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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in refusing to delay my daughters birthday so daddy can be there?

130 replies

paddlinglikemad · 29/08/2007 21:58

it is my DD's 2nd birthday on Friday, my DH will be away with work stuff until Saturday evening ( depending on trains etc ) until about 6pm ...he asked me on Monday if we could have her birthday on the Saturday instead and I said I thought that was a bit strange, but we could save her main present and he could give it to her when he sees her....he is not happy ..am I in the wrong ? ( although too late now as I have little party friends coming over on Friday!!)

OP posts:
harleyd · 29/08/2007 22:00

i think yabu
she is only 2, she wont know the difference

gringottsgoblin · 29/08/2007 22:00

yabu. she wont know but he will. have the party, let her friends give her their pressies and keep yours til dh is back. my kids rarely have birthday parties on the day of their birthday anyway so not unusual to draw it out a bit. although i would be tempted to have her proper birthday on sunday so she isnt too tired

battlestar · 29/08/2007 22:02

yab very unreasobale.

LucyJones · 29/08/2007 22:02

yabu
we have done this when the dcs b/day's have fallen on Fridays and we're all at work and nursery. We've celbrated on the Saturday. No harm done as the dcs don't know what date it is anyway

BandofMothers · 29/08/2007 22:04

Birthday parties are often at the weekend when children are school age, you should be glad he is keen to be there. Why can't you have a family party and another cake on the Saturday.
I think that is quite unreasonable actually.
Would you like it if he did it on a day when you couldn't be there?

BecauseImWorthIt · 29/08/2007 22:04

Sorry - YABU - if he has work commitments it is very hard to change those, especially as she is of an age where it will make no difference to her.

paolosgirl · 29/08/2007 22:04

I'd have waited til my DH came home...never mind - have 2 parties - one for friends and one birthday tea type thing for family. We often do...

McEdam · 29/08/2007 22:04

Sorry, agree YABU given she's only two and won't know any better. OK, so she's having a little party, can't change that now, but you can spin it as 'your birthday is so special it lasts for TWO whole days and Daddy will be here for the second day when you get your special present from Mummy and Daddy'. Etc. etc. etc.

babyblue2 · 29/08/2007 22:05

Sorry, but agree with the others, you are being unreasonable. Thinking of yourself. You know it'll be her birthday and therefore you want to celebrate it. She'd be none the wiser.

tribpot · 29/08/2007 22:06

At 2, they have no idea. My ds (who is 2) happily sang happy birthday to himself on his birthday, but happily sang happy birthday to daddy on various other days near the date, it all means nothing to them.

I think you should have the main 'birthday' on the Saturday. As you've arranged a party on the Friday, there's no harm in going ahead with that. Your dd won't say "hang on, it's birthDAY, not birthDAYS, why are we celebrating this two days in a row?". Your dh is not being entirely unreasonable, I would go along with it. This year.

Original poster
paddlinglikemad · 29/08/2007 22:06

hmmm realise that she wouldn't know but big brother has also been counting down the days..guess I just thought it would take a lot of explaining and wanted to celebrate the actual day just as a purely Mummy thing I suppose...or am I just getting my own back cos we had to cancel our weeks holiday (should have been basking in the Lakes by now!) at very short notice because of his work commitments ( or is that commitment to work? )

OP posts:
BandofMothers · 29/08/2007 22:08

You should have gone without him. Now he is being unreasonable, and I can see why you are saying NO.
What was so important that he cancelled a holiday???? I'd be furious.

babyblue2 · 29/08/2007 22:12

Oh you don't wanna be in the lakes at the mo, its cold and windy and although the sun is getting out a little, its still cold and windy.

Original poster
paddlinglikemad · 29/08/2007 22:13

oh yes that would be a whole new thread!!..has changed to new and 'more interesting' work that is less money but his wellbeing etc etc much better, since he has seems like he bends over backwards to please them and the rest of us can go wallow if we don't like it .don't get me started it will be very very long!

OP posts:
gringottsgoblin · 29/08/2007 22:16

obviously isnt a different thread tho! i started a thread about being mad for one thing and every jumped on me cos it was obvious i wa mad about something else. def go without him next time, i actually find hols easier without dh.

try to separate the issues for the sake of dd and ds tho

nutcracker · 29/08/2007 22:21

I moved dd2's 3rd birthday about 3 days when I ws in hospital having ds, she has no clue and it ws absolutly fine YABU.

BandofMothers · 29/08/2007 22:23

gringotts, it's one less child to look after isn't it??/

Hulababy · 29/08/2007 22:24

We moved one of DD's birthdays (2nd or 3rd?) as DH and I were both working on that day. We celebrated it completely the day before. Even told PILs, who were looking after on the actual birthday, to not tell her it was her real birthday. She didn't know any difference and it made DHa nd me feel better about it.

How old is the brother? Can you not just explain why you are having her birthday a different day?

Hulababy · 29/08/2007 22:26

Don't worry about having a party a different day. Almost all of DD's parties have been on a different day to her actual birthday - this year (5th) was 2 week's before as we were going on holiday). Just treat party day as party day, and Saturday as the special family birthday day.

mumeeee · 29/08/2007 22:29

sorry but I agree with the others,yabu.She is only 2 and what notice the difference.

Original poster
paddlinglikemad · 29/08/2007 22:30

Brother is nearly 6 yrs...so I supose he would undersatnd it I suppose I am very for doing stuff on the right day ( I couldn't even do Xmas day early when DS2 was due , just kept my legs crossed!!)..in the past when DS1 birthday have fallen on a day we were all at work/nursery etc, we have still done presents in the morning , then had a day out or party at the weekend etc ..am not against that just don't like the idea of moving the whole day to a different day ..maybe I have 'issues'....

OP posts:
BandofMothers · 29/08/2007 22:33

You are control freaky

But seriously, be glad he wants to be there, and isn't all not caring that he's missing it.
Also ds would understand if you said you were moving it so Daddy could be there too.

Don't punish him for liking his job, annoying as that may be, trust me, it is better than someone who doesn't want to go to work.

Hulababy · 29/08/2007 22:34

IMO a 6yo would definitely understand. My 5yo would. Just explain that you want to be able to have DD's birthday all together with daddy there to celebrate. You say he is looking forward to it - use that situation to explain it; he'd be sad if he couldn't be there, just like daddy would be. This way everyone gets to be together on DD's special day.

Roskva · 29/08/2007 22:35

Dh missed dd's first birthday party - her birthday was on a Friday, and he didn't get home until Saturday. I'd already invited her playgroup friends, before he told me he wouldn't be back in time. Her grandad didn't make it, either, but my mum and I did a nice party for her. Dh bought her a special present for her to open when he got home.

cat64 · 29/08/2007 22:53

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