To be upset what WFH has done to DH

[cappuccinoandcats]

All staff in the office where DH works are clearing their desks one morning this week. The office is going to be hotdesking and I'm praying he goes to the office for at least two days a week.
He's making all sorts of excuses. Type 2 diabetes, stairs due his bad knees etc. I'm not buying these excuses. He is currently renovating and removing plaster at the weekends, so he CAN do stairs and carry heavy loads !
He doesn't want to work with unvaccinated. He's had both jabs and I've explained the risk is miniscule.
I just want him out of the house sometime during the working week. AIBU

[kindaclassy]

I am sure he would like to relax too instead of being stuck working all day.

It's amazing the entitlement of people who refuse to share the house

[KittyMcV]

If someone has taken the option to be the person at home, surely that is work, is it not? It is a different kind of work, and that sort of work means that kids need to be able to do their homework, discuss things, play and be able to make noise. The person at home generally takes on the role of cleaning, laundry, shopping, cooking etc too. Most people don't live in large houses with lots of different areas. I understand that people have been forced to share this space with each-other in this strange and stressful time, but if the option is offered to allow the family to have the house back again, why not take it?!

[AgathaMystery]

[quote VerticalHorizon]@AgathaMystery
You know the answer.
Lead Pipe, in the Lounge.

Problem solved.[/quote]

[VerticalHorizon]

@AgathaMystery
You know the answer.
Lead Pipe, in the Lounge.

Problem solved.

[AgathaMystery]

[quote MangoBiscuit]@AgathaMystery if you have a home office and he's refusing to use it, I would warn him, gently, that the living room is a shared space, and will be used as such, and then just crack on using it.

I would bloody love a tiny little home office, but sadly no room. Living room desk and a good pair of headphones for me.[/quote]
Trust me, I have tried.

I do know how pathetic 'i've tried' sounds but honestly when someone refuses to move what exactly does one do? In all other areas of life my husband is a kind, considerate, decent man.

He has set up a standing desk in the living room (shudder) & also uses the sofa. I actually miss the old days of him at the kitchen table.

I absolutely cannot use the living room when he is WFH.

1. ground floor of our wee terrace is open plan
2. he is on teams all day to India
3. he stands next to TV with back to the room, so essentially you sit watching TV & his back. It's weird. I hate it.

I love the little office & use it all the time.

[cornflowersandpoppies]

There are definitely some on this thread that seem to think if you don’t work you don’t get an opinion.

[NotAllTheOnesWhoWanderAreLost]

@kindaclassy

If you were in an office space, would you feel like relaxing, listening to music and just going on your daily life?

If I was in an office space, I would have to deal with noise and constant interruptions and office politics that I don't have to deal with at home!

Being home is much more efficient, and more enjoyable.
If I have to work 8-10 hours a day, I might as well do it in the best conditions possible.

You didn’t understand what I wanted to say.
I’m not talking about the person working but about the other family members that find themselves in an office (aka the working space of the wfh person) when they are actually at home.

In that position, I, as the non working person, feel like I’m inHIS office and can’t relax because I wouldn’t be able to relax in an office anyway! Despite the fact it’s my home too….

[NotAllTheOnesWhoWanderAreLost]

@kindaclassy

as said many many MANY times on the thread, he should isolate himself in another room, not hog the main living and common area.

That done, he has just as many rights to be in the house as anyone else.

Expecting the one paying the bills to actually leave the house and disappear all day so the other one can.. not work is taking the piss.

And as many many people have said, including the OP, this is not always possible.
If there is no spare room, there isn’t one. Hence working in the dining room in the way of everyone else…..

[kindaclassy]

If you were in an office space, would you feel like relaxing, listening to music and just going on your daily life?

If I was in an office space, I would have to deal with noise and constant interruptions and office politics that I don't have to deal with at home!

Being home is much more efficient, and more enjoyable.
If I have to work 8-10 hours a day, I might as well do it in the best conditions possible.

[kindaclassy]

as said many many MANY times on the thread, he should isolate himself in another room, not hog the main living and common area.

That done, he has just as many rights to be in the house as anyone else.

Expecting the one paying the bills to actually leave the house and disappear all day so the other one can.. not work is taking the piss.

[NotAllTheOnesWhoWanderAreLost]

@kindaclassy

Who's right is it to judge another person's living experience? It sounds to me as if OP's relationship would be helped by a little distance,

fine, but then she should be the one finding that distance. Expecting to be home full time "in peace" is completely unreasonable.

Hmm

When DH is at home working on our dining table, there is no escape (open plan living area). This means that when he works, I feel like I’m in an office, in HIS office. So do the dcs.

If you were in an office space, would you feel like relaxing, listening to music and just going on your daily life? Or would you be wondering if you are disturbing people working, if you are in the way/too noisy etc…?

Personally I’m very aware that I’m in his working space and he needs calm, not big noises etc… I feel like listening to music isn’t on because I would never out on music in my office space iyswim.
That means I don’t feel at home in my own home. I feel like I’m at work, at his work.

Maybe this answer is that I should stop giving a shit and act as of this was my home and like I would normally act in my own home??

[kindaclassy]

Who's right is it to judge another person's living experience? It sounds to me as if OP's relationship would be helped by a little distance,

fine, but then she should be the one finding that distance. Expecting to be home full time "in peace" is completely unreasonable.

[KittyMcV]

Surely the issue is that when someone is wfh you have to tiptoe around them all the time? Also, depending on individual personalities and the dynamic within the home, it could be more challenging for some than for others. Not all marriages are good - some people suffer an element of domestic abuse - and some people, whether male or female, could use the excuse of WFH to monitor, control and bully the other, who has perhaps taken on the traditional role of home-keeper or parent. That's only one scenario and everyone is different. There is a proven psychogical syndrome called 'retired husband syndrome' and I believe a lot of couples have been prematurely launched into it. My daughter and her partner work together at home in delightful harmony. I have friends who need the space apart. Who's right is it to judge another person's living experience? It sounds to me as if OP's relationship would be helped by a little distance, and if he's not listening and availing of that then they may well run into difficulties. Sounds like he has the option to provide that space and she doesn't, so she is not imo being unreasonable.

[Howshouldibehave]

The issue is DH at home all the time which is intrusive on our home.

It’s his home too.

If you don’t give posters any more information, it sounds a bit like you want him to fuck off so you can have peace to watch the telly. What you do is relevant.

[SallyCinnabon]

The issue is DH at home all the time which is intrusive on our home.

I don’t understand. A neighbour bring around all the time is intrusive in your home, not your DH, whose home it also is.

If you’re home all the time would your DH find your presence intrusive?

[sillysmiles]

@thesevenhillsofhome you have not acknowledged anybody who has pointed out that its is also your DHs home.
No one has suggested that it is ok for him to commandeer the communal areas, but it is ok for him to WFH. Then it is about finding a solution that works for everyone including your DH.

Is it that you don't want him in the house during the day or that you don't want him in the siting room?

[thesevenhillsofhome]

I'm OP. My user name is changed.
My work is nothing to do with this.
The issue is DH at home all the time which is intrusive on our home.

[Jux]

Make noise. Let ds have friends over. If dh doesn't like it, he knows he can go into work. He has to allow normal life to continue around him.

[EmmaGrundyForPM]

It's very telling that the OP hasn't returned to this thread to answer all the queries about where she works.

[SofiaMichelle]

@thesevenhillsofhome

My work has nothing to do with this. It's not being able to use our home as a home

No, absolutely. Because this isn't your thread.

You could start your own, perhaps.

[Abracadabra12345]

@KittyMcV

I hate and loathe the whole WFH culture. I think it exasperbates inequalities and causes problems in families. For some it works very well and for others it's a nightmare.

True.

Three of my nearest neighbours wfh so I hear the endless, booming Zoom calls whenever we’re in the garden throughout the day. These are new things. I don’t think they will be returning to wo from what they’ve said.

I have enormous sympathy for the OP. Wfh in a designated room away from the communal space is one thing. Manspreading in the living room day after day must be difficult. Don’t people value distance in their relationships? Isn’t that healthy?

[thesevenhillsofhome]

My work has nothing to do with this. It's not being able to use our home as a home

[SofiaMichelle]

Just catching up with this thread again.

I took it that OP was also WFH, but looks like I've imagined that?

If OP is unemployed (as PPs have said) then presumably things will be resolved when she's working again.

[KittyMcV]

I hate and loathe the whole WFH culture. I think it exasperbates inequalities and causes problems in families. For some it works very well and for others it's a nightmare.

[MangoBiscuit]

@AgathaMystery if you have a home office and he's refusing to use it, I would warn him, gently, that the living room is a shared space, and will be used as such, and then just crack on using it.

I would bloody love a tiny little home office, but sadly no room. Living room desk and a good pair of headphones for me.