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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset what WFH has done to DH

395 replies

cappuccinoandcats · 21/06/2021 09:57

All staff in the office where DH works are clearing their desks one morning this week. The office is going to be hotdesking and I'm praying he goes to the office for at least two days a week.
He's making all sorts of excuses. Type 2 diabetes, stairs due his bad knees etc. I'm not buying these excuses. He is currently renovating and removing plaster at the weekends, so he CAN do stairs and carry heavy loads !
He doesn't want to work with unvaccinated. He's had both jabs and I've explained the risk is miniscule.
I just want him out of the house sometime during the working week. AIBU

OP posts:
WeAllHaveWings · 21/06/2021 12:19

I would be looking for alternatives space wise.

Our bed is right up against the wall, need to do a very squashed side step to get into the en-suite, and we've put a set of drawers in the hallway so we can fit in another workspace in a room where the door can be shut instead of taking over the main living area.

Can you move any furniture it the living room to free up space for a desk in the bedroom?

CompanyCrowdFight · 21/06/2021 12:23

I gave up trying to keep the DC quiet. It’s not fair on them. After much muttering, DH now works in DS’s room and goes into the office a couple of times a week so the DC can have friends over.

TwoLeftElbows · 21/06/2021 12:23

YABU in that there are loads of different solutions to the problem of him commandeering the main living space. YANBU to think he's being selfish but over a year into WFH, how have you not found a way to live together yet?

DC bedrooms often make good office spaces, unless DC also WFH.

Summersnightdream · 21/06/2021 12:32

@lavenderandwisteria

It doesn’t matter whether the OP is working or not.

She is still entitled to use their shared space.

Of course it matters. If OP is a SAHM to their 15 year old (which roughly translates as doesn't want to get a job) then she can get a job and have some more 'space' when she's out the house. She can't expect to lounge around all day being taken care of financially and sulk because he husband working gets in the way of her tv
FakeColinCaterpillar · 21/06/2021 12:35

I wasn’t working and DH was working in the living room and it was driving me crazy. He’s moved upstairs now and it’s much better. I’m back at work but home early so means I can sit and have a cup of tea when I get in.
What I’m sick of is the WiFi. He tells us to stay off if he has a really important conference call and I’m not looking forward to the summer holidays trying to share it with DC (it was hard when they were remote schooling). Or him having very loud meetings at 7am.
I also don’t think being at home does him any good and he needs to be at least occasionally (his works decision, not his).

museumum · 21/06/2021 12:36

One member of a household cannot turn the livingroom of the house into an office. It is not far if there is ANY other option. And his office being open is a VERY good option - I'd be sending him to a cowork space or a cafe some of the time even if that wasn't an option. It's awful having no livingroom.

I'd be sending an ultimatum that he either gets his arse back to the office or he converts a shed or the loft or spare bedroom if there is one.

toolazytothinkofausername · 21/06/2021 12:37

My DH has his desk and computer in our bedroom. Could this be an option instead?

ZooKeeper19 · 21/06/2021 12:37

@cappuccinoandcats are you me? I have 2 under 2 with DH WFH since the 1st one was 3m and I am climbing the walls here. It's all "be quiet make no noise" and constantly apologising to his colleagues for the kids (babies!) and I have to leave the house at all times (rain, heat, sick, tired - I must go out with the kids every day).
God how I wish he'd go work elsewhere for a day or two as well! YA absolutely not BU. Hope it works for you.

lavenderandwisteria · 21/06/2021 12:40

summers are we really displaying the attitude that a non working parent (and there are a myriad of reasons why this might be the case) can never relax at home?

Not watch TV, or have friends over, or listen to music? Because a Man is there?

Summersnightdream · 21/06/2021 12:43

@lavenderandwisteria

summers are we really displaying the attitude that a non working parent (and there are a myriad of reasons why this might be the case) can never relax at home?

Not watch TV, or have friends over, or listen to music? Because a Man is there?

Simply displaying the attitude that if the OP only has a 15 year old, she should 100% be working. If she was out of the house during the day earning money to contribute towards the family pot, then she would have her lounge free when she gets home and her husband has also finished work. If you can't be bothered to get a job, you 100% have no right to dictate where the person who does have a job works from
Howshouldibehave · 21/06/2021 12:43

What are your working hours, @cappuccinoandcats? Do you WFH as well?

OrangeRug · 21/06/2021 12:44

Whilst I don't share your husband's fear of covid I much preferred WFH for other reasons and hotdesking sounds AWFUL so I can understand him being reluctant to go back. But I can also imagine why he is driving you mental working in the living room. If he's going to continue WFH he needs to sort out a work space somewhere else in the house.

jabbyjabjab · 21/06/2021 12:47

You're being hugely unreasonable with your attitude. You're not going into an office yourself, so you're asking your DH to do something you're not prepared to do. It's very easy to say it's an opinion, but many people are genuinely uncomfortable with the necessary risk.

A more reasonable approach would be to look at how the house can be better shared - can one of the rooms be repurposed to allow DH enough space to work and enough noise separation for you to do whatever it is you need to do?

It may be you need to turn the bedrooms into a bedroom/living space, it may be that you need to turn one of the bedrooms into a bedroom/office space. It really depends on what you've got to work with - but the answer is not to kick DH out of his own home because you don't want him there. The answer is to find a better way to co-exist.

vivainsomnia · 21/06/2021 12:54

Are you a SAHM?

He's probably delighted to be WFH, no more commuting, can work in comfy shoes, more freedom. Yet you think he should deal with all the pain if working in the office just to please you?

You need to work out a reasonable place for him to work at home without others being confined to small places. Maybe arrange a small desk in the bedroom.

You can dictate that he doesn't use the living room, you can't dictate that he can't work from home.

khakiandcoral · 21/06/2021 12:55

@lavenderandwisteria

summers are we really displaying the attitude that a non working parent (and there are a myriad of reasons why this might be the case) can never relax at home?

Not watch TV, or have friends over, or listen to music? Because a Man is there?

don't be disingenuous, it has nothing to do with a "Man". Hmm

ANY partner has as much right as the other to be at home, and expecting the house to be reserved from the non-working one is taking the piss.

It's not being at home the issue, it's hogging the communal living space instead of setting up the office in a separate room.

It's better for the worker to have a room to go to when they want a break anyway.

timeisnotaline · 21/06/2021 12:56

Covid has been going on for over a year now. I highly doubt the op hasnt suggested ‘darling couldn’t we put a desk in room x…’ already.

MareofBeasttown · 21/06/2021 12:58

My DH has type 2 diabetes too. I sympathise with you because I too would have loved him to go back. However, given rates are climbing and the fact that he is 52 and wd have to go in on the Tube, I have changed my mind. He has a v small desk and laptop, and his desk is in our bedroom. Not ideal but needs must.

cushioncovers · 21/06/2021 13:01

Sounds to me like the op's husband has just got very comfortable working from home and is finding any reason to not go back to working in the office. If you can work in an office why would you clog up your home and make the main living room unusable for the rest of the family. It's selfish imo

lavenderandwisteria · 21/06/2021 13:05

ANY partner has as much right as the other to be at home

But there is a difference between being at home and working at home. A huge difference.

wifeofspartacus · 21/06/2021 13:07

There's a pandemic on. YABU.

CrazyNeighbour · 21/06/2021 13:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fundays12 · 21/06/2021 13:09

Stop being quiet around him. Let ds have his friends round in his room if they make a noise so be it. Dh can go to the office then,

PurpleReigns · 21/06/2021 13:09

Stop
Tiptoeing- he’ll soon go back

ememem84 · 21/06/2021 13:12

dh s currently working from home. i'm back in the office 3 days a week (only work 4 days as Fridays army day with the kids).

i've said to him that some fridays me and then kids will be around so he'll have to either put up with the noise or work in our room. having said that dd will usually nap and on friday afternoons ds likes to watch tv and snuggle on the couch so its not too noisy.

we bought dh fancy noise cancelling headphones fro his birthday last year too so he should be able to shut himself off...

khakiandcoral · 21/06/2021 13:14

@lavenderandwisteria

ANY partner has as much right as the other to be at home

But there is a difference between being at home and working at home. A huge difference.

for the one working, yes, but it doesn't change anything over their right to be there!

Especially when working is what pays for the house in the first place...
But communal spaces should stay communal.