Verbally attacked for not wearing a mask

[8catsaremycoven]

Wow, had a great experience in Lidl today - I was verbally abused and intimidated by a bloke in his 40s for not wearing a mask.

I'm minding my own business, choosing some fruit for DHS when random angry bloke walks past and hisses "You should be wearing a mask ". He doesn't stop and ask me directly why I'm not wearing a mask, just walks past me and says it in an undertone.

I catch up with him because he's browsing and tell him I'm exempt because I'm asthmatic. Apparently anyone can claim to be exempt and it's my personal fault that people are dying?! I told him that I wished that I was able to wear a mask to protect myself if nothing else, he just carried on ranting at me. No security guards in the store, other shoppers just stood and watched. I ended up crying in frustration and walking away.

I can't wear a mask because of my asthma but I also suffer from PTSD because an XH put a pillow over my face and raped me.

Am I expected to explain everything to anyone?

YABU - get over everything, risk a major asthma attack and wear a mask

YANBU - asthma is enough to excuse me from wearing a mask let alone my other reasons, which I don't feel I should have to explain to anyone

Bring it on, I'm sure someone is going to roast me but I truly hope that you're going to be behind me.

I left the shop shaking and in tears

If someone has lost someone to a non Covid illness due to treatment being delayed due to lockdown i cant see them being terribly empathic to the idea of more lockdowns.

Cuts both ways!

I can't wear a mask as I am autistic with extreme sensory issues which mean I can't wear anything that covers my face or touches the back of my head. Yes, I am also that person who walks around in winter with a face blue with cold cuz I can't wear a scarf above my neck. I wear a lanyard and a badge, I sanitise my hands all the time (and did so before covid due to my obsession with being clean) and I social distance. However, I am also a mouthy bitch at times and if anyone has a go at me, I have a go back. Yes, wearing a mask is what people need to do but there are people who genuinely can't, so some people need to concentrate on minding their own business.

@windturbines

Eckhart, you aren't looking at it from the other side. If someone has lost someone due to Covid, I can't see them being terribly empathic if someone isn't wearing a mask

I understand you aren't wearing one and you're fighting your corner

I have no medical conditions and lost my uncle in June to COVID. I wear a mask when I go shopping. Looking at the other side and being empathic is precisely what I'm being. You are trying to persuade me to judge others, who are less fortunate, negatively, and that it's ok to openly criticize them. Empathy is not coming through as your strong point.

Nobody is answering my query about why it's ok to go shopping at all, given that online slots are now readily available, and that going out amongst strangers, even wearing a mask, increases the risk of transmission.

We are ALL potentially spreading the virus, every time we go outdoors. The only way to remove all risk is to stay in, all the time. So what gives you the right to judge others? Especially when, as proven by your post above, you are quite ready to do so without all the facts? Do you ever go outside amongst people, windturbines? Because by your own standards, you're dangerously increasing the risk of spreading C-19, and deserve to be criticized straight to your face, even by those who are commiting precisely the same crime as you.

[quote Eckhart]@windturbines

Eckhart, you aren't looking at it from the other side. If someone has lost someone due to Covid, I can't see them being terribly empathic if someone isn't wearing a mask

I understand you aren't wearing one and you're fighting your corner

I have no medical conditions and lost my uncle in June to COVID. I wear a mask when I go shopping. Looking at the other side and being empathic is precisely what I'm being. You are trying to persuade me to judge others, who are less fortunate, negatively, and that it's ok to openly criticize them. Empathy is not coming through as your strong point.

Nobody is answering my query about why it's ok to go shopping at all, given that online slots are now readily available, and that going out amongst strangers, even wearing a mask, increases the risk of transmission.

We are ALL potentially spreading the virus, every time we go outdoors. The only way to remove all risk is to stay in, all the time. So what gives you the right to judge others? Especially when, as proven by your post above, you are quite ready to do so without all the facts? Do you ever go outside amongst people, windturbines? Because by your own standards, you're dangerously increasing the risk of spreading C-19, and deserve to be criticized straight to your face, even by those who are commiting precisely the same crime as you.[/quote]
Lidl and Aldi don’t deliver and I’m poor. Slots with Tesco (the only company that deliver here) are. £4.50 and I can’t afford their extra charge for my small basket.

@Frdd

I'm asking the people who go out when they don't have to. There are many, including myself, and including, I suspect, some who are criticising those legally exempt from wearing a mask.

I was answering this point

Nobody is answering my query about why it's ok to go shopping at all, given that online slots are now readily available, and that going out amongst strangers, even wearing a mask, increases the risk of transmission.

@Frdd

I know you were. Online slots are not available for the shopping you need to do, so the question was not directed at you or those in a similar position. It's directed at those who go to the shops when they could order online to minimise their risk of transmitting C-19.

The question is, why aren't they minimising their risk of transmitting it, and, in the case of some on this thread, why do they still feel that it's ok to verbally criticise others who are also not minimising their risk of transmitting it.

@Antst

I can’t wear a mask. I have tubes coming out of my nose. Which hooks over my ear. I have the tubes 24/7. I can’t take them in and out. (Well I can. But it’s quite a nasty procedure)

Sadly. The government have made it law. That I take my children to school. Legally. I have to go outside. Otherwise I will get in trouble with the law

What do you suggest? I wear what I can to cover my nose and mouth. But a mask doesn’t physically fit. My mother bless her. Can see and is trying to help me. But so far. Nothing fits over it.

So? Now what? I either get in trouble with the law. Or I take my children to achool? My tube is also around 1.2 metres long. It clips into a backpack. So I can be fed. I have another one for oxygen. Now what?

Yes a visor would show you are doing something to protect other people.

A call out culture regarding masks and also hidden disabilities generally.

The issue is,. We don't know who is genuine or not and we cannot assume someone is taking exemption. That is the issue

Lemonpizza said this a couple of pages ago and it stuck with me. Since this entire thread is full of wild, unfounded speculation, let me add a little of my own wild, entirely unfounded speculation: that this bloke who PA hissed about mask-wearing in the vicinity of the OP has his own set of hidden disabilities, and is incredibly vulnerable. We don't know if his own hypothetical conditions mean his fight-or-flight responses kicked in. We don't know if he was triggered. Of course, he could just be being PA, or he could be entirely fed up at too many people breaking the rules, but we don't know anything for certain.

Lots of people who are able to wear masks and who have jobs and lives and children to take to school, and shopping to do, are nonetheless having to stay home, because their disabilities or health conditions make them particularly vulnerable to serious complications or death if they catch covid, and there are too many people not wearing masks or observing social distancing.

Just once, I would like to see the posters here who are throwing around insults like "cunts" acknowledge that for every disabled person who is enabled to go outside because of the mask exemption, there will be other disabled people for whom encountering a large number of strangers without masks means they are effectively trapped inside.

As I have said all along, I support the existence of a mask exemption. But I don't for a second believe that every person not wearing a mask has an exemption, and I do have a lot of compassion for people who simply cannot go outside because of those many, many people who are breaking the rules. And because so many disabilities are hidden, the casual bystander does not know who is perfectly legitimately exempt and who is merely being irresponsible and selfish. And because those selfish ones ARE affecting other people's ability to live their lives, it's perfectly reasonable for them to speak out about it. It is very much their business.

@HappydaysArehere a visit does not protect other people. It only protects the wearer and then only effective if worn with a mask. . Therefore it would not show you are doing something to protect others but would just be pointless box ticking.

"it's perfectly reasonable for them to speak out about it. It is very much their business."

If they are speaking to strangers when they don't need to be they are breaking social distancing rules.

There are also some on here who say it is ok to voice their disgust at people without masks when the law says they should be "mindful and respectful" so they are not following the law in that respect either.

And of course those condemning others whilst on other threads saying they themselves are doing things which break guidelines.

I would love to be able to stay home, but unfortunately I'm a key worker. I've worked all through the crisis.

Morning, all.

We've had to delete quite a few posts from this thread now; some for ableism, others for common or garden meanness or personal attacks.

We just wanted to appeal for a bit of peace and love really and remind everyone that while posts in AIBU are by their nature asking for dissenting voices as well as agreement, we think it's possible to disagree in a civil way, particularly when a thread is clearly sensitive, as is the case here.

Thanks

I think there's more than one issue here. OP was within her rights to not wear a mask, and the man was within his rights to be pissed off about it.

Whether it's right to voice to somebody when their behaviour pisses off is another matter, and very nuanced.

I think it's a bit like how it used to be with smoking in restaurants. If you got seated in the non-smoking area, but were right next to the smoking area, some would be quite comfortable to give withering looks and make passive aggressive remarks towards the smokers, and others wouldn't dream of it.

If they are speaking to strangers when they don't need to be they are breaking social distancing rules.

Er, no, Sockwomble, this is nonsense. I've had to ask people on the tube to move away - and then had to move away myself when they refused - because they came and stood over me within a foot or so while not wearing a mask.

I do ask people to put their masks on properly (or at all, if they've got them hanging off a wrist, etc) but generally only because they are already very close to me and I really don't want them to be. I have found quite a corrolation between people who are cavalier about mask-wearing and who are also cavalier about social distancing.

If someone is has come too close to you then of course it is reasonable to tell them to move away but that applies irrespective of mask wearing. Calling out people for not wearing a mask, who are social distancing, isn't. It is an unnecessary social interaction.

It is an unnecessary social interaction.

We will have to disagree. Lots of people are trapped in their homes, unable to shop, work, do all sorts of things, because there are simply too many people who are not wearing masks, and making the environment more unsafe than it need be.

Masks aren't magic, I know that. None of the things we do - social distancing, handwashing, etc - are magic. But when all practiced properly alongside one another they help to lower the risk. And the risk is currently too high for too many people. That's everyone's problem.

@MarriedtoDaveGrohl I did share the delivery slots, but there are no click and collect available either. The nearest store to me, where the c&c is based is outside my county which means I’m not allowed there under welsh government rules. The next nearest (where I actually shop) doesnt do click and collect. No amazon fresh or other supermarkets deliver to my area except Ocado and I’m not a millionaire.

@Happyheartlovelife apologies for the incorrect tag, but as I’m actually well able to go shopping I’ll do so, and leave the very few spaces for those who need them.
My point was simply to show that there ARE shortages of delivery, and if you are exempt from mask wearing you can’t always just stay in hour house to appease other people.

@BlueThistles

The law is clear that those who are exempt do not have to explain themselves or wear a lanyard if they choose not to. Nobody has a right to challenge them, regardless of how they feel about it or their personal issues

this was my original point y'see... why bother with Masks at all..

so despite the reasons... why is it okay for a huge portion of society to not wear them, when the other equally huge portion of society being forced to wear them? why is one Safer than the other in the race to stop the spread ? it's makes no sense ... it's a mess.. the whole situ is chaos 🌺

Saying that people who are exempt shouldn't be harrassed about why they do not wear one is not remotely the same as "why bother with masks at all?" 🙄

*Two year olds are made of stronger stuff than your average British adult
*
This is SO offensive it's shocking.

Firstly you should notice that the US is one of the only countries on Earth that's managed to make more if a mess of containng Covid than the UK.

Secondly, it isn't safe for two year olds to have their faces covered.

Thirdly, we are humane and recognise that some people cannot breathe properly or are traumatised by wearing masks, because of asthma, sensory issues, PTSD etc.

You should be ashamed of the US not trying to shame the UK for one of the only decent things it's done to protect disabled people in recent years.

Majority of people with asthma can wear masks, it's a medical fact. It's only some that can't and we can't say who those people are by merely walking past them nor should be attempting to do so nor stopping individuals as they go about their business.

But those attending hospital clinics for Severe asthma (3.6% of asthma sufferers) or severe COPD are from visual at least 80% wearing masks whilst attending hospital. More of patients on oxygen are often isolating at home anyway not going out even in shielding pause.

Asthmatics should be wearing masks if they can . I am 🙄 at the perfectly fit healthy teenagers or people who have mild asthma saying they can't wear a thin paper mask purely due to their asthma when out. Something they don't do at their GP surgery or in hospital. To be legally exempt the criteria is you cannot wear a mask not because it is uncomfortable. As other HCPs have said before...

But we can't make assumptions on individuals at all. What can be said is a general comment that too many people are claiming exemption to mask wearing than would be medically anticipated and too many people are not social distancing when out or fiddling with their masks/ not wearing them properly! In U.K. no one can demand to know details of someone's exemption. We are heading into another national lockdown partly as a result of poor Covidsafe compliance.

I won't know why MNers and general people don't listen to HCPs that try to keep it real.

BBC news report from U.K. pm tonight (Boris, PM) ...

He said hospitals even in the south-west of England, where cases are among the lowest, will run out of capacity in weeks.
* Doctors and nurses would be forced to choose which patients to treat, who would get oxygen and who wouldn't, who would live and who would die," Mr Johnson said.*

It's an understatement

We hcps don't do any of the "please wear a mask and social distance " and be COVIDsafe, for fun

Oooooo. Just to mention.., in response to your (quote)

Thirdly, we are humane and recognise that some people cannot breathe properly or are traumatised by wearing masks, because of asthma, sensory issues, PTSD etc.

People breathe even less well with COVID
And some die

So, people should wear masks unless they have genuine absolute inability not to,

We have asked everyone to wear masks and social distance and too many people have chosen not to listen how serious it could be, if spread further

I am 🙄🥺 at how little you value us HCPS and our expertise until you absolutely need us for you or your loved ones and we risk our lives every day mopping up whilst people don't social distance, have silly risk arguments in shops, or find loopholes to genuine Covidsafe precautions that were put in place for you!!