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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

in refusing to delay my daughters birthday so daddy can be there?

130 replies

paddlinglikemad · 29/08/2007 21:58

it is my DD's 2nd birthday on Friday, my DH will be away with work stuff until Saturday evening ( depending on trains etc ) until about 6pm ...he asked me on Monday if we could have her birthday on the Saturday instead and I said I thought that was a bit strange, but we could save her main present and he could give it to her when he sees her....he is not happy ..am I in the wrong ? ( although too late now as I have little party friends coming over on Friday!!)

OP posts:

nooka · 29/08/2007 22:56

I think that you are feeling very sore about the holiday issue and it's coming out about the birthday. So YABU, but it's perhaps understandable. It's hard when work seems to come above family, and I guess maybe you are making a bit of a statement that for you family (and your values about birthdays) come first, and if your husband puts work first then he should lose out on family. Not sure it's going to end up with either of you being happy though!

BreeVanDerCampLGJ · 29/08/2007 22:57

Get a grip.

Have a tea party, no cake.

Then wait for your DH.

He was presumably there for the conception...so why should you refuse to shift the party.

Are you trying to score points and sadly using your child. ??

Original poster

paddlinglikemad · 29/08/2007 22:58

but then there is a part of me thats thinking..he volunteered to cover the work stuff last week, when this week was booked off as our annual hols, he knew that meant being away for her birthday..it didn't matter then.. but it does now...?...so whos the bigger control freak me or him?

OP posts:

Original poster

paddlinglikemad · 29/08/2007 23:01

as I said I understand the party one day birthday on another bit, why do we disregard the whole day and change it for another to make it more convenient ?..p'hraps we should have Xmas in Summer then at least the weather might be nice.....see I am a control freak we are a dying breed...

OP posts:

seeker · 29/08/2007 23:05

DD won't mind what day her birthday is celebrated on - she can't read the calendar. But she will know whether or not her daddy is there. Find another way to get back at him - you'll enjoy the revenge much more if it's not tinged with guilt because you used the children! And dd will have a better birthday with her daddy there, so it's a win/win!

BreeVanDerCampLGJ · 29/08/2007 23:07

Are you a SAHM, who used to be quite sucessful in the workplace, and has now transferred this quest for perfection to your SAHM role. ??

grannyslippers · 29/08/2007 23:10

I'm in the same situation, DS is 2 tomorrow and I don't actually know when DH will be back from his current trip, possibly not until Saturday or Sunday. I have bowed out off organising a party on my own, DS will have presents tomorrow but a family celebration with cake when we're all together.

Save her main present for your family time, if DH is away that much he will be feeling bad already about missing his little ones.

I moan at mine about being away the whole summer and then he goes all grey-faced with pressure about being the wage earner and I start worrying about heart attacks and stomach ulcers. Really I have him to thank for the luxury of being a SAHM anyway.

Original poster

paddlinglikemad · 29/08/2007 23:11

yes but daddy is only there from 6pm on Saturday then working 10-5pm ( not including travel) covering another store until Wednesday..
He wants to do it Saturday when he gets home but DD will be ready to drop by then, to me give her the main special present and lots of hugs will have to be the compromise this year ( next year we will stick the original plan whatever that will be!), trying to throw a birthday tea then will just result in tears ( and not just mine! )

OP posts:

battlestar · 29/08/2007 23:12

i didnt say much before, but this has been niggling me and so i have to say it.

you are not only being unreasonable. you are being childish andimmature. you are teaching your kids that daddy doesnt love them. and that even though he is working very hard, none of them need change their own lives even minusculy to accomodate him. you are telling them that he is of no consequence to your little family of mommy and dc.

harsh words i know. but what you are doing is soooo soooo soo wrong. you are undermining your own family, and teachingyour own dc not to bother respecting their daddy. and allbecause you are miffed t having your holiday cancelled.

i am giving my opinion because aibu threads by their nature re asking for other peoples oopinions. i am not interested in long protracted conversation with other mnetters about how harsh i am being on you. it's your family, and you need to deal withit in the way that you see fit.

battlestar · 29/08/2007 23:13

paddling, she is two. arragne a sleepy time for her in the day so she and her daddy can spend somet ime together.
it's not impossible if you want to do it.

BreeVanDerCampLGJ · 29/08/2007 23:13

So in conclusion...........are you a SAHM and you work your ass off in the home./

But he is working out of the home, with all the pressures that brings.?

If that is the case, you sound like a spoilt brat.

Original poster

paddlinglikemad · 29/08/2007 23:15

oh and I work part time ( including taking this week OFF as my annual holiday leave..!) in a crappy lowly job to which I am perfectly suited..so there is no ex Power Suit thing going on
I have to be the parttimer as DH doesn't like driving and as we live in the middle of nowhere the kids need to be driven to school, childcare etc , DH has done a stint as SAHD for 6 months and found it 'demoralising'..but hay ho ...am off to bed to plan my next maneouvre

OP posts:

BreeVanDerCampLGJ · 29/08/2007 23:15

Battlestar

He appears to be a sperm donor, and a cash point.

Original poster

paddlinglikemad · 29/08/2007 23:18

Okay Bree etc that is just nasty but thanks anyway.....

OP posts:

Tortington · 29/08/2007 23:18

sounds like you don't like your dh. your v. pissed at him and as his punishment he gets to miss his daughters birthday.

harleyd · 29/08/2007 23:21

terribly unreasonable. poor kids

BreeVanDerCampLGJ · 29/08/2007 23:21

It is not nasty, from what you have posted until your last post about working and DH staying at home, It appeared on the surface quite accurate. I find it quite telling that your thread title is my daughters birthday.

twofishes · 29/08/2007 23:21

is it just the time of night or does any topic on MN end up as a load of namecalling and slagging off it's really bad at the moment....obviously everyone is now going to lay into me...

battlestar · 29/08/2007 23:24

(lgj, why have you highlighted my name? i'm a bit dense sometimes, please explain?)

nightowl · 29/08/2007 23:24

(confused)

who is paddlinglikemad?

why the venom? what have i missed?

cant just be a case of a woman being pissed off that dh isnt home on dd's birthday surely?

BreeVanDerCampLGJ · 29/08/2007 23:25

Battlestar

Because I agreed with you, and what you said. Sorry if I embarrassed you.

battlestar · 29/08/2007 23:28

(no lgj, you didnt embarass me, but since the last thread we chatted on, you told me off, i'm a bit wary of you right now. )

BreeVanDerCampLGJ · 29/08/2007 23:28

That is how MN works, roll with it.

twofishes · 29/08/2007 23:29

Nightowl..well thats what I was thinking but maybe the wine was making me read it different..

oops · 29/08/2007 23:31

Message withdrawn

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