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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Who was responsible- me,dp or ds?

130 replies

Ilovesleeeeep · 25/06/2021 12:35

This is a complete non issue but my DP made such a massive fuss about it that I want to see if I was being unreasonable.

DP went for a shower about 20 mins before ds was due for his so he put the emertion on, as he went off he said to me I've put the emertion on so there's enough hot water, i was half listening and that was that. Next day I'm washing my hands and the water is scolding so I know the emertion is on, i ask DP if he turned it off (genuinely just asking not accusing!) and he went off at me, being quite nasty!
First he said it was DS's responsibility to turn it off as he showered last, then when I pointed out DS didn't even know it was on so how on earth could it be his fault he turned on me and said as I knew he'd turned it on it was my responsibility to have turned it off, completely adamant it was nothing to do with him.

I literally expected him to say oh yeah I forgot to turn it off and that be the end of it! The switch is in the airing cupboard so not in plain sight, if I see it on when it doesn't need to be I turn it off but I don't go round checking it unless I'd put it on.

So should me, dp or ds have turned it off?

OP posts:

Aprilx · 25/06/2021 12:38

I think seeing as he put it on for other people, it should have been one of those people that turn it off. But goodness what a lot of fuss over nothing. Does it really matter.

Original poster

Ilovesleeeeep · 25/06/2021 12:42

I completely agree it doesnt matter but the fact he got quite angry about it shocked me.

We don't use the emertion hardly at all so neither me or DS would think to check it regularly, I've prob used it twice in the last 6 months.

OP posts:

Original poster

Ilovesleeeeep · 25/06/2021 12:44

It was 10 at night and I'd had a bath so he hadn't left it on for me.

OP posts:

kindaclassy · 25/06/2021 12:44

what an over-reaction, if DS didn't know, how was he supposed to guess

ColettesEarrings · 25/06/2021 12:44

Our immersion heater is timed, does yours have a similar function?

Tempusfudgeit · 25/06/2021 12:44

How old is DS? Does he know to turn it off after a shower?

SaltAndVinegarSandwiches · 25/06/2021 12:46

The actual issue of the immersion is just a simple miscommunication where no one was especially to blame (on balance perhaps DP should have turned it off since he turned it on but really no big deal). His reaction to it was really OTT though. YANBU

Member984815 · 25/06/2021 12:47

You can get a timer for the immersion , I have one because I was constantly forgetting it was on because it was in a cupboard . Ours can be set to come on for times we need it or boost when needed and switches itself off after hour

PepsiMax91 · 25/06/2021 12:47

I mean to be fair, you did know he hadn't switched it off so asking was just a subtle dig.

You left the heater on I turned it off this morning, can you try remember next time please?

Son, this is the button for the water, just click it off when your finished please!

6 of 1 half a dozen of the other.

It's not really anyone's fault because it's not really an issue.

edwinbear · 25/06/2021 12:47

Presumably when your DP told you he'd switched it on, in his mind, he then absolved himself of any further responsibility and made it your job to remember to either switch it off yourself, or ask your DS to once he'd finished. YANBU.

Mymapuddlington · 25/06/2021 12:48

DP being unreasonable purely for his over the top ridiculous reaction.
I would assume whoever turned it on would turn it off.

Bobbots · 25/06/2021 12:49

Your DP should have checked it was turned off or at least taken responsibility for telling DS that he had turned it on to make sure he had enough water for his shower and to please turn it off after. It was nothing to do with you at all, no reason you should have checked it or done anything. Your DH is BU having a go at you and being nasty.

Original poster

Ilovesleeeeep · 25/06/2021 12:52

@colettesearrings it's just an on/off switch- no timer.

@tempusfudgeit he is more than capable of turning it off if he knew it was on. Our hot water is heated by gas on a timer so the emertion is literally only used if we all need to shower one after the other or something, it didn't even need to be on just to have 2 showers but that was dps choice to turn it on.

OP posts:

PurpleyBlue · 25/06/2021 12:56

This happened all the time when I had an immersion boiler thing. There's no point anyone getting angry about it. But you shouldn't have asked him about it and just turned it off yourself when you'd noticed I think.

Kobayashi21 · 25/06/2021 12:56

Immersion. And it's obviously DP's problem.

knittingaddict · 25/06/2021 12:56

Get a combi boiler?

Might not be the most immediate solution, but I love instant hot water whenever I need it.

ApolloandDaphne · 25/06/2021 12:56

I would only use our Immersion heater if we were without gas. Maybe you need to set your hot water to come on about an hour before shower time?

ApolloandDaphne · 25/06/2021 12:56

Oh and your DP was the one in the wrong!

Reallybadidea · 25/06/2021 12:59

Using the immersion is a really expensive way to heat water. Why not just put the boiler on? If you really must use the immersion then it needs to either be on a timer or set an alarm on your phone/Alexa or whatever. But yeah, your dp should have turned it off, not just assumed that you would do it.

AryaStarkWolf · 25/06/2021 13:00

If your son didn't know it was turned on then he couldn't be expected to be responsible for turning it off, if you weren't having a shower then it was hardly your responsibility to turn it off but anyway it's not that big a deal, he way over reacted

Viviennemary · 25/06/2021 13:01

When we had an immersion heater it was always beeing left on by mistake. Get a light connected then it will be obvious. My Dad did that as he was sick of it being left on. (Never by him of course) it was donkeys years ago. Don't know if you can these days.

dementedpixie · 25/06/2021 13:01

Does your shower run off the hot water tank?
We have electric showers so they heat their own water.

Could you not just have boosted the hot water on the central heating rather than using the immersion heater which is much more expensive than just using gas.

Original poster

Ilovesleeeeep · 25/06/2021 13:04

Sorry for the spelling my landlord has written 'emertion' right next to it and that's how I thought it was spelt 😂😂

OP posts:

Original poster

Ilovesleeeeep · 25/06/2021 13:05

@knittingaddict we had one of those in our last house it was amazing! Unfortunately we rent so we're stuck with what we have.

OP posts:

PurpleyBlue · 25/06/2021 13:10

@Ilovesleeeeep

Sorry for the spelling my landlord has written 'emertion' right next to it and that's how I thought it was spelt 😂😂

I have no idea tbh I just guessed!

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