To ask what your biggest regret in life is?

[SylviaPlath1984]

Or even what you feel you might regret in the future if you don't do it soon?

I regret not taking school more seriously or trying harder, not making more of myself.

What about you?

I wasted so much time hating myself and feeling terribly anxious about what people thought about me. It really got in the way of me really enjoying my life for such a long time in my teens and 20s and led to me making some silly decisions around men, all from a position of insecurity. I wish I could go back in time and inhabit my 20-something body with my 40-something mind and self-confidence!.. I also frittered away a lot of money and wish I had saved for a deposit earlier.

Wasting so much time hating myself and beating myself up mentally, I could’ve achieved so much more if I thought I was worthy of the effort.

Plus I wish I’d slept with more people and tried some of the more fun drugs

Not going to Uni or travelling. I was ‘gifted’ as a small child, and just gave up around age 13/14. It annoys me now. I blamed my parents for a long time for putting ‘pressure’ on me, but they didn’t at all. It was my own fault for not having the confidence to go for things. I also stayed local and didn’t go to Uni later for the sake of my relationship. We’ve been together 14 years and had a wonderful time together and two kids, so I don’t regret choosing him. But I wish I’d realised more about money back then, and understood my earning potential.

I’m 32 and want to go back to education now, but I do feel annoyed that I could’ve been working up the ladder for years before.

Staying with someone because it was easy, even though I knew I wasn't happy.

Not having babies earlier. Left it until post 40 to follow my 'career'.

Since having DD realised kids are great and the 'career' didn't matter but all a bit too late for another.
Still I thank my lucky stars for what I've got - she's amazing!

I sort of wish I'd found my husband a tiny bit later.

We got together immediately at university and we both planned to have a bit more fun, but were both REALLY into each other. That's lovely, but I think we pulled focus from other parts of our lives, like building more friendships, effort into degree etc.

We're still together fourteen years later, the oldest couple in all friend groups, but our lives basically divide into two parts: home and family, together since then. We were crazy about each other - still are. But that excludes so much.

Spending so much money on horses. I had horses from a kid but had to pay for them myself from 18 until 35 when I gave them up. I enjoyed a lot of it but I'd be mortgage free now if I hadnt had them.

Not leaving my husband when we found out he was infertile and wouldnt seek ivf. I should have used donor sperm and told him stay or go. I have 2 wonderful kids now using husbands sperm. but I'm an older mum and I hate that. Having kids 5 years earlier would have made such a difference. And were now divorcing anyway.

@thecatsthecats I feel exactly the same as you about my marriage. I wish I’d found him later.

I wish i'd have gone to uni straight after A levels, instead I wanted money so started working for the same small company I work at now. The money is great and I have flexibility and responsibility but I feel like i'm stuck and my boss is more like a very domineering friend. I'd have maybe liked to have had some other career opportunities and a chance of progression. I know now id have done well but lack of confidence and self belief back then stopped me. In hindsight I shouldn't have stayed in the job i'm in this long, it's now almost impossible to leave.

I've been with DH since my mid teens, don't regret that for a moment but we do regret staying local to where we lived. Would love to move away from our city but we are now tied down with DMs who sadly now both live alone. My wish is for both DCs to go away to Uni and set up life somewhere else and we will do all we can to encourage/help them if that's what they want to do.

My last one can't be helped, my DF never met my DCs. I fell pregnant a year after his death. I wouldn't have wanted children any younger but it breaks my heart they never met, he would have been the best DGF.

Same as you OP. I'm a capable person and did okay at school but could've done much better if I'd put the effort in.

I'm not so bothered that I didn't get a degree, but I wish I'd tried to establish a real career instead of just settling for a job that paid a reasonable hourly rate. I got married young and had dc straight away, nobody in my family had ever done any different, so I just worked p/t and brought the kids up single handedly whilst DH established his career.

Controversial i know, but had i known my last child was going to be severely disabled and never be independent id never have had him.taking care of him has ruined me mentally and physically, my husband and i will always have to care for his needs 24/7 till we die,i could never put him in care services. Life is so very tough,every day.

Not having another baby (or at least trying).

I think about it at least 10x. Literally. Every. Single. Day.

I hope one day the regret will stop 😔

I regret having a really intense relationship when I was 16-19. It was so all consuming and silly, we literally based our life plans on each other. I regret it sooo much! I’m so glad it ended though, my life would have been totally different.

I regret not having more confidence when I was a teenager - it was painful. My self esteem has always been so low and it’s slowly getting better now.

I regret spending a lot of money on crap (clothes, make up, perfume )

I regret not choosing a better uni and picking the right course first time around, now I’m in 4 years of ridiculous debt rather than 3 for a uni I didn’t really like.

Feels good to get that out!

Probably not taking a year off before uni and maybe spending part of that in Israel. I was just so eager to get on with life.

Or maybe not trying to join the uni newspaper or thinking about career afterwards until quite late as it took me ages to get my first job even though I had a really good degree.

Taking drugs. I took some big hitter ones to self medicate trauma. It screwed my physical and mental health. Sober now (inc alcohol) but wish I had realised earlier that self destruction was not the way. I literally cringe now at the dangerous situations and people I was involved in.

I wish I hadn’t allowed myself to put on so much weight in my late teens/early 20’s. Now I am obese and it’s a constant battle just to keep myself at the weight I am let alone lose any.

Not having confidence in myself when I was younger.

I have, unexpectedly, managed to get into an extremely niche and very desirable career. But I’m older than a lot of people in it. They have ten years more experience than me. This makes me feel like I’m playing catch up, and am panicking slightly.

At the same time though, it didn’t even occur to me that there was even a possibility I could do this when I was younger.

I don't really have any. I have things I would do differently if I had my time over but I can't say I really regret anything because its brought me to where I am.

I was really ill a few years ago and actually didn't think I would come out of hospital and in those moments the only thing I cared about was DDs. I was devastated for myself that I wouldn't get to see them grow up and become women. I am forever grateful that I will and I think my mindset changed from that point on.

to you all who are struggling.

Well I'm happy where I am now but...

Getting into debt
Drinking too much
Not going away to university
Not having another baby
Telling DS1 we could get a dog

Not having the confidence to pursue a career in nursing/OT.

Getting treatment for my anxiety.

Trusting exDH, and marrying him. He's manipulated me the whole time.

Being 'nice' to the countless sleazy asshole men I've encountered rather than telling them to fuck off.

So many I could write a book! One example I had a real talent for Art when I was at school and longed to go to Art College. Instead I left school at 16 and got a dead end job. I was just so tired of living in poverty. I did start studying again and eventually went into teaching and always did my absolute best for the children I taught. So I don’t regret that. I was a single parent and my son grew up to be a really decent man so I am happy about that. Everything else in my life I regret really.

Not getting braces in my 20s or 30s.

Not having psychotherapy after I was dumped horribly (with a character assassination) just before my 30th. Instead, I ended up with a man who treated me like the worthless person I believed I was. And had DC.

So, really wish I'd had therapy instead of losing weight and going blonde :-/

Getting a credit card at 18, blowing it all. Getting a loan to pay of credit card, blowing all the credit card again. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. I'm 38 now and FINALLY clear of it. Nothing to show for it. Could have used all that money spent on repayment for a house deposit and got on the ladder. Biggest single regret ever.

Not believing in myself enough, not seeing what a despicable person my ex husband was sooner, going completely off the rails for a year or two when i did finally realise what he was.