If my cat had AIBU...

[Greenandcabbagelooking]

AIBU to think that three pouches of wet food, two meals of dry food, some treats and unlimited fresh water just isn’t sufficient to sustain a cat? I’m so starved, I had to tell all the children on my human’s zoom lesson about it in the hope they’d feed me. They didn’t, and human shut me out the office, so I only had the whole rest of the house to run around.

How do I call cat line?

I kmow I am not being unreasonable here. My human wakes up every morning whilst it's still dark and then moves me so she can get out of my bed! I mean seriously. At weekends she stays in it a bit later but even then those loud small things wake her up

And to think she has the nerve to tell me off for pooping in the bath. I mean honestly.

Sidecat can't you get behind the curtains? Me n my bruv can although sometimes they do fall off Oops 😹

Sidecat I nearly fell into the loo last week. My stupid human left the lid up when I jumped on it shouting for dreamies...
Silly woman.

You need to go out and get food from other houses like me. It works if you manage to get your collar off

Aibu to wake my hoomans up at 5.30 every morning for intense love, purring and biscuit making? Yet when they wake up a few hours later they don't respect my earlier gift and have the audacity to open the curtains! How am I supposed to snooze in their bed all day with light in the room?

#idiotcat ....AIBU to disbelieve her when she shouts from the bedroom "bugger off downstairs, there's no one here!!" when I sing the song of my people on the top landing in the dead of night?

I only want to sleep on the bed to make the dog jealous, and maybe to jump onto her dressing table to knock things off, and then rake at the curtains to watch out the window, and then make interesting conversations with the birdies. And then jump back into the room, and then rake the chaise, and jump back on the bed, and get under the covers and then get out again cos it's too warm
Its not much to ask is it really?

#queenofallcats
AIBU to kiss the dog one minute and then beat sevenshadesofshite out of him the very next moment if he even dares to look at me?
What is wrong with me trying to keep my claws in order by raking up the stair carpets?
And why do I get the blame for my brothers obesity when I demand more food RIGHT NOW, and then leave it to chambré ** and to be horrified when I return and he has eaten it

**repeat up to four times a day or as required for badness.

My predecessor (RIP) was know to jump over the fence and visit "Aunty Tracy Next Door" and bring back a whole pack of ham in her teeth, then carefully lick each slice and savour it...AIBU for being envious of her? I don't have an Aunty Tracy Next Door.

@PussyCatInChristmasStockings

Sidecat can't you get behind the curtains? Me n my bruv can although sometimes they do fall off Oops 😹

No because my awful human has moved the table from being under the window so I have to try and reach up. I am far too much of a princess for this shit

No because my awful human has moved the table from being under the window so I have to try and reach up. I am far too much of a princess for this shit

Hmmm, that's a pity (and a PITA) my dimwit human bought an ottoman thing, then put it under the window...I uses it as a big bouncy thing to spring into the window where I shred the window seals and the stupid lacy curtains
😉😹

My human is waiting for the glass to fall out of the window [massivecheshirecatgrinemoji]

AIBU that me and my sister want to run up the walls and doors and scratch everything except the scratching post . I think not.

AIBU to feign near-death until my humans buy in a special diet, then go and eat the dog food instead?

AIBU I probably have been fed but IVE FORGOTTEN okay. So what if I complain for several hours to every member of the house. The food might even be in my bowl, again, IVE FORGOTTEN. So I need someone to come and show me, seems reasonable.
Sometimes (many times a day) I want the bathroom tap on to check it’s working okay. Occasionally I have a drink. I’m basically a plumber, you should be grateful.

Why doesn't the hairy hooman appreciate me singing along when he plays guitar? I've got a great voice!

Of course I'm not being unreasonable. So what if I live next door? Just let me in you miserable bastards.

Aibu. I hate all dogs. Can’t stand them. Don’t like the way they smell or behave - so uncouth. Then the noise they make. And they are really untidy and Ill-disciplined. I don’t care what anyone thinks of this. I am right.
My human sometimes tells me I should be more ‘inclusive’ and that my views are not acceptable.
Surely I’m not being unreasonable.
Replies only from those who agree with me please. No dog replies please.

Of course I'm not being unreasonable. So what if I'm not your cat? Your car is clearly here for my benefit.

AIBU to remove my wet food from my bowl and transfer it to the kitchen floor to either eat or abandon for the human to clear up?

Another TC, Grumpy???

Aibu to sleep in a puppy sized bed, eat and drink from puppy sized bowls, prefer to eat Hooman food than my own and paw my humans backside when she's making Hooman food ( because I want some!)

AIBU to meow like a nob at the back door to be let out then run straight round the front to be let back in again?

Oh and my owners are bvvu putting a tracker on me just because I got lost twice and went to go live in a skip behind the fish shop 2 miles away ( twice ). And THEN have the audacity to put me in a box/ cage and take me to the person who prods and pokes me! ( I hate that place )

Oh and apparently it's ME who is BU when they open the door to let me in and then I walk away ( also getting annoyed by me walking to the door, them opening it and me walking back to my bed). CAN'T A CAT LOOK OUT THE WINDOW FFS

(My hooman can't leave the door open because of the dogs)

Depending on the size of the dogs hoomin may want to fit a baby gate - great fun for you as you can scratch / bite doggos in safety.

AIBU to think my slave is incredibly stupid? No I do not know what time it is. I’m a cat I can’t tell time & I don’t actually care. I’m awake & hungry/playful/just want you to bask in my gloriousness.

During the day when I notice you have a bit of quiet downtime or not that busy I helpfully go to sleep in your wardrobe where all the dark coloured jumpers are stored. You say you have time to play with me now? - no no it’s fine, have some you time. I prefer to screech & demand playing when you’re very busy or in zoom meetings. You claim to be excellent at multi-tasking!

AIBU to wake the cuddly women up at 4am by tapping her face then having to remind her with another tap that I want to be stroked by two hands not one

apparently I was as she moaned to the other one she calls baby in the house (he isn’t as cute and I have been around longer)