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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have handed these clothes back?

201 replies

CymaticPrincess88 · 15/10/2019 16:10

Basically the other day school phoned me to inform me that my DD had a stain on her top, I was aware, it had been washed. It was a rather stubborn stain but it seems a shame to chuck it away when it still has use?

Anyway she offered to give DD a spare top to wear and asked if this was okay to do so. I said if it was an issue then to carry on (in a much politer way than that of course)

Anyway later on that day DD arrives home still in the clearly cursed stained top. Has no idea about any spare tops. the following day she is sent home with a shirt she is told she can keep. I'm a bit Hmm at this point, but think no more of it.

Yesterday, she comes home with a bag of uniform bits. It seems that the teachers now think we are some sort of charity case who can't dress their kids. The joke of it is even if I did need these clothes, they're too small.

I'm more upset about the fact that my daughter was handed this bag of clothes in front of the whole class. No subtlety involved at all.

I seethed all night about it and then took them back this morning and handed them over to one of the staff, explaining my reasons above especially being handed them in front of the whole class and I'm now answering questions an 8 year old shouldn't be asking really, or shouldn't have to be asking, such as "Are we poor, mommy?"

Was I unreasonable to hand them back?

OP posts:
beckyvardy · 15/10/2019 16:13

No not unreasonable to hand then back but unreasonable to send your child into school in stained uniform.

You are making yourself look like you can't afford to replace either new or second hand.

You wouldn't go into work in stained clothing would you?

Lllot5 · 15/10/2019 16:14

No I would’ve done the same. But I wouldn’t have sent her in a stained top in the first place. 🤷‍♀️

ChardonnaysDistantCousin · 15/10/2019 16:14

Of course it’s not unreasonable to hand them back.

You dint need them, and you don’t want them, so why keep them.

Tohaveandtohold · 15/10/2019 16:14

Why did you send her to school the next day with the same stained school uniform?
I don’t think yabu to send the uniform back, as you said, you don’t need it so it should go to someone who really needs it but then you should have given her a different uniform the next day because the stain must have been so obvious for them to call you about it the first day.

makingmammaries · 15/10/2019 16:14

YWNBU. Since when has it been an issue for a child to wear a top with a stubborn stain? Odd that they assume you are too poor to replace, instead of just assuming that you prefer to make sensible use of resources.

Butchyrestingface · 15/10/2019 16:14

I’m thinking this must have been quite the stain.

Jaynesworld · 15/10/2019 16:17

@beckyvardy are you being serious. Day 2 back at school after the six weeks holiday. My dd had permanent marker on the back of her tshirt. If I replaced her tshirt everytime they got stained, I'd be buying them every few days!

Original poster
CymaticPrincess88 · 15/10/2019 16:18

I didn't send her back in the same top two days running. I don't know where you are getting that.

OP posts:
Bigregrets19 · 15/10/2019 16:19

I would of done the same. But equally I'd never send my dc in stained clothes..although I am probably a bit too particular about stuff like that.

Original poster
CymaticPrincess88 · 15/10/2019 16:20

I used to be before I realised I was bankrolling asda in the purchase of polo shirts.

OP posts:
PriscillaTheHun · 15/10/2019 16:20

Any chance you can post a photo of the offending top / stain?

Then we can decide who IBU.

Pinkyyy · 15/10/2019 16:20

How bad of a stain are we talking?

Original poster
CymaticPrincess88 · 15/10/2019 16:21

To be clear, by the way, I sent her in once in a stained top, last week. I have since thrown it out as I can't remove the stain no matter what I try. Also because it is apparently so offensive?!

OP posts:
Original poster
CymaticPrincess88 · 15/10/2019 16:21

Basically a ten pence sized stain realistically.

OP posts:
Original poster
CymaticPrincess88 · 15/10/2019 16:22

What is also funny while I think on it, they were complaining about her polo shirts, and sent home a bag of school trousers, skirts and pinafores.

OP posts:
nothanksbyenow · 15/10/2019 16:23

Lol at bankrolling Asda - I am bankrolling Sainsbury’s with cardigan purchases. I think the teachers might have acted with the best interests of your kid but they really haven’t thought through the execution! YANBU

ambereeree · 15/10/2019 16:23

I'd be annoyed too OP. If the top is clean bar the stain what's the problem? Was it ink?

AloeVeraLynn · 15/10/2019 16:23

Was it a bit of that annoying marker pen or a little dot of stubborn spag bol? Or a big obvious grubby looking stain? I think there's a big difference.

ConfusedStressed · 15/10/2019 16:26

I dont mean this unkindly im just asking to get an idea why the teachers may have done this, does your DD look unkempt in anyway?

My next door neighbour is an alcoholic, her childrens clothes are always in poor condition and school have always gifted her children with uniforms and coats ect,

Mephisto · 15/10/2019 16:27

Is it a white polo top?

It’s very easy to get stains out of white clothing, you just bleach it! That’s the best thing about white clothes.

DrCoconut · 15/10/2019 16:27

Firstly tell her there is no shame in being poor (even if you're personally not). Secondly, it's wasteful to throw clothes away due to minor stains. Huge or offensive ones ok but a little bit of pen or something no way. That's what school uniform is for partly, to avoid getting your regular clothes trashed. Massive and bizarre over reaction from school.

JasBBGG · 15/10/2019 16:28

YANBU. Was it marker pen from the boards? Our whole school is covered in it after week one!

Original poster
CymaticPrincess88 · 15/10/2019 16:30

Tbh I thought if I bleached it it would go yellow.

It was a ketchup/tomato sauce based stain.

OP posts:
Branleuse · 15/10/2019 16:31

Is there another school colour thats acceptable that you can dye the tops?
I couldnt keep white polo shirts nice, but school accepted them in burgundy to match jumpers, so I dyed them all.

Otherwise bleaching them works, or facing the stain to the sun on the line for a couple of days is quite effective if you can find some sun

WorraLiberty · 15/10/2019 16:33

You were BU to send her in wearing a top with a really noticeable stain, when 'it seems a shame to chuck it away as it still has use'.

Yet now all of a sudden you've chucked it away?

They were being unreasonable to hand her the clothes in front of the class.

But you are being VVU to use the charming term "Charity case".

Have you any idea how insulting and demeaning that phrase is to parents who really can't afford to dress their kids and need a bit of help? Hmm