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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Verbally attacked for not wearing a mask

977 replies

8catsaremycoven · 21/10/2020 20:24

Wow, had a great experience in Lidl today - I was verbally abused and intimidated by a bloke in his 40s for not wearing a mask.

I'm minding my own business, choosing some fruit for DHS when random angry bloke walks past and hisses "You should be wearing a mask ". He doesn't stop and ask me directly why I'm not wearing a mask, just walks past me and says it in an undertone.

I catch up with him because he's browsing and tell him I'm exempt because I'm asthmatic. Apparently anyone can claim to be exempt and it's my personal fault that people are dying?! I told him that I wished that I was able to wear a mask to protect myself if nothing else, he just carried on ranting at me. No security guards in the store, other shoppers just stood and watched. I ended up crying in frustration and walking away.

I can't wear a mask because of my asthma but I also suffer from PTSD because an XH put a pillow over my face and raped me.

Am I expected to explain everything to anyone?

YABU - get over everything, risk a major asthma attack and wear a mask

YANBU - asthma is enough to excuse me from wearing a mask let alone my other reasons, which I don't feel I should have to explain to anyone

Bring it on, I'm sure someone is going to roast me but I truly hope that you're going to be behind me.

I left the shop shaking and in tears

OP posts:

Thread gallery

PurpleDaisies · 21/10/2020 20:56

@TheAugury

I'm asthmatic and wear a mask yabu

Were you also suffocated by your ex causing PTSD? Not all asthmatics suffer in the same way.

YANBU at all OP.

Eckhart · 21/10/2020 20:57

Am I expected to explain everything to anyone

Nobody asked you to explain anything. You chose to approach someone who was clearly already being unreasonable.

There will always be people like this. Just walk on by.

As a side note, I suppose he thought that ranting at a stranger was a good way to avoid transmitting the virus...

MorganKitten · 21/10/2020 20:57

Why did you follow him to argue?

GlendaSugarbeanIsJudgingYou · 21/10/2020 20:57

@pinkbalconyrailing

yabu most asthmatic people are fine wearing a mask. tbh I find it ok for people to politely remark if someone is not wearing a mask.

Polite people shut the fuck up about these things.

Keep your remarks to yourself.

LostIntrovert · 21/10/2020 20:58

@pinkbalconyrailing

yabu most asthmatic people are fine wearing a mask. tbh I find it ok for people to politely remark if someone is not wearing a mask.

But if only most asthmatic people can wear them, then OP isn't BU.

Given the trauma she mentioned on top of this she is definitely not BU.

As for the comments, when will people learn that they aren't entitled to details about other folks health and just keep their thoughts to themselves? Between them, the mask commentators and the nosy neighbours are making this pandemic far more unpleasant than it needs to be.

HamishDent · 21/10/2020 20:58

He was being an arse and YANBU to not wear a mask.

Feelings are running very high at the moment and unfortunately anyone not wearing a mask is an easy target for people’s frustration. People are losing jobs, businesses, homes, as well as facing some horrendous situations dealing with ill or dying family members. We simply can’t know everyone personal circumstances.

Cannotcope4223 · 21/10/2020 20:58

Bloody good for you OP - well done for not taking any shit off that ignoramus. I’m also asthmatic and just cannot bear to wear a mask. I do have them and do try but - literally - find it hard enough to breathe even without a stretch of cotton covering my gob. I have yet to have anything said to me but I’ll damn well let RIP if someone ever does.

Fucking mask police... not everyone is able and people should mind their own damn business.

Purpledaisychain · 21/10/2020 21:00

@TheAugury

You have no right to tell someone from PTSD what triggers them and what doesn't. To say that the OP is using it as an excuse is despicable.

islockdownoveryet · 21/10/2020 21:00

Argh the whole mask debate drives me mental .
If people actually kept distance as well cases would be a lot less it's not just a mask that we need to do .
I bet this guy came less than 2 metres of you , you should of said something about that .
And to pass to another comment yes politely asking someone why they are not wearing a mask is fine but to come up to someone in a demeaning manor and even when the op explains is exempt he dismisses like some sort of covid expert that is not ok .
The majority of people are doing their best I actually think it's wrong that people feel the need to go about making others feel like shit . In all honesty it will get worse try and grow a thicker skin and ignore .

PurpleDaisies · 21/10/2020 21:03

You have ptsd which is an exception if you have tried different coverings and all resulted in symptoms

Since when is this the criteria for someone bring exempt?

Nowstrong · 21/10/2020 21:05

Here, not the UK, you would simply be fined. Mask or not go out shopping. If you have a medical condition it is not really safe to go out not wearing one (here). My very healthy, young adult, daughter has just got over COVID. I wouldn't like to catch it if I had an underlying medical conditions Stay safe.

user1493494961 · 21/10/2020 21:05

I think you've posted about your problems before.

Riv12345 · 21/10/2020 21:05

Hi op so sorry you was spoken to that way that is out of order!

I'm asthmatic too and have to wear masks at work.
But personally I find them ok

But I also know people who can't stand them.

Try a shield see how that goes.
Just need to keep yourself safe
But I totally understand where you are coming from
Sometimes they can be very claustrophobic
All the best and keep safe.

Cloverglens · 21/10/2020 21:05

Try a visor 🙂

m0therofdragons · 21/10/2020 21:05

Masks do not cause asthma attacks. A small number of people with severe asthma (the kind who are on oxygen) may struggle but 90% of asthmatics are fine. If you’re not then wear a visor.

I say this as someone who has asthma and was raped by a friend of a friend. I also work in a hospital and see the impact of covid. You not wearing one may well be the right thing for you but there’s no getting away from the fact that you are risking being the reason someone else gets it.

Do I think they have the right to confront you? No, but you not wearing a mask impacts on others and you need to be more understanding of that.

maddening · 21/10/2020 21:06

Get a visor if you can't wear a mask Imo.

Adoremygirls319 · 21/10/2020 21:07

He's a complete twat. Hope you have a better day tomorrow

Nowstrong · 21/10/2020 21:07

Whoops! ... medical condition. Stay safe.

BlueThistles · 21/10/2020 21:08

This is a problem of the government's doing. It should be black and white - all must wear them, no exemptions. OR nobody has to wear them

This with great bloomin bells on.

itsgoodtobehome · 21/10/2020 21:09

Fair enough that you are exempt. But if you are high risk as you say, why would you even want to go out without a mask? I would imagine that catching Covid when you have such bad asthma is really not a risk worth taking. Stay out of the shops and organise some home deliveries would be my advice.

Chloemol · 21/10/2020 21:09

If you think you can’t then that’s up to you, have you tried? Even a few minutes at a time to build it up? It’s been proved that the blue masks don’t affect oxygen intake

You are wearing a mask to protect others, so it was stupid to go after him and start a discussion. If you really feel you can’t then ok, but just don’t engage

PurpleDaisies · 21/10/2020 21:09

@BlueThistles

This is a problem of the government's doing. It should be black and white - all must wear them, no exemptions. OR nobody has to wear them

This with great bloomin bells on.

What about people who cannot wear masks? There are genuine medical exceptions.

NeverAMillionMilesAway · 21/10/2020 21:11

@TheAugury

I'm asthmatic and wear a mask yabu

I am asthmatic and I wear a mask. It makes me feel claustrophobic and breathless. I can cope with that, some can't.

Givemeabreak88 · 21/10/2020 21:12

I got the same thing on the bus but worse as I was with my kids. I got on the bus and sat down, a few stops later a man got on and sat across from me and berated me for the whole journey for not wearing a mask, I told him to leave me alone but he wouldn’t stop and kept harassing me saying I should be wearing a mask, I told him I was exempt and he didn’t care, the worst part was there was two men on the bus not wearing a mask but he only started on me, the woman alone with kids. I pointed out the men in the masks and he said he started on me because “I have kids” my children were scared and he still didn’t stop.

Fruitsaladjelly · 21/10/2020 21:13

People are knobs, try not to let it effect you but I know it’s hard. You don’t have to explain, why you aren’t wearing a mask is between you and your doctor.

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