Verbally attacked for not wearing a mask

[8catsaremycoven]

Wow, had a great experience in Lidl today - I was verbally abused and intimidated by a bloke in his 40s for not wearing a mask.

I'm minding my own business, choosing some fruit for DHS when random angry bloke walks past and hisses "You should be wearing a mask ". He doesn't stop and ask me directly why I'm not wearing a mask, just walks past me and says it in an undertone.

I catch up with him because he's browsing and tell him I'm exempt because I'm asthmatic. Apparently anyone can claim to be exempt and it's my personal fault that people are dying?! I told him that I wished that I was able to wear a mask to protect myself if nothing else, he just carried on ranting at me. No security guards in the store, other shoppers just stood and watched. I ended up crying in frustration and walking away.

I can't wear a mask because of my asthma but I also suffer from PTSD because an XH put a pillow over my face and raped me.

Am I expected to explain everything to anyone?

YABU - get over everything, risk a major asthma attack and wear a mask

YANBU - asthma is enough to excuse me from wearing a mask let alone my other reasons, which I don't feel I should have to explain to anyone

Bring it on, I'm sure someone is going to roast me but I truly hope that you're going to be behind me.

I left the shop shaking and in tears

@m0therofdragons

Masks do not cause asthma attacks. A small number of people with severe asthma (the kind who are on oxygen) may struggle but 90% of asthmatics are fine. If you’re not then wear a visor.

I say this as someone who has asthma and was raped by a friend of a friend. I also work in a hospital and see the impact of covid. You not wearing one may well be the right thing for you but there’s no getting away from the fact that you are risking being the reason someone else gets it.

Do I think they have the right to confront you? No, but you not wearing a mask impacts on others and you need to be more understanding of that.

I have asthma, I can and do wear a mask; for short periods, as I struggle to breath after a while and need to find a quiet corner to remove it and take some deep breaths. It's got nothing to do with oxygen, either, my asthma is affected by humidity, virtually all my asthma attacks have been caused by it, sometimes alongside other isssues such as a chest infection. Given that mask-wearing causes glasses to steam up, all that condensation obviously builds up and if it can't escape, it's breathed back in. Not all asthmatics are affected by the same things.

If masks were protecting the wearer people would magically tolerate them and no longer be "exempt".

Anyway, if you don't want an argument with someone, don't engage.
hisses "You should be wearing a mask "

You were not verbally attacked. You have a right not to wear mask if you don't want to in this country, and others have the right to be annoyed by it.

He shouldn’t have hassled you, you shouldn’t have responded.

He was correct that having asthma is not an a priori reason for not wearing a mask. The vast majority of asthma sufferers can and should wear masks in the same circumstances as everyone else. So I can see why someone who thinks you should be wearing a mask would find that a bit of a crap excuse. However, it’s not his job to police your mask wearing. Until such time as the government see fit to require a signed medical exemption to excuse mask wearing people are going to have to accept some other people not wearing them. I’ll bet he wouldn’t have said anything if you were a man bigger than him (or, quite possibly, to any man). He was just on a power trip over something that annoys him.

I’m sorry he was so rude to you. Would advise not trying to justify yourself to strangers in the street, though. That’s rarely going to work.

YANBU OP

In as much as I think those who can wear a mask should do so, I hate the way people are taking it upon themselves to police total strangers’ behaviour. Someone above has even suggested if you can’t wear a mask you shouldn’t go out.

People with medical conditions are NOT a burden and I’m sick of them being to made to feel like they are.

I'm also asthmatic and can wear a mask (but not for long), so do the other asthmatics I know however that doesn't mean that there aren't asthmatics that can't. We're all different and things affect us differently.

That should say I pointed out the men not wearing masks*

[quote Purpledaisychain]@TheAugury

You have no right to tell someone from PTSD what triggers them and what doesn't. To say that the OP is using it as an excuse is despicable.[/quote]
100% agree with you

You don't have to explain yourself to arseholes.
Next time he sees a group of teenage lads not wearing masks, I'm sure he'll definitely treat them the same way

@itsgoodtobehome

Fair enough that you are exempt. But if you are high risk as you say, why would you even want to go out without a mask? I would imagine that catching Covid when you have such bad asthma is really not a risk worth taking. Stay out of the shops and organise some home deliveries would be my advice.

If you think wearing a mask will stop you catching it you have misunderstood the hypothesis

So many posters not reading OP’s post, she has PTSD and finds anything over her mouth is a trigger, she can’t wear a scarf around her face. It took me a while to be able to wear a mask because like OP I was sexually assaulted by my ex and i can’t stand my mouth being covered.

No one should have to explain themselves for not wearing one, most people are wearing them so it’s not going to make a huge difference if a few people are not. People need to mind their own business and get on with their shopping.

To clarify for the hard of understanding - wearing a mask triggers my asthma because of the restrictions on my breathing. If that's not enough for you to understand I'm further triggered by things over my face. If I didn't need to go out I wouldn't, but sometimes I just don't have the option! Thanks for all your support and understanding, especially those who have asthma and understand how you can be fine today and flat on your back tomorrow because something triggers an attack.

The thing is there are actually very few medical exemptions, as many people have pointed out, vanishingly few asthmatics CAN'T wear a mask. It's more that for many people it's unpleasant or uncomfortable so understandably some of them interpret that as meaning they don't have to. I wonder if there are any conditions that mean you are considered exempt from wearing a seatbelt, certain sensory issues etc? I would guess not but I can guarantee that if people were able to self diagnose as exempt from wearing seatbelts there would suddenly be a whole lot of people with sensory issues and PTSD that meant the couldn't be restricted in any way and were therefore exempt.
My guess is that were there to be a gas attacks and everyone was issued with gas masks an awful lot of exempt people would suddenly manage to wear a mask.

Op, you can get lanyards on Amazon for £1.99 that say you're exempt ☺️

What a dick, I assume you're not in Scotland? Can't stand Nicola, but she has said no one is to question someone without a mask.

Hope you're ok

You are NOT being unreasonable. You also are not bound to tell anyone why you're not wearing a mask - that is your business, and it's not up to anyone to question you.

Is it possible to wear a visor or a lanyard? These tend to make the mask bullies back off. You absolutely don't have to, but if you keep encountering the idiots it may help.

Sorry you've had a horrible exerience. I was SCREAMED at the first week of lockdown for going past a woman in the supermarket. I thought she was joking at first but turns out she was really that angry. I ended up waiting for her outside the shop to tell her how bad she'd made me feel, and that there was no need to shout at anyone! (One week in, we were all still learning!) I'm glad you went and spoke to him.

He was an arsehole, I do think that you just can't educate some people and so it's better to roll your eyes and ignore than to try and correct them (for your own sake - not because you were wrong obviously!). You have a very valid reason to not wear a mask, the guidelines are very clear on exemptions and you are exempt. You don't need to defend yourself to anyone, all it will do is upset you - I bet the horrid man hasn't given it a second thought since he left the shop.

YANBU for not wearing a mask, YABU for engaging with the bloke - any virus you have would be spread more by talking to someone. Couldn’t you wear a visor? I’m in a support bubble with my very vulnerable mum, and encountering people without face coverings triggers anxiety for me.

You chased after him, did you really think he would apologise?

Wear a visor, it’s not great but it’s a bit more protection for you. The guy was a dick but sadly he’s right, lots of people are claiming to be exempt just because they can’t be bothered or they don’t believe.

And as other pop’s have said. He may have lost someone to this, he knows as much about you and you do him

@TheAugury

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Most people have two legs, but not all of them can walk.

To be honest possibly the reason for the comment is that there are so many people in shops who do not wear a mask. I steer clear of shops as much as possible but in my area at least when you see couples or families with older children all out not wearing masks, well you do just have to wonder? I notice, never say anything but keep my distance.
I agree you need to wear a lanyard, certainly at least a scarf over your mouth for your own protection as wel as everyone elses.

What about people who cannot wear masks? There are genuine medical exceptions.

How do you stop the spread of an infection when only some of society wears a mask ?

FWIW My friend had an unpleasant situation whilst not masked when out with her deaf child. The self appointed pandemic police are really starting to get on my wick

I just don't think people going round stating things like your asmtha has to be severe enough for you to need oxygen in order to not wear a mask are helping anyone.

I have moderate asthma. I wear a mask most of the time, but sometimes when I am having a bad day mask wearing will trigger an asthma attack. Pollen and dust can also trigger asthma attacks and neither of those "reduce your oxygen". If I am feeling okay I wear one, but if I get wheezy it comes off. You don't get to decide what does and doesn't cause other people problems. Who gains from saying stuff like that?

Also I have PTSD - really struggle with anything over my face. Even when I have needed hospital treatment that requires oxygen masks/general anesthetic I have fought it off, despite knowing I was in pain/severely unwell and needed that treatment, I do not cope well with things over my face. If I could choose to not have PTSD and wear a mask instead I would do so in a heartbeat.

I’m sorry to hear of this and for your past trauma. Please do seek help for your PTSD if you haven’t already - EMDR therapy works after just a few sessions for some people and is not very expensive.

@Fruitsaladjelly

People are knobs, try not to let it effect you but I know it’s hard. You don’t have to explain, why you aren’t wearing a mask is between you and your doctor.

And there's quite a few of those knobs on this thread unfortunately.