Goes off for drives for hours-does your dp:Dh?

[Shesalwaysshouting]

Would it piss you off?

Dp and I take it turns to do toddler dds bedtime, she often takes ages to fall asleep, so we often end up falling asleep upstairs with her.
On my nights doing her bedtime, Dp often goes out in the car for 2-3 hours at a time, he’s always got some reason-went for a drive, went to the beach, to get cigarettes, yo a friends. He does it all the time, rarely stays in. He doesn’t say, just goes, when I text there’s some reason or other.
Aibu to be pissed off about it? Would it bother you?
It’s just not something I’d do and I’m not sure he’d love it, he says it wouldn’t bother him but it would.

@Nesbo

I think my “unsupervised man” post is best read in the context of my previous comments on this thread (including that one about the nazi fetish gear).

Ah shit sorry 😣

@Nesbo can I make it up to you with a nice bit of crack and a sex worker?

[quote bluehydrant]@JustLyra I disagree. I'd rather find out the truth one way or another than live a lie.

OP, at least check his Google Maps location history if you don't want to put a tracker in the car.[/quote]
You’re entitled to disagree all you want.

I don’t think there is any excuse for becoming an abusive stalker.

Especially for a man doing things he used to always do. There’s no excuse.

The moment you believe you need to track your partner, wether that's physically, or sneakily going through their phone then your relationship is over. My dh could go off every night on a drive if he wanted to and I absolutely wouldn't question his motives. He enjoys driving, i enjoy driving. We both find it quite calming to go out on our own in the car. We don't do it every night, but we aren't spending hours putting dd to bed. If we were then I genuinely wouldn't care if he was off every night he wasn't doing bedtime.

@youvegottenminuteslynn I am 😞with her all day too. The only issue has ever been her sleeping, it’s a nightmare, she just doesn’t like to sleep, she’s so active. I can’t physically force her.

Thinking you should seek advice about sleep habits elsewhere on here. In the past mums have given advice recommended books etc. It will take time and be challenging . My friend got a book had a few rough evenings but got there . There's clocks, lights, sounds, all sorts of tricks

Stuff like this.

www.parents.com/toddlers-preschoolers/sleep/issues/stop-toddler-bedtime-battles/

Don't expect your child to sleep alone just because they have an amazing room. That's going to be a challenge too

www.todaysparent.com/family/family-health/how-to-stop-co-sleeping-an-age-by-age-guide/

Pages later and you're still talking about the sleep issue and how a grown ass man can't be left on his own for an hour in his own house without sneaking off to his car, not letting his wife know that he's leaving for several hours and is then cagey when pressed about where the fuck he's been and what he's been getting up to? Yeah, but the three year old is the issue.

Not*

@guatran I was answering a couple of other posters questions, but, thanks for that, now I feel extra shite. This is my life

@justasking111 Thank you, yeah, I know it’s going to be hard

@guatran

Pages later and you're still talking about the sleep issue and how a grown ass man can't be left on his own for an hour in his own house without sneaking off to his car, not letting his wife know that he's leaving for several hours and is then cagey when pressed about where the fuck he's been and what he's been getting up to? Yeah, but the three year old is the issue.

Have you ever been accused of blowing things out of proportion? Read all the updates then re read what you wrote. Ffs

The issue is OP doesn't trust him and just doesn't want him to leave the house.

It would definitely bother me.

My DH doesn’t ever do this unless it’s a planned (rare) evening out. We jointly do bath and bed most nights.

I've read your replies OP and I don't think you're being unreasonable. I've done co-sleepling with all of my children, because they literally just wouldn't sleep. I think when the child's about four they naturally sort of breakaway and want a space for themselves. Honestly, i'd say whatever works for you guys parenting, then do it. But I do think it's strange that your partner just leaves without saying 'just going to the shop's or ' it's your night with baby, I'm going to wherever ' he doesn't have to say, but just let you know he's going
Would you leave the house without telling him or do you both go to sleep when baby sleeps?

Put a GPS tracking app on your phone and hide it in his car - (turn off notifications, sounds etc) and check where he has been when you retrieve your phone he comes back then you'll have some ideas where he has really been.

I cannot believe the amount of people suggesting hiding tracking devices... so many threads where women think there are devices in their cars and instant advice is to go to the police. Double standard or what?

OP I love driving! I used to love those times where our DS wouldn't sleep and I'd eagerly offer to take him out in the car for a long drive

I also love my own company and Covid has meant I've sometimes felt I can't breathe for us all being cooped up!

I will often take the car out and drive around beautiful country roads with views or little villages nearby where I grew up. I find it relaxing and it helps me to reset and have a bit of peace and quiet.

So, to me, this would be normal. Also having a toddler, I get the logic of not interrupting bedtime to tell you he's going

I guess the bigger question is, other than going out for drives (and if the petrol is going down a lot you can assume he really is driving around), what is it thats making you not trust him? If the answer is...nothing at all then I'd leave him be. If you want to spend more quality time with him in the evenings then have that conversation too.

[quote justasking111]@Shesalwaysshouting is not interested in date night, nor going out herself whenever he's in charge, preferring to veg. Out. In no hurry to crack cosleeping going through her posts she's more interested in phone tracking. Well if she LTB she can cosleeping every night for the next decade with no partner to worry about[/quote]
Wtaf.

OP chooses to allow her child to naturally sleep and feel safe and you're coming along sprouting bs like she's going it for herself.

@cupsofcoffee

We’ve not done a date night as have zero family here and babysitters very expensive as I’m not working at the moment.

You don't need family or babysitters to have a date night. Sort your DD's sleep issues, put her to bed and have a nice dinner together with candles and some wine in the garden.

Am I missing something? What sleep issues does OP's dd have?

@walkoflifewoohoo

"I’d so love nothing more than to put her to bed at 7 then be sat together downstairs"

So do it. Might take a couple of weeks to crack it but take charge and get on with it.

You've got a 3 year old running rings round you, he works in a manual job in a hot country and now can't even have a shower when he gets in? Why not?

Personally I'd be making her bedtime later if it's this hard, why not spend the evenings together as a family? Either that or teach her to go to bed and spend time together.

FWIW I don't think he's having an affair, he's just bored shitless sat there in his grubby work gear while you lie in bed asleep for hours.

How is a 3 year old toddler running rings around OP by sleeping naturally?

@walkoflifewoohoo

"I can’t force her to sleep and won’t be doing any type of letting her cry it out."

Have I got it wrong or is she 3? She wouldn't be doing "cry it out" at that age anyway and it sounds like you're spending every single evening trying to force her to sleep. That's helping none of you.

If she's 3 then she probably doesn't need a nap, get out and about with your husband or talk to her. It's bedtime. For kids. Not for grown ups.

If she's as tired as you think she is then she'll sleep!

OP isn't forcing her to sleep.

Forcing her to sleep would be doing what you, and other PP suggest.

OP is clearly a selfless mother and lays with her child till she falls asleep.

Sorry OP I'm just reading through the thread and it pisses me off when I see posters trying to force unnatural sleeping habits upon you.

I parent like you.

Please don't think you're doing anything wrong, it's great that you don't leave your dd alone and upset.

@user8984277 I know! 🤷🏻‍♀️🙈

Thank you 🙏

Well my comment was aimed at the posters who said the issue was your parenting of your daughter and not the lack of communication from your DH as to wtf he is actually doing of an evening being a boy racer. I'm sure it's nothing shady, and your life is not shit. But his reaction at being asked is not on and no I have never been accused of overreacting in my life, I'm just naturally suspicious. I can't tag for shit because my phone is fuuuucked.

My ex used to do this. Later transpired that he was a secret cokehead but on the flip side I was glad when he went out as I got the house to myself and got a break from his general bullshit.