Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Oh miserable about Xmas

113 replies

Daisydoo6799 · 08/12/2019 09:24

OH is so miserable about Xmas, it's like he's got no spirit at all.
We've got a 15 month old, so this is his first Xmas he's a bit more aware.

I have done ALL the thinking and shopping and buying DS presents, stocking, Xmas eve box.

Want to make our own traditions, do festive and xmassy things, and he's just not interested. ☹️

He's got a lot going on with his health and currently not working, so I know that's getting him down,
He doesn't want to spend any money, (which he hasn't done so far apart from 20 quid on a pottery plate and mug for his mum and dad from DS)
AIBU being cross with him?!

OP posts:
DeathStare · 08/12/2019 09:45

I'm not sure being cross with him will achieve anything. Do you think if you get cross he will suddenly be happy?

TBH it sounds like he's depressed, which isn't surprising given the other things going on. I think he needs your compassion rather than you being cross with him.

That doesn't mean you have to stop being Christmassy. You aren't joined at the hip to him.

Thingsdogetbetter · 08/12/2019 09:47

You're getting carried away with the perfect Xmas while he is feeling ill and worried about money, so yes I think you're BU. Presents, stocking presents, Xmas eve box presents - that's a lot of presents when he's not working and concerned about money.

He sounds depressed in all honesty, and you seem lacking in empathy and financial sense. Spending lots (and any amount is lots when there's no money coming in) on a 'perfect' family Christmas for a child that won't remember it seems daft.

Do any of your traditions involve free fun and games, making decorations from scrap?

Suggest he goes to his gp and rein in the commercial Xmas stuff. Baby won't remember whether there's 20 presents or one. It's the feeling of love and security they'll remember.

Oysterbabe · 08/12/2019 09:47

He probably doesn't see the point of going over the top for a baby. Maybe he'll be more interested next year. You can't force someone to buy into it all though, many find the fuss beforehand tedious and would prefer just a few presents and a nice roast.

puds11 · 08/12/2019 09:50

Christmas isn’t for everyone. Personally I think it’s shit. You can’t force someone to be happy and being annoyed with them sure as shit won’t help.

Annasgirl · 08/12/2019 09:58

Well OP you sound very spendy. I can’t understand anyone who does a Christmas Eve box... what is the point???? And you OH is unemployed so unless you are earning an absolute fortune in your job, you should rein in the spending. So YABU and not very kind to your OH.

Dissimilitude · 08/12/2019 10:01

At 15 months old my kids were still more interested in the cardboard boxes the presents came in than the presents themselves.

Xmas shopping for a kid that age should take an afternoon.

Ponoka7 · 08/12/2019 10:07

Sometimes you've got to put a brave face on, when you have children. So he should be doing that.

Do you think he is actually depressed? Or is it a case that he's done what he needs to, in terms of sorting his Parents out and you and your DS can sort yourselves out?

Even if he is depressed it's important to stay engaged with family life. In fact, it's more important to.

Are you just seeing this selfish side of him now, or has there been glimpses in the past that you've ignored?

There's a lot of families going through shit, living in hostels, spending it in hospital, who are doing their vest to cover it up for their children's sake.

I'd say some tough talking is in order.

Dodie66 · 08/12/2019 10:10

Sounds like mine too. I do all the Christmas present buying etc and getting ready for Christmas.
My DH didn’t have a good family life. He just said he can’t ever remember having a Christmas, getting presents, putting a tree up etc and his family are toxic. He dreads them ringing him
So there might be a reason your hubby doesn’t like Christmas

MarianaMoatedGrange · 08/12/2019 10:11

You need to reign it in OP. As a pp says, DC of that age are often more interested in the packaging than the presents.

Not everyone is happy with the commercial aspects of christmas. A pleasant, relaxed atmosphere and some nice food and drink is enough.

bigchris · 08/12/2019 10:11

It's the 8th December!

He might get in the Christmas spirit by actual Christmas

There is no need to do Christmas stuff every weekend before Christmas

Just relax !

bigchris · 08/12/2019 10:13

Sometimes you've got to put a brave face on, when you have children. So he should be doing that

Yeah he'll probably do that on CHRISTMAS EVE, when it's actually Christmas Hmm, it's awful being low this time of year , everyone except you to be jolly and merry and bright

Original poster
Daisydoo6799 · 08/12/2019 10:26

When did I say I have spent a fortune?
And yes, I do earn a fair wage, everything I've brought, I've paid for.

It's not even the not buying presents, that's fine, he has no money coming in, but there's no thought to what DS would like.

I brought a 6.99 mug and plate for santa milk and cookies and all i got back is "what u buy that for"

I grew up with traditions, maybe he didn't 🤷🏻‍♀️

And as for not buying a 15 month old presents at Xmas, I think that's my decision to make.
Not that I should have to Justify, but I've probably spent about 100 on DS and have done the last 2 months, so it's not been a big hit on My bank balance!

OP posts:
Puta · 08/12/2019 10:32

I brought a 6.99 mug and plate for santa milk and cookies and all i got back is "what u buy that for"

I’m with your DH. Don’t you already have a plate and a mug? What a waste of money.

Traditions are like nicknames: you can’t force them into existence.

Original poster
Daisydoo6799 · 08/12/2019 10:35

Well what a miserable bunch you lot are too! 😂😂

OP posts:
yellowallpaper · 08/12/2019 10:35

He sounds too depressed to participate. I think you need to educate yourself on how it feels to be depressed. Hopefully he is getting help

phoenixrosehere · 08/12/2019 10:36

It's not even the not buying presents, that's fine, he has no money coming in, but there's no thought to what DS would like.

So are the gifts you got DS going to have from mum? You do realise you’re making this more about you than your DS who won’t remember any of this.

You want to start traditions.
You want your OH to be more enthused about X-mas despite what is going on.
You want your DS to have this certain type of Christmas.

It’s only December 8th. There are still 17 days til Christmas and he may get into it then, if not why make it an issue that he’s not as enthusiastic as you are? As long as he isn’t in the room sulking on Christmas Day, why does it matter?

YABU.

ChristmasCroissant · 08/12/2019 10:37

I'm guessing this has always been an issue then? You've been unhappy about this and now you think he should follow your way because of the baby?

He's got no money coming in, you say, so yes buying a plate for Santa isn't going to look like a very good idea to him. You're both going to have to compromise to come up with a Christmas that works for your family, it doesn't have to be all one person's way.

bigchris · 08/12/2019 10:37

I grew up with traditions, maybe he didn't

Why don't you ask him Grin he's your husband not ours Grin

Baguetteaboutit · 08/12/2019 10:39

You sound exhausting, tbf. It's only the 8th.

dontgobaconmyheart · 08/12/2019 10:43

Miserable because we don't all agree- Grin come on OP!

Christmas isn't for everyone, it's ultimately a Christian holiday and you can't expect another person to be excited about the same thing as you anymore than you can expect that they say- must like a film you like, because its popular and you watched it as a child. Whatever the hype around it, it is just a day, the perks of which will be eating nice food and being with family which you will be- contriving activities and -'traditions' so you feel it matches up to a preconceived notion of your own perfect xmas sn't really necessary.

Health worries are no small thing either, and christmas is a hard time for those struggling. I'd just drop it - as others say maybe he will be feeling more positive nearer the time

Original poster
Daisydoo6799 · 08/12/2019 10:45

@phoexniserosehere

He will be sulking, all he does is sulk, with a miserable face on.

I don't think I'm Being unreasonable wanting him to participate in a few Xmas outings for our DS.

He walked round the Xmas lights with a face like a slapped ar#e.

Right now I may as well be a single parent.

OP posts:
MrsEricBana · 08/12/2019 10:45

He does sound depressed. He's feeling unwell. He has no income. It's the 8th of December. He's right that you don't need a special Santa plate and mug. We put treats out for Santa and Rudolph every year but on a regular plate. In a lot of households one person is the Christmas fixer. I am and it looks like you will be too. I agree it's a shame for you though. I really hope he feels better soon. Do something lovely for him today.

Heymummee · 08/12/2019 10:47

I can see this from both sides. My partner has never really been fussed about Christmas. He enjoys seeing the kids enjoy it, but doesn’t really want to get all festive so early in December.
After realising this is how he is, I leave him to it, but he’s also aware that this is all for the kids and him not joining in (eventually) is his loss.
I just do whatever I want to get excited about the build up, you don’t have to have your partner involved. I know it would be nice, but I found that my annoyance at him not getting involved throughout December just ruined my enjoyment of it anyway so I let it go. I’m Christmassy, he’s not.
If you add your partner’s health and money concerns it’s really no surprise he feels this way. I agree with PP that he may also find it more exciting when your DC gets older, mine certainly did.

Original poster
Daisydoo6799 · 08/12/2019 10:49

Think we're both depressed at, the situation, but at least I'm Trying.

OP posts:
Oysterbabe · 08/12/2019 10:50

You've got another 2 years before your DC gives anything approaching a shit about Christmas. I'd struggle to be enthusiastic about santa plates and Christmas eve boxes for a baby too. Absolutely pointless and your DH has more important things on his mind.

Swipe left for the next trending thread