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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset what WFH has done to DH

395 replies

cappuccinoandcats · 21/06/2021 09:57

All staff in the office where DH works are clearing their desks one morning this week. The office is going to be hotdesking and I'm praying he goes to the office for at least two days a week.
He's making all sorts of excuses. Type 2 diabetes, stairs due his bad knees etc. I'm not buying these excuses. He is currently renovating and removing plaster at the weekends, so he CAN do stairs and carry heavy loads !
He doesn't want to work with unvaccinated. He's had both jabs and I've explained the risk is miniscule.
I just want him out of the house sometime during the working week. AIBU

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 21/06/2021 09:58

Why do you want him out the house?

WorraLiberty · 21/06/2021 10:00

You've forgotten to say why?

Original poster
cappuccinoandcats · 21/06/2021 10:00

Because he works in the living room. No space anywhere else.
Because we have to be quiet when he's working.
I want my living room back.
DS (15) wants to have friends round in summer but can't if DH is WFH.

OP posts:
Weirdfan · 21/06/2021 10:03

He sounds scared OP, are you worried about his MH?

bloodyhell19 · 21/06/2021 10:03

Is there a space away from your living room he can locate to for WFH? I'm with your DH I'm afraid. I used to work in a hotdesking office and you never realise how disgusting people are until you hotdesk...

Original poster
cappuccinoandcats · 21/06/2021 10:04

He's comfortable and making excuses

OP posts:
Toebean · 21/06/2021 10:05

So its about you, not him, which is finebut say that

Original poster
cappuccinoandcats · 21/06/2021 10:05

It's about all of us

OP posts:
tallduckandhandsome · 21/06/2021 10:09

What weird responses. He sounds a bit of a selfish prick, commandeering the living room.

YANBU OP, tell him you want the living room back.

Toebean · 21/06/2021 10:10

Can he work in the bedroom?

Toebean · 21/06/2021 10:11

I certainly wouldnt tip toe round. As far as hot desking, tell him to take anti bac wipes/hand sanitiser.

TakeYourFinalPosition · 21/06/2021 10:11

I don’t think he is comfortable and making excuses, though… it sounds like you’ve decided that’s the case?

Hotdesking is grim. I used to do it once per week. Nobody looks after the desk because it’s not “theirs”, and turning up to try and find somewhere is stressful. And that was pre-Covid, I wouldn’t want to be wiping the desk down all the time now.

It does sound like you need a better solution to WFH, though. Can he work from a bedroom? There needs to be give and take. Which is realistically you not kicking him out back to work; and him not taking over the house.

MangoBiscuit · 21/06/2021 10:11

I think YABU to try to force him to go work in the office when he doesn't want to.
I think he is BU to expect to take over the living room while other people want to use it, and expect you all to be quiet. And I say this as someone who is WFH from my living room, because I have no where else to work.

He either needs to relocate to a different part of the house. Or he needs to invest in a good pair of noise cancelling headphones. Or he needs to make sure that other areas of the house meet the needs of the other inhabitants so he can stay in the living room.

I think you need to have a conversation about what you all need, and what your expectations are.

Confusedaboutlots · 21/06/2021 10:11

you can’t force him - can’t he just work somewhere else in the house

MaMelon · 21/06/2021 10:13

Going back to the office takes real courage if you’re in any way anxious. One of my team was so worried about returning for 3 days per week that he was in a state of absolute panic (we work in a hospital) that I had to refer him to Occ Health. However he’s now back and feeling a lot happier about it - but there was real MH problems associated with it that couldn’t be dismissed and he had his own desk. Hotdesking really needs to be managed well - presumably his managers have carried out proper risk assessment and have procedures in place that all staff are adhering to?

Can he not set up a small desk in your bedroom? If you don’t work outside the home then it’s difficult to understand the change in mindset needed to go back to the office (and I really don’t care whether some people have worked in the office all the way through, it’s not a competition).

namechange30455 · 21/06/2021 10:13

He doesn't get to dictate noise levels if he's got a choice to go into the office. You absolutely don't "have to be quiet while he's working". His choices are work at home and accept some normal noise incl your DS having friends round, or go to the office. It's very simple and it's his problem to fix.

khakiandcoral · 21/06/2021 10:14

Why don't you just TELL him the living room is a communal space. He has the right to WFH just as much as you do, but he needs to find his own space, even if it's the bedroom.

If he is in the living room, he has to put up with everybody else using it!

MaybeCrazy2 · 21/06/2021 10:16

Well he can WFH but obviously it’s no longer visible for that to be done in the living room. He needs to move upstairs to the bedroom?

MaryGubbins · 21/06/2021 10:16

I’m with you. My husband I both do about half and half. Today he is on site I am WFH and it feels amazing! He was very anxious going back but that’s settled too. We are lucky and have a old dining room which he can use as an office but that still annoys me as it’s a mess now. It’s not practical to work from home if you don’t have the space long term.

ineedaholidayandwine · 21/06/2021 10:16

You can't make him go back, but likewise he can't make you all be quiet in your own home when he's choosing to stay working there.

I've been double jabbed and look forward to returning to the office and i have bad general anxiety, i feel going into the office might make me feel things are getting a bit better and a bit more normal

mistermagpie · 21/06/2021 10:16

I get it OP. My DH works from home (so do I but on days we both work the three children aren't here). We bought a folding desk and chair for our bedroom so he can work in there, he used to work in the kitchen which meant I was tiptoeing round trying to make lunches and not able to put the washing machine on etc. I think for WFH to work properly with family in the house, the worker needs to have a private space to go and get peace and quiet while the family need to be able to have unrestricted access to the 'family rooms'. He is working from home, that's fine, but what's currently happening in reality is that five days a week you and your son are living at his office.

timeisnotaline · 21/06/2021 10:18

If he has a choice to go to the office, I’d use the living room as normal and not keep it quiet. Why would you? You don’t get to jump up at 4am turn the lights on and vacuum the bedroom because that would inconvenience everyone else in the house and none of it is needed at that time. He doesn’t need the living room.

bigfloweryblouse · 21/06/2021 10:18

I'm with you OP. He needs to find a working space that allows you to live comfortably in your house without having to be quiet or losing the main living room space. I would say that if he wants to work from home permanently then you need to sort this out. It'll even more apparent and difficult during the summer hols when your DS is at home. You all have a right to the space in the living room to sit and relax.

mildlymiffed · 21/06/2021 10:19

How funny- earlier on today a poster was saying she was fearful of going back to work, and she was piled on for being irrational. Yet, here is op's husband (who is double vaccinated, unlike the other poster), who is being supported by replies to continue wfh. The joys of contradictions on MN!

I would say that his risk is minimal given his double vaccination status- but is he actually being asked to go back to work?

As far as I know the government advice to "continue working from home if you can" hasn't changed. If he is able to do his role still from home, he should, to minimise the numbers of people at workplaces.

I know lots of people will say "doctors, teachers, nurses etc." have all been in their workplaces- but this is about minimising people in workplaces overall.

somersault · 21/06/2021 10:20

It sounds like working from home is the most appealing option to him at present but understandably (with him taking over the living room) ita fairly tough going for you.

I think if he works from home it has to be from the bedroom or similar as a compromise.

You might find he then prefers working in the office....