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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To refuse to read his Uni work

141 replies

StarShop · 14/12/2019 21:12

DH has started at Uni, I completed postgraduate 10 years ago. He has worked as a lecturer in colleges but writing isn't his strength. He has spent a lot of time writing a 2500 word essay to be handed in on Monday. He asked me to have a look over it, I began to and then he said "is the grammar OK?" to which I replied "I'm not reading it all!". He took the laptop away and did that passive aggressive "it's fine, doesn't matter".

AIBU to refuse to read and effectively critique his work? In the past I have written stuff for him such as job applications etc. and I warned I wouldn't be his crutch whilst studying.

Of course I will support him, let him bounce ideas off me, find the right words for things etc. but am I being unreasonable to not read his work for him? I feel like it's an extension of wife work!

OP posts:

RoryGillmoresEvilTwin · 14/12/2019 23:43

My god op, I also have a 2500 word essay due next week and my friend has offered to read it through for me. I didn't ask but they offered because they know I'm worried about it.
Just to clarify, this my friend. Not the person that's supposed to love me.

HomelessnessIsABigIssue · 14/12/2019 23:44

YouAreBeingVeryUnreasonable!

Your poor DH. I'd cross hell and high water for my DH. I love him! What's a few pages of an essay!?

I'd be really upset if DH refused to read something of mine! And I'd never dream of not reading his stuff if he asked - it's being supportive. What will you do instead? Watch TV? Read the paper? Wash up? Are those things more important that your DH?

(Sorry to sound harsh, don't take it personally, I suspect to you r a lovely person in all other regards and this is just a one off bit of crazyness - we all have them!)

ErrolTheDragon · 14/12/2019 23:44

I proofread DHs PhD thesis about 3 times - including checking equations, figures etc. He was supposed to do mine but got bored.

Pixxie7 · 14/12/2019 23:45

When I did my degree we were told to get someone to read it over to ensure it made sense. This was a bit mean.

TheCanyon · 14/12/2019 23:53

Not to be too down on my dh, but honestly he's just not that bright. So while I'd love to run my uni assignments by him, he wouldn't get them, so I ask my brother.

You sound so self centred, can you not cope with him doing something better than you? Bitter

mauvaisereputation · 14/12/2019 23:56

Depends how much time you have. If you don't have time or are exhausted from work then ok to say no. I think it's seriously weird to say no as a matter of principle. My husband and I read each other's work when we were in postgrad together; I also read work for friends and also had friends read my work. I don't agree at all that it is a gender thing, it's normal to get input on academic work.

Madein1995 · 14/12/2019 23:59

On a random note but I sometimes ask my colleague to check over emails I send. I'm quite new in my role, and have a tenancy oto waffle or be too subjective (so if I'm raising a risk issue, I might say 'I think x' rather than 'I observed x and y which led to z conclusion'). As the emails are regarding risk and are sent to officers etc, it's important they make sense. She bounces things off me too sometimes

eaglejulesk · 15/12/2019 00:05

I'm glad you changed your mind OP - but I feel sorry for the partners of some of the posters on here!

Creepster · 15/12/2019 00:06

As a person who grew up pressured to do all my work plus all my brother's work I think setting the policy of him doing his own work early on was an indication that you knew what he would want you to do.
His getting shirty when you only glanced through it instead of going over it line by line is an indication you were right to set your boundaries even though he immediately trampled them.

jimmyhill · 15/12/2019 00:07

I often tell my students to have a close friend - someone whose judgment they trust - help them to proofread their work before submission. There's nothing like a second pair of eyes.

Guess your DH will have to find a close friend, whose judgment he trusts, to help him with this.

LadyAllegraImelda · 15/12/2019 00:09

Glad you've changed your mind! I proof read my daughters when she asks. I tend to ask for sections as she goes along which I find less tedious!

ploughingthrough · 15/12/2019 00:48

I think yabu. He's your husband and I guess your friend. He's not asking you to write it only to proof. My DH is doing MSc part time at the moment and I wouldn't dream of refusing to read his work. I would be upset if he wouldn't do it for me too.

SteelRiver · 15/12/2019 01:30

It'll probably take longer for you to read this thread. Be a bit kinder and support your husband.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 15/12/2019 01:44

My DM is very good with English and has helped a lot of family members out (none of which were doing anything to do with English) by reading and helping them out with grammar.

SarahH12 · 15/12/2019 01:49

Crikey my DH has read two 60 page uni reports for me and countless essays over the years and I would 100% do it for him if he ever decides to study again in the future.

I'm glad you've decided to reconsider as I think you were BVU. It's not about wife work or acting as a crutch, it's about supporting your life partner.

PixieDustt · 15/12/2019 01:52

YABU you said you'd support him but that's not supporting him.

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