and you can go for a drive together in the evenings. Yolo

[quote Shesalwaysshouting]@GrandmasCat We take it in turns each night, so when it’s my night, I’m with Dd and he’s free and vice versa[/quote]
Well, then I kind of get it. It would be OK to you if he sat watching TV and not helping, but doing something he enjoys and not helping isn't?

If you don't mind him not being involved on your nights I think it is unreasonable to dictate what he is allowed to do with his free time. Providing he pulls his weight I can't see the problem

I’d think the issue here is a 3 yr old taking hours to go to sleep and her parents never leaving her, that’s very restricting to your relationship. Knock this on the head and spend evenings with your partner, you must hardly have any time together.

[quote guatran]@justasking111 exactly, the toddler can put herself to bed and you can go for a drive together in the evenings. Yolo [/quote]
Missed the baby sitter did we . Sigh....

Isn’t it frowned upon environmentally to just go for a drive for no reason these days?
Super selfish.

Hmm.

MIL cheated on FIL for years and DH told me she used to ‘pop out for milk’ except she wouldn’t return for hours because she was going to fuck someone. She also used to ‘go to see a friend’ or other similar excuses but wouldn’t return for 2/3/4 hours at a time. They did live rurally so closest shop was maybe 15/20 mins drive but never an excuse to be out for that long. I’d be suspicious personally although if he isn’t bothering to shower or change first then maybe it’s not that.

I’ve recently started having counselling for depression and anxiety and the counsellor did advise I find at least 20 mins every day to do something for myself so could be going for a walk or drive alone. However, he did say I should always run it past my DH in a non-confrontational way first rather than just slipping off or whatever because that could breed resentment.

Your DH should be running it past you first rather than just disappearing. He must be spending a fortune on fuel!

I go out several evenings a week because staying in within the same walls we are both in all week drives me insane. Sometimes I drive miles (pokemon gyms!) and sometimes I walk.

Staying in together 24/7 isn't healthy.

Precovid on my non working days noone knew where I was. I could go for a coffee without permission and it was wonderful.

This new world has utterly curtailed my freedom and now I am accountable for every minute which is stifaling.

Thanks for the feedback everyone, very mixed answers, from he’s cheating to leave him alone 🙈🤷🏻‍♀️

When he goes out, it’s not to avoid time with me as we wouldn’t be together anyway as one is with Dd. She’ll be in her bedroom in September, will be redecorating end of summer.
He does spend a lot in petrol with the new car, which pisses me off.
I’m currently staying at home with my daughter, so things are done around the house by the time he’s home, so not much to do.
I don’t feel unsafe when he leaves. If he really was doing what he says, I don’t mind at all (aside from spending too much on petrol)
I’m just quite paranoid so want to know he is actually doing as he says!

Very suspicious behaviour 🤔

Another vote for a GPS tracker and see where he goes!

I really think the environmental thing is an issue too. Sorry you don't seem to think so.

@EmbarrassingMama Yes I do, but it’s down the list in terms of thinking he could be cheating on me and spending quite a lot of the weekly budget!

@Naunet Doesn’t take the dog with him

I wouldn't suspect an affair but I would think he was visiting prostitutes

Does he take the dog? I can't stand being in if I don't have to. Perhaps come at it from a budget pov? Suggest a shorter drive and a long walk with the dog.
My adult DD lived with me and once the younger two were asleep I could easily go on a two hour dog walk.

@Rhythmisadancer Oh really 😢 why?

My god this thread is mad.
A couple of times a week someone goes out for a drive for relaxation

Oh my god this is all madness.

He has a couple of free evenings and is gone for an hour or two in a country where the weather is nice, you live near-ish to the beach and he used to surf. He's probably bought cigarettes and a burger or something and has gone to be somewhere nice for a bit??

When I get the chance I do the school run, drive to a coffee shop, get some breakfast and go and eat it by the sea for an hour. It's nice to be by the sea without kids or anyone talking to me. Im not having an affair/taking drugs/dogging/smuggling people into the country/murdering anyone. Im just being quiet. By myself.

only as in more likely than an affair, as in affair partners are less likely to be accommodating to meeting up only for as long as a shag takes. Do you suspect infidelity?
If he's just "relaxing" can't he go for a walk? - better for the planet. 2-3 hours is very long for a pointless drive in a car.

What’s all this. Tell him to go for a walk. Think of the planet crap.
It’s up to him if he wants to walk or drive.
Don’t have fucking kids If you want to stop the planet being fucked up.

@Rhythmisadancer

only as in more likely than an affair, as in affair partners are less likely to be accommodating to meeting up only for as long as a shag takes. Do you suspect infidelity? If he's just "relaxing" can't he go for a walk? - better for the planet. 2-3 hours is very long for a pointless drive in a car.

If he's been on his feet doing whatever manual job he does all day then he might not find schlepping about in the heat relaxing? 🤷🏻‍♀️

If this thread was reversed or written from the perspective of a woman doing what he's doing then everyone would be telling her she's not doing anything wrong and her partner (who is genuinely thinking of ways to track her) is being wildly controlling.

[quote QueenBee52]@ImprobablePuffin

It may well be normal for you and your partner to avoid each other every night, by driving out alone for hours... but it's not normal for OP.. or most of the posters on here. [/quote]
No it's not my normal but that doesn't mean it can't be someone else's