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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What did I do wrong? So upset

162 replies

Eatcabbage · 17/06/2021 18:18

I’m a single parent and going through some really horrible and difficult stuff at the moment.
One of the very few good bits left of my life at the moment are doing nice things for my child.
I’ve recently started taking them for riding lessons in a nearby village, which they love.
Last week, which was the first ride, I went for a walk whilst the ride was out. There is only one route around the village, so I followed along behind for the first minute or two until they trotted off, and then went for a walk on my own.
This week I went to do the same and was loudly told not to, as apparently other parents have complained.
I was totally taken aback and now I’m really really upset. I’ve been made to feel like I’ve done something awful.
I’m struggling not to cry and would rather never go back, but my child was enjoying riding so much and I’ve just paid a lot of money up front for a course of lessons.
Everything else is so tough at the moment. We don’t even have anywhere to live. I’ve had to walk away from our house because of a serious problem neighbour and it has left me feeling suicidal. I really didn’t need this.
I’m not sure what I’m asking.
Maybe what did I do wrong?
Would it be bad to stop my child from going back because of me feeling upset?

OP posts:
QueenBee52 · 17/06/2021 18:43

They're not very clear in what the complaint from 'other parents' was 🤔

Aprilx · 17/06/2021 18:43

You are totally over reacting. All you needed to do was say “oh I’m sorry, what is the problem”. There perhaps was some protocol regarding walking behind the horses that you were not observing. I am sure somebody would have explained the matter and then you say “no problem, sorry about that I am new to this”.

Original poster
Eatcabbage · 17/06/2021 18:47

I was just walking out of the yard and the instructor shouted back to me and asked if I was going to follow the ride. I thought they meant they wanted me to in case my child needed leading or something, but I said I didn’t think I could keep up to do that. They were a bit of a way off by that point, so the instructor then loudly shouted back and said could I not follow because other parents had complained, but that she herself didn’t mind. Some of the other parents were standing close by, so I was really embarrassed and felt ashamed, as though they thought I was a risk to their children or something.
I didn’t have a chance to ask why. When the ride got back, all the other parents were by the horses, watching the children, but I kept away and stayed inside my car and waited for my child to get in too. It’s really not the distraction from stress I was hoping it would be for both of us.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 17/06/2021 18:50

Some of the other parents were standing close by, so I was really embarrassed and felt ashamed, as though they thought I was a risk to their children or something.

Genuine question but did you take everything to heart before your neighbour/housing problems?

me4real · 17/06/2021 18:51

YANBU. I don't see what their problem was at all. I know it's easy to say but try and brazen it out. Just have as little to do with them as possible when you drop your daughter off.

As to your mental health, please go/go back to your GP. If one thing hasn't worked there are loads of things they can try, or different doses. There is still room for improvement.

Also look into counselling or some other support. I had counselling and also attended a group via Zoom (my particular group was Freedom Programme etc, but there are probably all sorts of things on.) it was great.

pyjamams13 · 17/06/2021 18:53

Oh bless you. I bet it was just one nutty parent sticking their nose in who had thought you had followed them all the way round and got jealous and whinged about it.
I'm like you and I get really upset easily by other people and put myself down. Defiantly keep going back and once keep going for your walks. your not following them so their is no problem.

Domoresteps · 17/06/2021 18:54

Did they just want you to wait in the centre while the lesson was on? I went for a short walk during my dc’s lesson once and they fell off and the staff were not impressed that they couldn’t find me straight away.

CleanQueen123 · 17/06/2021 18:54

It sounds like it was poorly handled but I imagine they don't want a gang of parents to manage on the ride as well as the kids and ponies.

Someone probably saw you follow last time and thought you'd gone with them.

Did you fill out any forms when you signed your daughter up? What parents are/aren't allowed to do might be in the terms and conditions.

Be brave and go back. I highly doubt the parents think you're a danger to their children. It's more that they assumed you were being allowed to do something they weren't.

funnylittlefloozie · 17/06/2021 18:55

That makes my point exactly. Riding schools = nutters,and very often, nutters with poor social skills. Please don't stop taking your daughter if she enjoys it - would you like to have lessons as well, perhaps?

3luckystars · 17/06/2021 18:55

I think that you misunderstood, nobody complained about YOU, I think she meant that parents complained (in the past) when people hung around behind the horses.

Riding instructors (in my opinion) can be very harsh and to the point, it’s such a dangerous area with children and horses, they can often just let a roar at parents and it’s nothing personal. Keep going with your daughter if she is enjoying it. You will get used to it, nobody probably even noticed. All the best.

arithanaggerton · 17/06/2021 18:56

It is not you. I've had many batshit experiences when I used to ride and also with a riding school my DC's have been with. These entail:

  1. Parents being confined to the reception area while the DC are having a lesson. I wasn't even able to do the 30 second walk to get something out of my car.
  1. My DD had a children's horse care course and part of it was where they had learned how to put the stack back in stock. As we were leaving we had a gobby, shouting yelling woman come up to us saying "What have you done to this bridle you've put it back completely wrong!!!!". My child was 8.
  1. We were not allowed to eat anywhere on the outdoor premises in case the horses got excited. So for example having a packet of crisps while walking from the car park to the indoor reception would get you yelled at.

There's many more. Don't take it to heart OP.

1FootInTheRave · 17/06/2021 18:58

Don't think too much about it.

Sounds like one weirdo has stuck their nose in where it's not needed nor warranted.

arithanaggerton · 17/06/2021 18:59

Children + horses is basically a health and safety legislation and insurance nightmare so it makes sense that riding school staff and other parents can be a bit...highly strung. So as I said, don't take it personally.

Stompythedinosaur · 17/06/2021 18:59

The other parents are not more valuable or important than you - try to embrace not giving a shit what they think. Take your dc to a nice activity and ignore the lot of them - either wait a few extra mins until the horses are gone or sit in your car and read or go on your phone.

It isn't you, it is them.

ilovemydogandmrobama2 · 17/06/2021 18:59

Would bet it was ONE parent who casually mentioned it.

Don't worry, you didn't know the protocol but tbh, the stables should have told you the, 'rules,'

3luckystars · 17/06/2021 18:59

I think you should definitely go back next week, just to see her shout at someone else. She she’s probably done it to all of them at some stage.

YelloYelloYello · 17/06/2021 18:59

I think that you misunderstood, nobody complained about YOU, I think she meant that parents complained (in the past) when people hung around behind the horses.
^ I took it to mean this too.

Possibly the other parents who were there that day were embarrassed thinking you thought they had complained about you! Try not to overthink it.

Maggiesfarm · 17/06/2021 19:00

Those parents are weird. Did they give reasons?

My children used to ride, I or husband would drop them and pick them up at the end of the session. That seemed to be the normal thing to do then.

I'd love to know what these critical people expected you to do without explaining.

Melitza · 17/06/2021 19:00

Horsey people are very direct and not tactful.
They can be extremely supportive though.
Keep going with your dc and they'll get to know you and you'll learn a lot.

Summerfun54321 · 17/06/2021 19:00

Were the complaints even about you? Did the instructor mean they’ve had complaints about parents following the ride generally? To have multiple complaints from other parents the first time you personally did something for 2 mins is really unlikely. Maybe it’s a problem they’ve had previously caused by someone else. Just send the instructor and email and ask what they meant so you can avoid friction in future.

Bluntness100 · 17/06/2021 19:02

Op I also think you’ve misunderstood, they may have complained you were allowed and they weren’t, or that they felt you were following too close, or even it was someone else ages ago so now they had a rule .

Have you always been so sensitive or is this recent? The healthy reaction would be “sure, what’s that about then”.

xoJellybean · 17/06/2021 19:03

Omg those saying this is an overreaction... shut up!!! You have NO idea what OP is going through and how something like this incident can affect someone. Piss off.

Mugsen · 17/06/2021 19:03

You meet some horrible people sometimes. Don't let them stop you doing what you enjoy. Focus on the activity.

Endofether · 17/06/2021 19:03

Ah poor you. I’m a single mum and totally am same if something horrible happens like that can really affect me badly . You’ve done nothing wrong ! Maybe look for a different stables ? Big hug x

FriendlyBiscuit · 17/06/2021 19:04

Have an unmumsnetty hug from me (((())))). Don’t worry about them. You know you did nothing wrong. It sounds like you are having a tough time at the moment. It’s so overwhelming/relentless being a lone parent. Be kind to yourself and enjoy your DC’s riding lessons Flowers