To be upset what WFH has done to DH

[cappuccinoandcats]

All staff in the office where DH works are clearing their desks one morning this week. The office is going to be hotdesking and I'm praying he goes to the office for at least two days a week.
He's making all sorts of excuses. Type 2 diabetes, stairs due his bad knees etc. I'm not buying these excuses. He is currently renovating and removing plaster at the weekends, so he CAN do stairs and carry heavy loads !
He doesn't want to work with unvaccinated. He's had both jabs and I've explained the risk is miniscule.
I just want him out of the house sometime during the working week. AIBU

[MaMelon]

He may then discover that a compromise between WFH and office looks more appealing

Or the OP might find that WOTH is more appealing if she’s not already.

[MirandaBlu]

Noise-cancelling headphones, if there's no other space in the house he can use. Even on a conference call, a good pair will filter out most of the local noise so people on the other end can't hear it. And if he's not on the phone and just needs to concentrate, even better.

Other members of the household should be considerate, but there needs to be compromise. It wouldn't be quiet all day every day in an open plan office, either (since he's impacted by the hotdesking, it sounds like he doesn't have a private office at work either, but pre-WFH he managed to work there?)

[khakiandcoral]

There are so many solutions to have a home office in the smallest rooms these days, unless you are a family in a studio flat, it's a poor excuse.

[Meruem]

One thing I’ve been very grateful for during lockdowns is the fact I’m single! No matter how wonderful the person, being with someone else 24/7 would have driven me mad. So I absolutely sympathise.

If the office is open but he prefers to work from home, then he needs to take steps to set up something that doesn’t inconvenience everyone else. I wfh permanently and I have my desk in my room so that my living space is exactly that. I can shut down my laptop and go downstairs and not think about work.

[Belladonna12]

I'm not sure that his risk is "miniscule" if there are unvaccinated people in the office and he has type 2 diabetes. The astrazeneca vaccine doesn't prevent all cases of the delta variant by any means.

[Summersnightdream]

Do you have a job OP?

[Hollywolly1]

I can totally understand why you want him back in the office if he is using the living room and having to be quiet as well just drive you nuts.
If he could get a desk and work from the bedroom and also why can he not get those head phones that block out noise.
You can not live your life having to be silent

[Summersnightdream]

I think it depends. If you work full time night shifts and day times are your only relaxing time, then I agree your husband shouldn't be WFH and getting in the way. If however you are a SAHM to your 15 year old, then that's a different story entirely

[LittleOwl153]

I think you need to sit down with him and say ok now you are clearing your desk how are we going to make a good office space here for you as working in the living room is simply not working for all of us.

I think this ongoing normal thing is going to be a real headache for alot of people. I have WFH for 12 years mainly working school hours - my DH for 15 or so months FT... He has "taken over" MY office space meaning we are now working back to back. It is a nightmare as he has zoom calls alot which I either have to relocate for or be in the background of which is often not appropriate. We need to get this resolved - but as it works for him he is not keen and 'does have the time' to deal with it.
He WILL be dealing with it or he will be relocating back to his office before the school summer holidays as I am not letting the mayhem that ruined my working day last year continue!

[lavenderandwisteria]

I hear you OP.

DP only leaves the house if I’m with him. It is stifling, to be honest.

He went to the office last week. I had the most lovely day with baby ds, singing songs, playing in the paddling pool, chatting away.

I don’t think he has any idea how I feel about it, but it’s really invasive.

[RaginaFalangi]

@cappuccinoandcats

It's about all of us

Yet it doesn't seem like it is about all of you, more like all about you, he sounds scared and maybe doesn't want you to know he is if you say he's making 'excuses'. You need to sit down and have an adult conversation and see if he can work somewhere else in the house, your bedroom, kitchen, spare room if you have one.

[billy1966]

@Excilente

he either needs to relocate to a bedroom or the dining room, if he's going to be WFH long term, he CANNOT be allowed to commandeer the lounge.

This.

He sounds selfish and needs to be told ver CLEARLY that he doesn't get to control the house.

Poor you and your poor son.

I would no longer be quiet or in ANY way accommodate him.

He isn't thinking of anyone but himself.

[idontlikealdi]

Are you WFH too or don't work? If he is supporting financially then it it was it is. We are building a garden office as my wfh is now permanent.

[toocold54]

I would come to a compromise. You put a fold down desk in the bedroom and he works in there and there’s little noise between certain times but after that the entire household can be noisy whether he’s finished or not.
Honestly it sounds like he is a bit scared of returning which I get if you’d been out of the office for so long but give it a couple more months of DS being home all day and more people vaccinated and he’d probably be more happy to go back part time.

[VerticalHorizon]

I think WFH has changed a lot of people's perceptions about work, and caused them to re-evaluate life / work balance.

If someone's been working from home for a long period, they can often either end up desperate to return to the office, or dread it.

I'd not underestimate a certain level of reluctance on your DH's part. Yes, it's understandable how WFH can be disruptive (keeping quiet, lost space in the home etc), but the return to work shouldn't be trivialised. It might be a really stressful thought for him.

[lavenderandwisteria]

It doesn’t matter whether the OP is working or not.

She is still entitled to use their shared space.

[hemhem]

Does he have a long commute? Is he worried about bringing the virus home to you and DC? Hotdesking and a long train journey is so unappealing, I can understand why he wants to continue WFH. But working in the living room is clearly not sustainable. What other parts.of the house could he work from? Garage? Garden room? Spare bedroom? Dining room? There must be an option which isn't the living room? One of my colleagues is about to get a 6ft shed installed to use as his home office as our company is telling everyone to permanently WFH now

[TopBlogger]

To be upset what WFH has done to DH

But it hasnt done anything to DH - what a strange title to have. I thought you were going to say he has put on 5 stone, wont ever leave the house, and refuses to shower

He just cba to go to the office. DS and his friends will soon help him to make his mind up. Dont tiptoe around him any longer. Your home is a family home, not just a DH WFH place.

[Funfortheroad]

Why don't you go to your office?

[lavenderandwisteria]

@Funfortheroad

Why don't you go to your office?

Maybe she is a SAHM

or she is too unwell / disabled to work

or on maternity leave

or works part time

or shifts / nights

or made redundant and job hunting

Do any of the above mean she can’t enjoy her time at home in peace?

[newnortherner111]

If he wants to be nowhere near unvaccinated colleagues, surely going in the office one afternoon would work?

[khakiandcoral]

@lavenderandwisteria

It doesn’t matter whether the OP is working or not.

She is still entitled to use their shared space.

if she is already working in their bedroom, it makes everything a bit tricky. But it sounds unlikely.

[SuperstoreFan]

My husband has been WFH since March last year and I was on maternity leave not long after, it's not been easy as we only have a one bedroom house but we've made it work.

My husband had a computer desk in the living room corner so that's where he has been working.

Some of the comments in this thread are not very nice, OP's husband is entitled to WFH but I do agree that he needs to find space for a desk.

[thebeesknees123]

YANBU. I would absolutely hate this. I wouldn't want to WFH either

[GlutenFreeGingerCake]

Sounds like he just prefers WFH and after all he is correct that it's not zero risk in the office so why take the (admittedly small) risk when he can WFH which he prefers anyway. As a pp said he has as much right to be at home all day as the OP so he should be allowed to WFH if that's what he wants.

I agree he shouldn't be hogging the living room and making every one be quiet all the time, but if it's going to be permanent then maybe there is a way to set up an office for him somewhere in the house that will be a better solution for the rest of the family.