Who was responsible- me,dp or ds?

[Ilovesleeeeep]

This is a complete non issue but my DP made such a massive fuss about it that I want to see if I was being unreasonable.

DP went for a shower about 20 mins before ds was due for his so he put the emertion on, as he went off he said to me I've put the emertion on so there's enough hot water, i was half listening and that was that. Next day I'm washing my hands and the water is scolding so I know the emertion is on, i ask DP if he turned it off (genuinely just asking not accusing!) and he went off at me, being quite nasty!
First he said it was DS's responsibility to turn it off as he showered last, then when I pointed out DS didn't even know it was on so how on earth could it be his fault he turned on me and said as I knew he'd turned it on it was my responsibility to have turned it off, completely adamant it was nothing to do with him.

I literally expected him to say oh yeah I forgot to turn it off and that be the end of it! The switch is in the airing cupboard so not in plain sight, if I see it on when it doesn't need to be I turn it off but I don't go round checking it unless I'd put it on.

So should me, dp or ds have turned it off?

He sounds awful OP. Tit for tat type.

[quote Ilovesleeeeep]@phoenixrosehere not quite the same but he can be abit like this in other ways so for example he'll be like well I paid for lunch out today so you can give me a back rub later, or if we order a takeaway and he's paid he'll say well you can answer the door even if when the doorbell goes I'm at the other end of the house and he's infront of the door he will insist I come get the door. So I think in his head he thought well I turned it on so she can turn it off because it's not my responsibility. He's very much well I did this so I deserve something for it. Wonder what I deserve after the endless cleaning/washing/cooking etc I do without expecting or getting anything in return!

Just didn't expect the aggression over a bloody immersion switch![/quote]
We teach people how to treat us.

This is an environment that YOU have allowed to develop.

It sounds so awful.

Whose children are living in the middle of this environment?

God help them.

Please reflect on just how awful this man is.
You deserve better.

[quote Ilovesleeeeep]@phoenixrosehere not quite the same but he can be abit like this in other ways so for example he'll be like well I paid for lunch out today so you can give me a back rub later, or if we order a takeaway and he's paid he'll say well you can answer the door even if when the doorbell goes I'm at the other end of the house and he's infront of the door he will insist I come get the door. So I think in his head he thought well I turned it on so she can turn it off because it's not my responsibility. He's very much well I did this so I deserve something for it. Wonder what I deserve after the endless cleaning/washing/cooking etc I do without expecting or getting anything in return!

Just didn't expect the aggression over a bloody immersion switch![/quote]
That’s horrible but sadly very typical of men. They do ONE thing and expect a medal. Women keep the wheels turning without nary a shout.
Have you talked to him about this?
Or started taking the same attitude towards him and see how HE reacts?

[quote Ilovesleeeeep]@phoenixrosehere not quite the same but he can be abit like this in other ways so for example he'll be like well I paid for lunch out today so you can give me a back rub later, or if we order a takeaway and he's paid he'll say well you can answer the door even if when the doorbell goes I'm at the other end of the house and he's infront of the door he will insist I come get the door. So I think in his head he thought well I turned it on so she can turn it off because it's not my responsibility. He's very much well I did this so I deserve something for it. Wonder what I deserve after the endless cleaning/washing/cooking etc I do without expecting or getting anything in return!

Just didn't expect the aggression over a bloody immersion switch![/quote]
I sincerely hope he has many, many redeeming features OP, because I don;t know how you manage to live with this.
He sounds so mean-spirited & immature.

@MyShoelaceIsUndone

Why does it matter ? Couldn’t you have just turn it off without asking about it?

No, because the first time she realised DH hadn't dealt with it was the next day, when she scalded her hand because the water was now hotter than the core of the sun ...