Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in refusing to delay my daughters birthday so daddy can be there?

130 replies

paddlinglikemad · 29/08/2007 21:58

it is my DD's 2nd birthday on Friday, my DH will be away with work stuff until Saturday evening ( depending on trains etc ) until about 6pm ...he asked me on Monday if we could have her birthday on the Saturday instead and I said I thought that was a bit strange, but we could save her main present and he could give it to her when he sees her....he is not happy ..am I in the wrong ? ( although too late now as I have little party friends coming over on Friday!!)

OP posts:
AngharadGoldenhand · 30/08/2007 09:24

Hulababy - but that's the thing. I don't think the OP is taking anything out on her dh.
While she's upset (justifiably, imo) over the holiday, the holiday and the birthday are 2 separate things.

I think she's just left to run the family while he's away and the birthday just happens to be then. And, imo, he is being unreasonable in seemingly expecting family things to be changed for him but he can't change for the family.

maisemor · 30/08/2007 10:22

Think you are being very, very unreasonable here.

As Elastagirl once said "you need to be more flexible" .

ghosty · 30/08/2007 10:34

I want some sprinkles and glitter from custy ..
How do I get some?

LIZS · 30/08/2007 10:36

We've often done briothday celebartions on other days. never been n issue. You could do the teaparty on Friday then have a family celebraytion on Saturday when dh gets home. I'm confsed as to why you are beign so rigid and not compromising . Your dd will just be thrilled to ahve an extended b'day and really won't mind!

Now the holiday is a separate issue. Presumably you would have otherwise been away for her b'day and cut the friends out ? Is he in Retail (you mention covering stores)? Can be a ruthless world especially when sales are struggling. Maybe he felt he needed to score extra brownie points ?

ghosty · 30/08/2007 10:36

And to the OP ...
Yes, YABU, I can see why you are cross, my DH has had to miss things because of work too and I HATE it BUT it is not fair to use your daughter's birthday as a punishment ... not fair at all, on either of them.

lou33 · 30/08/2007 10:38

yes i think you are being unreasonable, at 2 she only knows when her birthday is when you tell her, so delaying it a day isnt going to upset her at all

ghosty · 30/08/2007 10:45

My DD's little friend's birthday is on the 29th of December. They held her 3rd birthday party in the third week in January and ignored the real date ... she didn't care or know and her brother (aged 6) wasn't bothered. The mum knows she probably won't get away with it again but it just took the pressure off christmas (and people being away etc etc)

oliveoil · 30/08/2007 10:48

good god, I don't know why paddling is getting the harsh posts . MN at its finest...

her dh is being an arse imo, cancelling the holiday - although tbh, I would have gone without him

I would move the birthday party though

I think a talk is order re his priorities

lou33 · 30/08/2007 10:52

dd2 has the same birthday ghosty

lou33 · 30/08/2007 10:55

oh just read some of the thread aside from the op, i agree with olive's comments

you need to communicate a bit more with each other, but i would still move the party date

Tortington · 30/08/2007 12:07

Harleyd and ghosty please accept these belated sprinkles and glitter with confetti and streamers all in pink just for you

Hurlyburly · 30/08/2007 12:08

Think you should move the party. It's more important for him than for her at this age.

Alambil · 30/08/2007 12:14

well I must be a horrible mum - my ds was 4 in Oct 2006 and had his party... wait for it

IN JULY (2007) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

there are specific reasons why it was so late(!) but he didn't mind at all...!

A few days won't hurt - I can understand why you are upset but the two issues (ie the holiday and the birthday) are two seperate events - one shouldn't be used in a punishment for the other, IMO.

haggisaggis · 30/08/2007 12:18

Up until about age 5, both my kids have always had weekend birthdays. They don't know any different!

ghosty · 31/08/2007 00:16
harleyd · 31/08/2007 00:19

aw shucks
streamers & everything!

nappyaddict · 31/08/2007 01:26

i don't think you are bring unreasonable. its true she won't know, but if you have it on the saturday you and you're dh will still know it isn't her actual birthday so it won't be as special. i would maybe have 2 birthdays? still celebrate it on the friday, have a cake etc and open a few presents but maybe keep most of her presents for saturday and change the party day if you can?

LadyPenelope · 31/08/2007 05:36

For my dd 3 birthday I had to go on a biz trip. No choice in the matter - couldn't change it, just had to go. My dh took dd out for a treat (ice cream if I remember) and a lovely walk in the park, and then we celebrated her birthday with cake and presents etc ect a few days later when I got back. (And we did the party on another day if IRC!) I'd move it if you can and have your family celebration when your dh is there. Have 2 cakes, etc and she will have double the fun!

wastingmylife · 31/08/2007 07:38

You are being unreasonable - at 2 she wouldn't know the difference between Friday and Saturday so you could have easily pretended Sat was her birthday.

PippiLangstrump · 31/08/2007 07:47

YABU I am afraid. we had to postpone it twice (DD2), first time because I forgot to collect the cake and second time because it fell on a weekday. what did she knew? we opened some pressies on her day and had a party at the weekened.
I'd be furious if DH would have a party while I am at work, sorry.

Hulababy · 31/08/2007 17:33

the later comments just eminded me. one of dd's friends birthday is dec 25. she was 5 this year. all her birthday celebrations happen on jun 25 insummer - half birthday. she has never minded at all.

StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 31/08/2007 17:51

Well if friends are now invited its too late to change that. So have 2 parties. When dh comes home have another cake and another pressie and sing happy birthday again.

Original poster
paddlinglikemad · 31/08/2007 17:55

well we have had party No 1 with some friends and their presents..our presents are saved for when Daddy comes home with the whole cake and singing 'Happy Birthday' also on one side..although he rang at 5pm to say they were still up to their eyes in it and he doesn't know whether he will back now until late tomorrow or possibly Sunday ..so it is going to have to be very flexible ..but deeeep breath I will not get wound up by it

OP posts:
pointydog · 31/08/2007 17:59

to op, I think you're in the wrong, yes.

pointydog · 31/08/2007 18:00

I see things have moved on apace. Fprget my last post.