Oh miserable about Xmas

[Daisydoo6799]

OH is so miserable about Xmas, it's like he's got no spirit at all.
We've got a 15 month old, so this is his first Xmas he's a bit more aware.

I have done ALL the thinking and shopping and buying DS presents, stocking, Xmas eve box.

Want to make our own traditions, do festive and xmassy things, and he's just not interested. ☹️

He's got a lot going on with his health and currently not working, so I know that's getting him down,
He doesn't want to spend any money, (which he hasn't done so far apart from 20 quid on a pottery plate and mug for his mum and dad from DS)
AIBU being cross with him?!

[FoamingAtTheUterus]

Op, contact fightback. They're on Facebook and will do the form for you. They have an amazing success rate and will.attend any tribunals etc. I'm guessing he has colitis or some other bowel condition ?? My sister struggled with it for years and it's miserable so.id.do have a.lot of sympathy for your partner. The pain doesn't let up, there's constant soreness and worry about not being near a loo........I can see why this has affected his.mental health so badly.

Not to mention not working he must feel like he isn't able to out into the pot so to speak, hugely emasculating........my dp would rather chop his balls off than not work or contribute. I think having a little of his own money will help financially and.will lift his spirits too.

[Marriedwithchildren5]

Honestly op. The second you mentioned your dh had some issues re depression everyone elses feelings are not important! I'd make christmas special. If my dh, who has zero input until the day, was negative id feel the same as you. Make it special. You only have so long to enjoy this stuff!

[Daisy7654]

There is nothing wrong with having a plate for santa, plenty of people have them and the above posters are very classist.
Makes me hate them and thus discount their snooty advice.

[MrsEricBana]

Nice

[RedskyToNight]

There is nothing wrong with having a plate for santa

but equally there is absolutely no requirement to have one, they do not make Christmas more magical, and a 15 month old won't even notice!! (Personally if I was going to buy a plate for Santa, I'd probably wait until my DC was 3 and let them choose one).

[PineappleDanish]

Yes it's a tradition to put out milk and a biscuit for Santa. (Whisky and shortbread in this house). But you don't need a special plate to do that! And a 15 month old child is going to have no idea what is going on. All they care about at that age is lights, boxes and wrapping paper.

There is no law which says you have to fully embrace everything Christmassy related from 1st December. There are lots of people who do not enjoy Christmas (me included) and loathe the whole consumerist special plate, festive bedding, christmas eve boxes, elves, yadda yadda nonsense which people are buying into. Total lack of imagination, buy your off the shelf tradition here.

[TheGoddessFrigg]

So he has a physical chronic health condition which is flaring up and no end in sight?

[ShatnersWig]

This is clearly NOT about Christmas whatsoever.

[LIZS]

Your child is 15 months, and will barely be aware it is anything different to any other day of the year. Ask OH what his idea of Christmas with a lo is. He sounds depressed but may get more enthusiastic if you don't dominate it all and give him some input. Tbh you sound ill matched.

[EleanorShellstrop100]

I think YABU and sort of doing it for the sake of it which I don’t really understand people doing... it’s clearly not a good time for your family to be doing Christmas and your son is too young to have a clue or even realize or care that it’s Christmas - I guarantee no matter what you’ve bought him, he will be more impressed by the box it came it! And nothing else will really mean much to him at this age. I think going OTT about Christmas when your DH is unwell and not working and not feeling good is quite insensitive. I don’t really see why people make such a big deal about Christmas unless they’re actually Christians, it feels very odd to me, especially when you consider that it seems to causes people so much stress and be detrimental to many people’s mental health and also costs an insane amount of money which people complain about. Christian? Go to church and have a nice dinner. Not Christian? Give it a miss for one year and don’t risk your DHs mental health. Your kid won’t have a clue. YABU.

[ReanimatedSGB]

What about OP's mental health? She's carrying this man, financially and in terms of doing all the domestic work and childcare. She's suggested he consult the doctor about his depressive symptoms but he won't do so. He can't help being ill, but it sounds like he's milking his illness rather than trying to improve his health. Does he, for instance, follow a restricted diet (as most people with digestive troubles are advised to) or does he whine and moan about how he can't eat what he wants, and repeatedly eat or drink things that are going to make his condition worse?

I think OP has had to put up with a lot of whining and moaning from this man and is tired of it, because it doesn't sound like he is willing to consider her - or DC - at all.

[Bluntness100]

You're clearly very angry, he's clearly depressed. I doubt you're helping each other. Maybe you could both try showing a bit of empathy to get each other through this.

[CSIblonde]

If hes depressed he's not going to be able to suddenly snap out of it for Xmas OP. Depression doesn't work like that. If his anti depressants aren't working maybe he needs a review as they often start low dose then need to up it. Christmas to you seems to be rather hyped & materialistic, but it's not about how many gifts & pointless cookies for Santa plates (you use ones in the cupboard unless you've more money than ham sense). Your child won't even remember this years being that young. Is the over excitement & spending maybe an over compensating thing because you feel everything else isn't great?