To be upset what WFH has done to DH

[cappuccinoandcats]

All staff in the office where DH works are clearing their desks one morning this week. The office is going to be hotdesking and I'm praying he goes to the office for at least two days a week.
He's making all sorts of excuses. Type 2 diabetes, stairs due his bad knees etc. I'm not buying these excuses. He is currently renovating and removing plaster at the weekends, so he CAN do stairs and carry heavy loads !
He doesn't want to work with unvaccinated. He's had both jabs and I've explained the risk is miniscule.
I just want him out of the house sometime during the working week. AIBU

[khakiandcoral]

I don't think anyone is unreasonable to WFH, and every adult has the same right to use the house as the other. The house doesn't belong to the one working less hours!

But, it's not fair to impact on the kids, and communal space stays communal.

The worst place is the kitchen! People need to use it all the time.
If might need moving things around, but if the only spare room is the bedroom, that's where the one working the longest hours needs to go.

[Sweettruelies]

Why are you at home all the time op? Do you also wfh?

[WorraLiberty]

He needs to set up office in the bedroom and close the door if noise bothers him.

[timeisnotaline]

@mildlymiffed

How funny- earlier on today a poster was saying she was fearful of going back to work, and she was piled on for being irrational. Yet, here is op's husband (who is double vaccinated, unlike the other poster), who is being supported by replies to continue wfh. The joys of contradictions on MN!

I would say that his risk is minimal given his double vaccination status- but is he actually being asked to go back to work?

As far as I know the government advice to "continue working from home if you can" hasn't changed. If he is able to do his role still from home, he should, to minimise the numbers of people at workplaces.

I know lots of people will say "doctors, teachers, nurses etc." have all been in their workplaces- but this is about minimising people in workplaces overall.

I can choose to go to the office or not, because I work in our little study. We have a screen on the dining table to plug the laptop into because there’s no natural light in the study, but never use it when someone else is around as that’s the living / dining space. When it’s dh and I both at home one person uses our bedroom most of the day.
The ops dh is unreasonably taking up the family living space. He needs to go to the office as presumably hes rejected any other alternatives at home.

[Cam2020]

What weird responses. He sounds a bit of a selfish prick, commandeering the living room.

I think that's a bit unfair. A lot of people are going to have anxiety about a return to 'normal'. This whole situation has screwed with people's MH and 'Lockholm Syndrome' is going to be a big problem.

I don't think this environment is healthy though - for any of you. You all need space and to feel comfortable at home. Your DH's issues with going back to the office aren't going to get any better in their own, in fact they'll get worse the longer this goes on.

[SD1978]

Can you set up a workstation outside the living room, in your bedroom? How May days a week are you currently working outside the home? Many people have become used to WFH- if it's going to become more the norm for him, maybe start looking at the best way to accomodate it, so it doesn't disrupt everyone?

[honeylulu]

You don't have any more right to the use of the house than he does, but that works both ways. Him hogging the living room (a communal family space) unless there is no other option is selfish as it is then him feeling that he has more "right" to use the house than the other family members.

Is there a spare bedroom or a space in your bedroom where he could have a workstation set up? Or in a lesser used room (not kitchen or living room)?

H and I have both WFH since last March. We already had one small spare bedroom set up as a study which I already used once a week on a WFH day so that quickly became established as my WFH space. It's too small to share properly and I am a solicitor so I need to be able to work confidentially. H started off working in the living room, sprawled on the sofa with his laptop, papers and clutter all over the coffee table and floor (which didn't get cleared away). I was quite firm that that was not going to work. To emphasise the point I would loudly do the Joe Wicks morning workouts in there with our youngest, and put the TV on when I was eating my lunch. He quickly set himself up an office in our (rarely used) dining room!

[SpongeBobJudgeyPants]

@tallduckandhandsome

What weird responses. He sounds a bit of a selfish prick, commandeering the living room.

YANBU OP, tell him you want the living room back.

This. It sounds unbearable.

[Cattitudes]

He needs to find space away from communal areas especially now he does have other options.

[swg1]

Living room sounds like it was a good temporary solution. It's time to sit down with him and chat about a permanent one. Go over the house -- is there truly nowhere that could be converted, maybe getting rid of something that is no longer being used, to stick a small desk in? I have a friend working in a small converted under the stairs cupboard - we call her Harry Potter a lot but it works! Consider what can be changed to make this work better.

[Excilente]

he either needs to relocate to a bedroom or the dining room, if he's going to be WFH long term, he CANNOT be allowed to commandeer the lounge.

[user1471528245]

You need to ask him, in his office do people tip toe around and have all conversations in whispers So as not to disturb him, clearly the answer will be no, so why is it now a thing that there can be no background noise in his current office, clearly the long term solution is for him to relocate to a shed,bedroom or rented office space, until then he needs to understand his office was not silent before and it won’t be now and he cannot dictate terms for the shared space

[PostmanPatandhiscat]

It’s probably just anxiety . I was off shielding from work and I convinced myself I wanted a new job . Didn’t want to go back coz I was scared of getting covid . I was trying to talk myself out of going back to my job whereas in reality one shift back and it was like I hadn’t been away at all .

Could you talk to him and reassure him maybe , help him find out out what’s bothering him .

[Shoxfordian]

Can he work in another room?

[Tangled22]

YABU to expect him to go into the office if he doesn’t want or need to.

He is BU to expect to work in the living room! And for everyone to stay out and be silent. He needs to get a small desk in the bedroom like everyone else who works from home. Poor you and poor teenage DS.

[SaltAndVinegarSandwiches]

YANBU OP. I could understand without a vaccination being hesitant but he can't comandeer the living room and require quiet across the house indefinitely. Is he actually anxious or just enjoying home comforts?

[BarbaraofSeville]

If he's permanently WFH can he build a cabin in the garden? If he's handy he could even build it himself so doesn't need to cost a lot and the savings on commuting often justifies the cost.

Agree that use of shared space when others are around isn't a good solution when it's permanent. I'm in our living room but it only works because it's large enough to keep a proper desk set up and I almost always have the house to myself during normal working hours.

But even I'm seriously considering getting a garden office so I can use a bigger desk and also have a proper home/work separation.

[GreatestSh0wUnicorn]

I was going to say leave him be but if it’s affecting you all then he needs to go back to the office or find a different space. Garden office? Bedroom?

[lockdownalli]

Bollocks to all tip toeing around him when he has an office he can work from (or another room, not sure why that isn't possible?)

I would be as noisy and disruptive as possible in the hopes he goes back to the office.

[loveliesbleeding1]

Is there any space at all for a small desk in the bedroom?Are you a SAHM or do you also WFH?

[Pinkdelight3]

Why are you at home all the time op? Do you also wfh?

This. It's his home too. You have to all figure out how to make it work without him needing to be out of there so it's all yours.

[Dozer]

What do you mean ‘what WFH is doing to him’?

If the issue is your H’s behaviours, and / or wishes, talk to him about it and ask him to make some changes.

Would be unfair to ask DC not to have friends over / not to have use of the living room during the school holidays: IMO DH should attend the office or work upstairs!

[Chikapu]

I would be as noisy and disruptive as possible in the hopes he goes back to the office

Why would you treat the people you live with like this? It's his home too and he's entitled to use it as much as the OP is. Have a conversation about creating a space away from the living room to work in.

[SofiaMichelle]

@Pinkdelight3

Why are you at home all the time op? Do you also wfh?

This. It's his home too. You have to all figure out how to make it work without him needing to be out of there so it's all yours.

Exactly.

Presumably you're also WFH if he's in your way all day, OP?

[DianeCherry]

He can WFH as his "new normal" but has to accept that you have a new normal too and that doesn't include tiptoeing round the house and not having friends over. He may then discover that a compromise between WFH and office looks more appealing