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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in refusing to delay my daughters birthday so daddy can be there?

130 replies

paddlinglikemad · 29/08/2007 21:58

it is my DD's 2nd birthday on Friday, my DH will be away with work stuff until Saturday evening ( depending on trains etc ) until about 6pm ...he asked me on Monday if we could have her birthday on the Saturday instead and I said I thought that was a bit strange, but we could save her main present and he could give it to her when he sees her....he is not happy ..am I in the wrong ? ( although too late now as I have little party friends coming over on Friday!!)

OP posts:
Original poster
paddlinglikemad · 29/08/2007 23:52

okay okay Custardo I said I was wet not stupid..and quite happy with replies just the name calling I don't like ....have learnt my lesson I will not tar the thread again

OP posts:
nightowl · 29/08/2007 23:52

what is this holiday you all speak of? im in the dark here!

battlestar · 29/08/2007 23:53

look paddlin, thing about mn is that you get given the truth. whether you like it or not. no one mollycoddles you here.

tbh, i didn think there was any venom directed at you. there are always heated debates about things on mn, just try the breast bottle feeding threads sometimes. hard hats necessary.. but never personal attacks.
you have asked for our opinions. we have given them. follow it or dont, thats up to you. but also listen to wht a lot of people have pointed out. there are other issues in your marriage that you need to look at.

in rl you would neverget given this sort of honest advice.
ps, well done for not sulking off and disapearing of the thread.well done for standing up for yourself.

Pan · 29/08/2007 23:53

not soppymums.com, paddly....try.....takingresponsibilityformyownangerandnotdisplacingitonachild.org???

Tortington · 29/08/2007 23:54

goodness, i am trying my bestest to be sweet and still my sprinkles of glee are welcomed like showers of pee.

twentypence · 29/08/2007 23:55

We have moved at least one of ds's birthdays to a date when we could have a better celebration, and I don't actually know a parent who hasn't done this.

In your position I would have gone for Sunday so your dh gets equal cleanup action!

Pan · 29/08/2007 23:55

I shower in your sprinkles, custy.

battlestar · 29/08/2007 23:55

lol custy.
erm, werent you the one accusing the crafty typse of bieng cutting and gluing types for adults?
i cannot imagine you making a doily

Tortington · 29/08/2007 23:59

I will have you know i make from scratch with scissors and glitter and shiny string...snowflakes at xmas.

I am a reformed character. i am even wearing gingham.

I am overwhelmes by your enjoyment of my sprinkles pan

TotalChaos · 30/08/2007 00:25

Custy - I'm MummyToSteven, decided a month or so back I needed a less droopy mumsy name

battlestar · 30/08/2007 00:29

tc, i love it. sort of name i would like to choose, but i always go blank when its time to choose something.

Tortington · 30/08/2007 00:49

then showers of glitter shall befall you

nightowl · 30/08/2007 01:00

custardo, you worry me with this glitter

SofiaAmes · 30/08/2007 07:23

My dd's birthday party has been held 2 weeks early for the last 2 years so that daddy can attend. She is turning 5 next month and we'll be having her party 2 weeks early yet again. She couldn't care less when the party is and it means a lot to her to have daddy there. I would think long and hard about your real motivations behind insisting on having the party on her birthday. As others have said, you sound angry and resentful and perhaps you should be addressing the underlying things that are creating those sentiments, because they will only get worse and stew more. (I am a big believer in visiting a marriage counselor every few years to work out underlying issues in a calm, non-battle environment.)
Happy birthday to your dd.

WaynettaSlob · 30/08/2007 07:32

We're delaying DS1's birthday (4) by a day this year because of work commitments and you know what, he doesn't care (he doesn't even know!) all he thinks is that it's his birthday all weekend.
Absolutely no reason not to have the party on Friday, but you should wait to celebrate your DD's birthday till her daddy is there too.....

mummytoamonkey · 30/08/2007 08:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MyTwopenceworth · 30/08/2007 08:29

We once has christmas on boxing day because dh had to work and it meant SO much to him to see his son (only had the one child then) open his gifts.

Parents get so much joy from being with their kids for this stuff that it is worth delaying rather than have one parent miss out.

Beetroot · 30/08/2007 08:37

Why did you not go away without your dh?

AngharadGoldenhand · 30/08/2007 08:51

I think you're being very hard on paddling.

Dh volunteered to work, causing the whole family to miss the holiday, but can't bear to miss out himself on her birthday.

What a control freak he is.

BandofMothers · 30/08/2007 08:54

Goodness this thread got a bit out of hand didn't it

CUSTY I found you some more glitter and sprinkles

Have fun

BandofMothers · 30/08/2007 08:55

I think a lot of parents must move christmas if they are not together anymore and alternate the holidays.

Kids don't care do they as long as they get cake and pressies.

Hulababy · 30/08/2007 09:03

paddlinglikemad - forgot about yourself in this for a bit. You sound very angry with your DH over the holiday and work stuff, possibly with good reason. But there is someone else in all this who is way more important - your DD. What would she prefer? And your DS to an extent too? Would they prefer a party or celebration with mummy and daddy together as a family. Because it is very easy and possible for you to do that for them if you want to. 6pm is not late and very easily doable.

Would you prefer a DH who didn't care and didn't want to be part of his child's birthday celebrations?

How would you feel if the tables were turned and it was you missing out on the birthday celebrations, because you had to work?

At the end of the day it is up to you what you decide. You already know the general consensus is that you are being unreasonable and unfair to your DH. You can change things. IF YOU WANT TO.

harleyd · 30/08/2007 09:05

im sorry i went to bed and missed out on the glitter & sprinkles!

Hulababy · 30/08/2007 09:06

AngharadGoldenhand - but why did he volunteer? Does he feel they need that money? Does he feel the pressure on making sure there is enough money coming in? Long term does he need to volunteer to ensure promotion? There can be alsorts of reasons why he may have volunteered, not just to cause anguish to the OP and the family. I wonder if it was just a case of simply volunteering and saying forgot the holiday, or if there was a lot of soulsearching first.

Yes I would be really upset to miss my holiday, VERY. But it is still not right to take the anger and upset out of a two year old and her daddy.

MyTwopenceworth · 30/08/2007 09:09

Ok. now I've read the whole thread .... - I hate it when other people say 'I haven't read the whole thread BUT...' and then talk rubbish because they don't have all the facts, and then I go and do it myself!!!

So. Now I've read the whole thread [hypocrite emoticon] I can see that it you are actually mad at your dh for working through his annual leave, meaning you didn't get your booked family holiday, AND deciding to work on his daughters birthday THEN saying you had to slot her celebration into a tiny window of his availability.

I would be mad too. I can see how you can feel that he is placing work before you.

Unless he is being put under pressure at work to do this, or there are threats of redundancy or something, then I actually think HE is being unreasonable. Naturally people want to shine at work, and to impress, but you can do this without sacrificing things so important to your family.

Work/home is a balance and of course there are many times when work takes priority, of course it must, it is bread on the table.

But I think your dh has gone too far on this and I can see why you are upset.

Basically, what you are saying to him is "fine, we'll just get on with life without you"

I personally don't think it is the best way to deal with the situation, but I can understand the feeling. It seems you feel unimportant to him and you feel that the child you share is unimportant to him.