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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to read his Uni work

141 replies

StarShop · 14/12/2019 21:12

DH has started at Uni, I completed postgraduate 10 years ago. He has worked as a lecturer in colleges but writing isn't his strength. He has spent a lot of time writing a 2500 word essay to be handed in on Monday. He asked me to have a look over it, I began to and then he said "is the grammar OK?" to which I replied "I'm not reading it all!". He took the laptop away and did that passive aggressive "it's fine, doesn't matter".

AIBU to refuse to read and effectively critique his work? In the past I have written stuff for him such as job applications etc. and I warned I wouldn't be his crutch whilst studying.

Of course I will support him, let him bounce ideas off me, find the right words for things etc. but am I being unreasonable to not read his work for him? I feel like it's an extension of wife work!

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 14/12/2019 21:15

Why won’t you support him? I’ve done similar when my dh was writing a report. It’s not like he’ll be asking weekly. Harsh of you, IMO.

Stupiddriver1 · 14/12/2019 21:15

I think YABU to be honest. It wouldn’t take long to skim read it and give him some pointers about academic style, etc if needed. How often will he hand in an assignment? It’s not like it would be a weekly thing. And as his confidence grows he won’t need the support, sounds like it’s his first assignment?

Wallywobbles · 14/12/2019 21:16

No totally reasonable. I had people at uni who I got to help me occasionally but there was always a price to pay. I'd never have asked my partner for help with that.

But on second thoughts DH helps me with loads of writing because we live in his native country and it's his native tongue. But no essays or academic work.

LolaSmiles · 14/12/2019 21:17

YABU
DH and I always read through things for each other and do mock runs of presentations etc. It's supporting each other and not being an arse.

Starryskye · 14/12/2019 21:17

YABU and a bit cruel tbf. It's just the right thing to do for anyone not just your husband. If someone on the train or bus asked me to read their work then I would. Be kinder.

dreichXmas · 14/12/2019 21:17

Honestly I think that is being unsupportive as a partner.
As the DH of a dyslexic my partner has ploughed through any number of essays, dissertations and various applications.
He has never refused to do this.
I'm appreciating rather more now.

Wife work is dull mundane stuff that men get away with dumping on women.
It isn't supporting your partner with something that they find harder than you.

PlanDeRaccordement · 14/12/2019 21:18

YABU
It’s only 2500 words. Even just a friend would do it. Very rude and mean to refuse someone you profess to care about.

TashieWoo · 14/12/2019 21:18

2500 words is like five pages and it will make him feel a lot better if you read it. I don’t think you’re being very supportive, YABU.

Booboostwo · 14/12/2019 21:18

Seems a bit mean. If he lumps you with all the housework/parenting then you should tackle that separately, but in an equal partnership it’s normal to ask and receive help with something like this.

Student support services might be able to help him, given that you won’t.

BlueJava · 14/12/2019 21:18

I think to read it and give your opinion shows support and would be really encouraging. My DH read every essay for my MBA, offered opinions, discussed ideas etc. I really appreciated it! The extra salary i earned for both was great and i felt super supported by DH all the way.

overnightangel · 14/12/2019 21:19

I don’t think you understand marriage @StarShop.
What a depressing thread

slashlover · 14/12/2019 21:19

My friends/family read my essays (last time was a 2000 one and a 1500 one), they've not been to university and don't know anything about my coursework. My tutors have all recommended it because sometimes you think you've written clearly but because you where you're coming from but it's actually confusing.

Quartz2208 · 14/12/2019 21:19

why did his comment stop you reading it?

As an editor I have read stuff for friends that means a lot not the content but just to check it reads ok

HanginWithMyGnomies · 14/12/2019 21:20

I think YABVU and very unsupportive. I’ve proof read friends essays and dissertations, it’s only 2,500 words. Quite nasty of you not to support him through what is likely to be a stressful time for him imo!

FFSFFSFFS · 14/12/2019 21:20

Oh the poor guy! He hasn't asked you to write it! He's spent lots of time on it and want's his wife and supposed supportive partner in life to have a read through of it.

In what way is this "wifework"?

beautifulxdisasters · 14/12/2019 21:20

I think YAB a bit U. It's his first assignment - I could see your point if he does this every time.

Surely if you're happy to discuss the work with him etc, actually reading the work would take a fraction of the time that you're prepared to put in? It's only 2500 words!

MonsteraCheeseplant · 14/12/2019 21:21

DH and I have always proof read each others stuff for more degrees than you can shake a stick at.

Why are you concerned about being a crutch? If it's just proof reading? Sounds like there's an expectation for more work than that?

Andonandonan · 14/12/2019 21:21

YAB massively U.

It’s not wifework - it’s supporting your partner. DH and I always read each other’s stuff like this, listen to each other’s presentations etc. We’re both teachers so even chat lesson plans on occasion. I can’t understand why you wouldn’t read his essay?

Thinking of dh’s recent job application, I read it, so did my DPs & DPILs...because we all care about him & want him to do well.

Pegase · 14/12/2019 21:21

YABVU. My DH and I would critique an important piece of work for one another or a job application. Not at all the same as writing it for someone. No wonder he was offended.

Disfordarkchocolate · 14/12/2019 21:22

My poor husband read my dissertation, I read dozens of my daughter's essays.

Download the Grammarly app, or something similar, it will help.

Gingerkittykat · 14/12/2019 21:24

Just read it through for him.

CosmoK · 14/12/2019 21:24

You sound really mean. My DH just completed his PhD and I spent hours and hours proof reading his thesis.

It really wouldn't have taken you long and he'id obviously worried about it.

Ash39 · 14/12/2019 21:24

Aw. You should read it.

CaptainMyCaptain · 14/12/2019 21:25

YABU I would read it.

RoseHippy1 · 14/12/2019 21:26

Poor guy!!