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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What did I do wrong? So upset

162 replies

Eatcabbage · 17/06/2021 18:18

I’m a single parent and going through some really horrible and difficult stuff at the moment.
One of the very few good bits left of my life at the moment are doing nice things for my child.
I’ve recently started taking them for riding lessons in a nearby village, which they love.
Last week, which was the first ride, I went for a walk whilst the ride was out. There is only one route around the village, so I followed along behind for the first minute or two until they trotted off, and then went for a walk on my own.
This week I went to do the same and was loudly told not to, as apparently other parents have complained.
I was totally taken aback and now I’m really really upset. I’ve been made to feel like I’ve done something awful.
I’m struggling not to cry and would rather never go back, but my child was enjoying riding so much and I’ve just paid a lot of money up front for a course of lessons.
Everything else is so tough at the moment. We don’t even have anywhere to live. I’ve had to walk away from our house because of a serious problem neighbour and it has left me feeling suicidal. I really didn’t need this.
I’m not sure what I’m asking.
Maybe what did I do wrong?
Would it be bad to stop my child from going back because of me feeling upset?

OP posts:
tornadosequins · 17/06/2021 18:20

I'm sorry you're upset.

Do you mean you were walking behind the horses?

LoopTheLoops · 17/06/2021 18:21

I’m not sure what happened but your reaction does seem a bit extreme to never go back?

Looneytune253 · 17/06/2021 18:22

'The other parents have complained'? That's one of the shittiest excuses I've ever heard!! Why shouldn't you go for a wander when your daughters busy. Speak up for yourself and ask them why.

Hellocatshome · 17/06/2021 18:22

I would ask them what the parent had complained about? Maybe they didn't like you following the riders as they had been told they weren't allowed to?

ChessieFL · 17/06/2021 18:23

I expect other parents thought you were walking with the horses the whole way round. Just clarify with whoever told you not to. You may just need to amend your walking route. They can’t stop you going for a walk anyway.

Original poster
Eatcabbage · 17/06/2021 18:23

I was walking maybe 25 metres behind for a couple of minutes.

OP posts:
Bagelsandbrie · 17/06/2021 18:24

They won’t want you following the horses as it can make it them unsettled. It’s also dangerous to walk directly behind horses incase they kick - but I’m sure you weren’t that close?

I think you’re going through a tough time and are understandably feeling sensitive and down. Just shrug it off and next time wait in your car and read a book or whatever.

PinkMendinilla · 17/06/2021 18:24

Did they say what the complaints were about? Ask if not. You can walk wherever you like. I suppose unless you were too close to the horses or it was private land or something.

funnylittlefloozie · 17/06/2021 18:25

You haven't done something awful. I've been around riding schools for more than 40 years and without exception, they are crammed with nutters. Why would anyone care if you walked out behind the ride, assuming you weren't jogging along shouting encouragement to your kids?

Wait five minutes, and then go for your walk.

Speakuptomakeyourselfheard · 17/06/2021 18:25

OP, what exactly have other parents complained about? You leaving your child to enjoy the lesson, you going off on your own for a walk? Sorry, it just doesn't seem clear? Was it not made clear to you?

WorraLiberty · 17/06/2021 18:25

I think this is a massive overreaction OP

But understandable because you have other things going on.

You didn't know you weren't allowed to follow on behind and now you do. That's the long and the short of it really so try not to let it bother you.

citycitycity · 17/06/2021 18:26

Just give them 5/10 minutes to set off and then go for your walk.

Sorry you’re going through such a tough time Flowers

Exhausted4ever · 17/06/2021 18:26

I'm sorry you're going through such a difficult time. However I do think you're not reacting well to this. Have you asked what the issue is, whether it's you following the horses or going for a walk in general? Definitely don't stop her going because of this

StayOrGoOrWhat · 17/06/2021 18:26

Sometimes, when there’s loads going on, it can be something relatively small that feels like it breaks you.
I’m not sure why they said you couldn’t walk behind and why anybody would have complained. You’re not unreasonable to be upset but please sleep on it before deciding not to take the children back.

Gazelda · 17/06/2021 18:27

What a shame this wasn't handled better. It sounds like a misunderstanding, the person should have just told you quietly face to face rather than so abruptly.
But please, I'm 100% certain nothing was meant personally. There will be no ill feeling.

Continue with your daughter's lessons and just find a different route for your stroll.
I hope things are soon looking brighter for you.

Ellpellwood · 17/06/2021 18:27

Told you not to what? What was the exact wording?

Shitfuckcommaetc · 17/06/2021 18:27

Your reaction is a bit extreme. Just wait 5 minutes and then walk? Unless they want you to stay onsite?

CleanQueen123 · 17/06/2021 18:32

Did they explain exactly what the issue was?

I mean, was it that you were walking behind the horses or was it that you left the premises?

I can see that they would want you to stay on the yard so that they knew where you were in the event that your child had an accident.

I wonder if other parents asked if they could walk out with their children and were told no, then saw you walking out behind them and though you were going with the ride.

Mischance · 17/06/2021 18:33

It's just a misunderstanding. Explain that you branched off and were not following all the way round. Perhaps wait another time till the horses are out of sight before setting off. Or can you do this walk a different way round?

I know how sensitive and vulnerable you can feel when you are on your own. Have a hand hold. Smile

HotelCaliforniaOnRepeat · 17/06/2021 18:34

Explain and ask if you can leave ahead or a few minutes later.

MrsWhites · 17/06/2021 18:35

I think we need to know what the parents were complaining about before we can comment. But from your post it doesn’t sound like you have done much wrong, no need for you to not go back. Kindly I think you are over reacting but that’s easily done when you are feeling vulnerable!

Shoxfordian · 17/06/2021 18:35

This is definitely an overreaction

I don’t see what the issue was with you walking behind the horses though

crinklyfoil · 17/06/2021 18:36

Riding schools are nuts, honestly. It isn’t you.

WorraLiberty · 17/06/2021 18:37

If the issue is with the OP walking behind the horses, maybe the other parents have wanted to do the same and been told it's distracting for the kids and/or horses.

Bluntness100 · 17/06/2021 18:39

Honestly op, you’ve not done anything wrong but you shouldn’t be walking behind the horses.

Just take your kid back. It’s fine.

But what do you mean you don’t have anywhere to live? Where do you both sleep?

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