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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what your biggest regret in life is?

830 replies

SylviaPlath1984 · 28/03/2021 09:22

Or even what you feel you might regret in the future if you don't do it soon?

I regret not taking school more seriously or trying harder, not making more of myself.

What about you?

OP posts:
ScrumptiousBears · 28/03/2021 09:30

Not having children before my dad died.

SteveArnottsWaistcoat · 28/03/2021 09:31

Similar to you OP. I was desperately unhappy at school and had very little confidence or self esteem due to bullying. I couldn’t concentrate and became resentful because none of my teachers would help or take me seriously.

I wish I had had the confidence to build a bit of a career before having kids too because it’s at times left me feeling very dependant and vulnerable.

I’ve always believed that I’m stupid and placed my abilities and capabilities below everyone else’s. Always felt I’m never enough for anything I do.

I know now that’s bullshit. Only realised in the last few years so, and now at 42 I’m gradually turning it in it’s head.

kindlekeeper · 28/03/2021 09:31

Giving up my career when having children. It wasn’t stellar but I loved and and could have gone somewhere. Twenty years later I can no longer physically do it and done have an alternative.

Crockof · 28/03/2021 09:35

I wish I hadn't believed that education was the answer. I gave up opportunities as I was so certain that getting a good education was the right thing to do. Saddled with university debt, great education on paper but no career, working alongside other people who also have it all on paper but not in real life.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 28/03/2021 09:35

Not asking for help when DS was born and I was struggling. I did not enjoy being a mum until he was about 2 or 3 years old. It didn't help that his dad and I split up when he was 10 months so I was extremely isolated with a young baby.

annie987 · 28/03/2021 09:36

Getting into lots of debt at a young age. Almost finished paying it off now at the grand old age of 42! The things we could have done if we hadn’t been paying that back. Had nothing to show for it either!

KingsRoad · 28/03/2021 09:41

I wish someone had told me that different jobs get paid vastly different salaries so that I would have taken that into consideration when thinking about careers.

notanothertakeaway · 28/03/2021 09:45

I knew what I wanted to do for a career, but was persuaded to go into something else instead

willithappen · 28/03/2021 09:48

My biggest regret is being so focussed on boyfriends from a teenage age. To the point I lost out on good opportunities.
I'm 28 now, I know I still have time ahead of me but yeah.
I went to the university nearest me so I could stay home and be with me boyfriend at the time (who of course was cheating on me the whole time). Got accepted to all my choices and realistically would have moved to Edinburgh and went to halls if boyfriend wasn't in the picture.

Went to work at a summer camp in America shortly after, best experience of my life, but of course I got involved with someone over there too. Most intense summer romance, love at first sight type pthing. Turns out he wasn't the best either (I have a whooole story on this). I was meant to go back to camp the following year but decided not to because the guy I had met was continue to pursue me (long, intense emails declaring love). I knew if I went back I'd have gone back to him and felt at the time that I needed to avoid that and move on. So yeah, never went back to that camp.
It's shut down now, or I'd have tried to get back a couple years ago.
I also fell pregnant with him, ended up having an abortion because of the distance, how he was, how young I was and how I felt at the time. That is 100% the biggest regret of my life.
I'm now in the happiest relationship but unfortunately have been unable to fall pregnant and doing IVF. I will always feel this is my karma for the abortion.

cheshirecat777 · 28/03/2021 10:02

i have all of these regrets😄 x its so hard isnt it - yet there are also people on here who were able to buy a property in their early twenties that doubled in value then married at 27 blah blah and its all been wonderful for them.

Many of the regrets expressed here i actively tell my children not to do - so i suppose at least thats something

Notanotherhun · 28/03/2021 10:10

Having a child.

CaesarsDream · 28/03/2021 10:15

Not going to university, despite having excellent grades and an above average IQ.

I'm now being bossed about by kids without GCSES. Extensive and varied life experience counts for nought.

EnjoyingTheSilence · 28/03/2021 10:17

Not exercising when I was younger.

Spending too much money on nothing.

Not getting braces

Angrymum22 · 28/03/2021 10:25

No regrets. If I’d done anything differently I wouldn’t have the life I have today. We are comfortably well off, DH has retired early, I work part time (by choice) and we enjoy life. Any regrets are for things that I had no control over. It would have been good for my parents to have been grandparents. Another child would have been nice but it was not within my control so not a regret.
I think that you regret plenty when you are younger but as you mature you realise that even the smallest change would have resulted in a very different life lived.

Upwardtrajectory · 28/03/2021 10:26

Wasting money on nothing.

Not pushing myself to do more - I always took the easy option to avoid failing. I often wonder what I could have achieved if I'd just pushed myself out of my comfort zone a bit.

Staying on in my university city after graduating - kind of relates to the above really. Just wasn't brave enough to pack up and take a chance somewhere new.

user1487194234 · 28/03/2021 10:28

@willithappen

My biggest regret is being so focussed on boyfriends from a teenage age. To the point I lost out on good opportunities. I'm 28 now, I know I still have time ahead of me but yeah. I went to the university nearest me so I could stay home and be with me boyfriend at the time (who of course was cheating on me the whole time). Got accepted to all my choices and realistically would have moved to Edinburgh and went to halls if boyfriend wasn't in the picture.

Went to work at a summer camp in America shortly after, best experience of my life, but of course I got involved with someone over there too. Most intense summer romance, love at first sight type pthing. Turns out he wasn't the best either (I have a whooole story on this). I was meant to go back to camp the following year but decided not to because the guy I had met was continue to pursue me (long, intense emails declaring love). I knew if I went back I'd have gone back to him and felt at the time that I needed to avoid that and move on. So yeah, never went back to that camp.
It's shut down now, or I'd have tried to get back a couple years ago.
I also fell pregnant with him, ended up having an abortion because of the distance, how he was, how young I was and how I felt at the time. That is 100% the biggest regret of my life.
I'm now in the happiest relationship but unfortunately have been unable to fall pregnant and doing IVF. I will always feel this is my karma for the abortion.

Honestly is not karma Take care
Forwhatitsworth101 · 28/03/2021 10:36

@willithappen

Definitely not karma, I know of women who had abortions when younger go on to have children, more than one too. Please take care Flowers

ZombeaArthur · 28/03/2021 10:37

I was too careless with money, just frittered it away on absolutely nothing. I didn’t get myself into debt thankfully but I had absolutely nothing to show for years of work. I’d actually be Ok if I’d traveled or at least had an amazing few years, but I just spent it all gradually on nothing.

I wish I’d learned to drive. The older I get, the more I realise just how much freedom I’ve missed out on. My mother’s attitude was always that driving was hard and that I shouldn’t bother. Now I realise that perhaps it was an unconscious attempt to prevent me from leaving her.

I spent years in an unhappy relationship and sometimes wish I’d left when I first realised something was really wrong, however I met my husband shortly after ending that relationship, so it’s something I don’t really regret.

covetingthepreciousthings · 28/03/2021 10:41

Not passing my driving test.

Spending too much of my earnings when I started working, instead of thinking ahead to save some..

I also wish that I had recordings of my grandparent who died, I don't really even have many pictures. It would be nice to see a video of them again.

Whatsthatohno · 28/03/2021 10:49

Naively believing my parents, or at least thatmother knew best and that I wasn't the daughter with the brains; I just needed to wait for a Prince to arrive and I'd be sorted for life, no need to bother with trying too hard with my education. Unsurprisingly, I've been stuck in non progressive jobs since leaving school, but as I married young I've never been able to afford to re train. This might change soon though.

Marrying young.

Buying a flat rather than hanging on a few more months and having a deposit for a house in the same area. Some of the properties have literally doubled in price, the flat has risen but not in the same way. Sold it twice, still hanging around our necks (although Covid has had a hand here).

Trusting my youngest brother, I won't be speaking to him again.

Credit cards - lots of debt and nothing to show for it.

Really, there are quite a few things I regret. I hope I do look back when I'm older and appreciate the life I've lived, but it certainly doesn't feel as though I will.

Bargebill19 · 28/03/2021 10:50

I regret leaving a part time job I loved for full time promotion. The job wasn’t as advertised and I cried everyday until I resigned. Still
miss that part time job.

NameChangedForThisFeb21 · 28/03/2021 10:55

I’m childless. I regret not making more of an effort with dating/not dumping the fertility waster I was with earlier, in my late 20s/early 30s. I also regret doing an Arts based degree and think I’d have had a better life than I have coasting through various arts and entertainment based jobs. A stable “normal”
career plus the Arts as a hobby living in a picturesque town with 3 kids and a dog would have been my choice now.

Griselda1 · 28/03/2021 10:59

Leaving a long term financially sound boyfriend for a whirlwind romance with a man who soon became bankrupt and who I financially supported for years.

Stillfunny · 28/03/2021 11:00

I wish I had achieved more with my life. Didn't go to uni as did not realise that it was an option for me. Just wanted a job.

Marrying my husband . And not leaving him when I had the chance .

Dee96 · 28/03/2021 11:02

Having an abortion
Staying with people I didnt even like and letting them damage my mental health