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AIBU?

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Original poster

Verbally attacked for not wearing a mask

977 replies

8catsaremycoven · 21/10/2020 20:24

Wow, had a great experience in Lidl today - I was verbally abused and intimidated by a bloke in his 40s for not wearing a mask.

I'm minding my own business, choosing some fruit for DHS when random angry bloke walks past and hisses "You should be wearing a mask ". He doesn't stop and ask me directly why I'm not wearing a mask, just walks past me and says it in an undertone.

I catch up with him because he's browsing and tell him I'm exempt because I'm asthmatic. Apparently anyone can claim to be exempt and it's my personal fault that people are dying?! I told him that I wished that I was able to wear a mask to protect myself if nothing else, he just carried on ranting at me. No security guards in the store, other shoppers just stood and watched. I ended up crying in frustration and walking away.

I can't wear a mask because of my asthma but I also suffer from PTSD because an XH put a pillow over my face and raped me.

Am I expected to explain everything to anyone?

YABU - get over everything, risk a major asthma attack and wear a mask

YANBU - asthma is enough to excuse me from wearing a mask let alone my other reasons, which I don't feel I should have to explain to anyone

Bring it on, I'm sure someone is going to roast me but I truly hope that you're going to be behind me.

I left the shop shaking and in tears

OP posts:
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MrsTerryPratchett · 21/10/2020 20:39

This reply has been deleted

Post references deleted post Talk Guidelines.

onlyk · 21/10/2020 20:40

He wasn’t ranting at you until you caught up with him and confronted him over a comment he made in an undertone.

You have a reason not to wear a mask however if you can’t cope with someone ranting at you don’t go round confronting people walk away.

yourestandingonmyneck · 21/10/2020 20:40

@justanotherneighinparadise

Visor? Scarf up over your mouth. Just look like you e made some sort of effort and most people will leave you alone.
I agree with this.

Also the point about the person complaining about someone not wearing a mask may have lost someone to covid. It really does work both ways.

I also wouldn't have caught up with him and spoken to him. If someone is annoyed about you not wearing a mask, I doubt they will want you catching them up to speak to them.

Ginfordinner · 21/10/2020 20:40

If I saw someone not wearing a mask I would just assume it is because they can't. I wouldn't assume they were being an arsehole.

However, if I saw somwone wearing one on their chin or only over their mouth I would assume that they had the intelligence of an amoeba.

I still wouldn't challenge the because I'm not the mask police, but I would keep my distance.

JacobReesMogadishu · 21/10/2020 20:40

He shouldn’t have said what he did. Perhaps wearing a visor might be a good compromise and prevent this happening again? If it doesn’t trigger your ptsd that is. Otherwise get a lanyard.

Coolieloach · 21/10/2020 20:41

It’s perfectly reasonable to wonder why people are not wearing a mask given our current climate. Although clearly this man could have been a bit more polite. Presumably you were wearing your lanyard to explain? Why don’t you just order online?

magicstar1 · 21/10/2020 20:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Meatshake · 21/10/2020 20:41

The only thing you needed to say to the man who walked past muttering poison was "go fuck yourself"

Mayra1367 · 21/10/2020 20:43

Could you wear a shield instead ?

Changethetoner · 21/10/2020 20:43

It's not safe for you to be out shopping without a face covering - you should get someone to shop for you, or get online deliveries.

nitsandwormsdodger · 21/10/2020 20:43

TheAugury sweet Jesus your post gives me chills please please reassure me you don't have any sort of caring role in your life or responsibilities over anyone as I wouldn't want you anywhere meet a vulnerable person , I want to report you for utter heartlessness and a soul devoid of empathy

NoAngel1 · 21/10/2020 20:43

[quote magicstar1]@MandosHatHair I wouldn’t be so sure. A friend of mine was hassled by a guy yesterday for not wearing a mask. He has tried, but he has an internal defibrillator which shocks him if his oxygen drops at all. He ended up punching the guy out as he wouldn’t leave him alone.[/quote]
But oxygen doesn’t drop when you’re wearing a mask. Worried about HCPs doing surgery if this is true..

paperandfireworks · 21/10/2020 20:44

Was it Stephen Nolan?

Elsiebear90 · 21/10/2020 20:45

@magicstar1 defibrillators don’t work like that...

islockdownoveryet · 21/10/2020 20:47

Honestly if he's the sort to come up and pass comment not ask he's not going to care that you have a reason.
Did you honestly expect him to go oh sorry I didn't realise ?.
But would I do the same as you most probably my ds is exempt so I can understand that your upset .
I actually think the world has gone mad and I would try and not let it ruin you day .

toxtethOgradyUSA · 21/10/2020 20:48

This is a problem of the government's doing. It should be black and white - all must wear them, no exemptions. OR nobody has to wear them. This confusing middle ground creates a fertile ground for these kind of confrontations. I've seen countless arguments in the local supermarket on this issue, including people almost coming to blows. Tensions are so high at the moment, it is inevitable.

Nonurbuisness · 21/10/2020 20:48

Op i think people are so disgustingly behaved in this day and age that they think they have the right to ask why you can't wear a mask it has nothing to do with them the amount of dirty look hisses and one old lady audibly gasp and point at me because of no mask ( I have and wear a lanyard) people who act like that are vile as far as I'm concerned and I am beginning to get very fed up with them and no can no longer hold my tongue so understand why you went after him (good on you for sticking up for yourself) x

Thebig3 · 21/10/2020 20:48

I have severe asthma and I struggle to wear a mask. I can't stand it when people pull out the "I have asthma and I wear a mask". Asthma is not one size fits all, it is different for every single person that has it. So that argument is stupid!

However, having said that I think you should have just left it and not said anything. I also think you should try to do online shopping if you really can't wear a mask. I do as much as I possibly can online now to avoid places I have to wear a mask. Its also worth getting a sunflower lanyard and wearing that as its very recognisable now.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 21/10/2020 20:48

Defibrillators react to heart beat rhythm.

Iamthedevilinthedetail · 21/10/2020 20:49

There was a woman on the bus the other day wearing a mask under her nose......I wish I'd had the balls to tell her to put it on properly. On the other hand, if you've got asthma, and you want to avoid this, buy a face shield. It will at least show willing and it absolutely won't affect your asthma.

Original poster
8catsaremycoven · 21/10/2020 20:49

Hi, thanks for all of your responses. I didn't deliberately catch up, I just passed him and said "I'm exempt " Apparently anyone can claim to be exempt and being asthmatic isn't enough. I wasn't confrontational, I just wasn't going to let him say that to me. If he had approached me and asked why I wasn't wearing a mask I would have explained (bare minimum, not PTSD side) I fully appreciate that people may have lost loved ones to Covid and I feel for them. I'm in a high risk group, if I could wear a mask I would, tbh I'm more at risk than people wearing a mask so if I could why wouldn't I? Thank you for all the understanding and supportive posts, I appreciate it's a divisive issue

OP posts:
pinkbalconyrailing · 21/10/2020 20:50

yabu
most asthmatic people are fine wearing a mask.
tbh I find it ok for people to politely remark if someone is not wearing a mask.

DoesThisMakeSence · 21/10/2020 20:52

Im asthmatic and before covid had not had an attack since i was 10ish.
I wore a mask for the first 2 weeks of lockdown easing and had one mild attack and then one sever asthma attack.
I have not wore a mask since and been okay.
Im sorry you met someone like this OP.
It is scary enough that you cant protect yourself by using a mask like other can, then to have it highlighted in such a rude way is awful.
I have a lanyard i wear, i have had no issues so far but to be honest i dont think the lanyard would stop some people saying something. Some people just feel they have the right to an opinion.

Its not you its them in the wrongFlowers

Iamthedevilinthedetail · 21/10/2020 20:53

She could but she's got the 'I can't wear a mask' idea into her head and isn't thinking it through. My very good friend has severe asthma and wears a full face shield. She gets no hassle and no problems with her breathing. She wears her lanyard and the shield - people appreciate she's making an effort.

movingonup20 · 21/10/2020 20:54

You don't have to explain yourself but as you will realise, masks protect other people not you and a large percentage of people are pretending to be exempt - asthma is not an exception unless so severe you cannot breathe with a mask. You have ptsd which is an exception if you have tried different coverings and all resulted in symptoms - a face visor for instance could be a choice, not as effective but better than nothing and shouldn't affect either of your reasons not to wear a mask.

I do blame the government for not issuing official exemption cards, there's no way 50% of the teenagers around here are exempt! But they claim to be