To have handed these clothes back?

[CymaticPrincess88]

Basically the other day school phoned me to inform me that my DD had a stain on her top, I was aware, it had been washed. It was a rather stubborn stain but it seems a shame to chuck it away when it still has use?

Anyway she offered to give DD a spare top to wear and asked if this was okay to do so. I said if it was an issue then to carry on (in a much politer way than that of course)

Anyway later on that day DD arrives home still in the clearly cursed stained top. Has no idea about any spare tops. the following day she is sent home with a shirt she is told she can keep. I'm a bit at this point, but think no more of it.

Yesterday, she comes home with a bag of uniform bits. It seems that the teachers now think we are some sort of charity case who can't dress their kids. The joke of it is even if I did need these clothes, they're too small.

I'm more upset about the fact that my daughter was handed this bag of clothes in front of the whole class. No subtlety involved at all.

I seethed all night about it and then took them back this morning and handed them over to one of the staff, explaining my reasons above especially being handed them in front of the whole class and I'm now answering questions an 8 year old shouldn't be asking really, or shouldn't have to be asking, such as "Are we poor, mommy?"

Was I unreasonable to hand them back?

[Zeldasmagicwand]

The School staff are plain bonkers. Kids get stains on clothes - usually mud, grass and non-washable paint(!!)
I can’t imagine for one millisecond that my kid’s school would waste time worrying about children wearing stained clothes unless there was a lot more to it and obvious safeguarding concerns.

If they’d sent the clothes to me, I’d return them and tell them they were being completely ridiculous.

[Sara107]

My daughter is always sent to school in clean fresh clothes, when she was little it was changed top to toe every day although now her skirts and jumpers usually do a couple of days. But after a busy day at school she comes home with evidence of activity - paint, glue, dinner, mud, pen etc on her clothes. Some washes out, some doesn’t. I don’t discard perfectly good uniform because it has a mark on it and I would be very irritated if the teachers made an issue out of it.

[TwoPupsandaHamster]

All Primary School aged children get stains on their clothing (some more than others). Schools don't hand out free uniform items to children with a stain on their polo shirt.

[Parsimon]

Vanish pre-treatment when dc takes shirt off. Then put in the wash when I do the whites, with a scoop of stain remover. Dry in sun.

If the stain hasn’t come out with all that lot, it’s not going to come out, and dc will still wear it. If clothes get ripped, I patch and mend. School uniform gets replaced when it is outgrown or beyond repair. We can afford to buy new when the dc tear or stain their uniform, but that’s clearly not the best thing for the planet... OP has my sympathy.

[EllaEllaE]

well...to those saying the school overreached. I think on the whole I'm glad that schools are looking out for kids whose families might actually need help.

If sometimes they get it wrong and end up embarrassing someone, then honestly I think that's an ok price to pay if there are other children who do need help, getting it. Your kid is not poor, she will get over this one incident pretty quickly. The kid who is poor will hopefully be a little bit protected from one of the consequences of actually being poor, every day.

You had your feelings hurt, but I think if someone was to make too much of a fuss about them getting the wrong idea, the teachers might think twice next time about helping a child who really does need it.

[Ginqueen20]

This would offend me, children get covered in all sorts at school (if not why not when they should be playing outside/arts and crafts etc) I don’t replace uniform with stains it’s a waste of money and not good for the environment, but they are always well dressed and clean. Teachers shouldn’t be judging anyone, I’ll bet half the class had at least one stain on their clothing too.

[applesandacorns]

I can't get past the fact that the school actually phoned you up to tell you there was a stain on her top...

[loutypips]

Just because something is stained, it doesn't mean it's dirty! Sometimes things can be washed multiple times and it just won't shift. That's why I don't buy the logo shirts, can't boil or bleach those.
Think it's a bit presumptuous of the school to send home a bag of clothes, personally I'd rather my child wear a clean (but maybe stained) uniform, than some grubby lost-property!

[Paddingtonthebear]

This is a bit weird. They actually phoned you to say she had a stain on her top? Is this is private school?

I think they are being a little ridiculous. However the phone call and the donated bag of clothes would make me think that regardless of what I think, your school sees your child as scruffy and possibly in need. I would be embarrassed enough by that to replace the school clothes.

[QueSera]

Sounds to me like the school was being kind. How can you take offence at that?
And I don't see anything wrong with the question "Are we poor, Mummy?" from an 8yo. Children should be learning about money from an early age.

[Sparklypurpleunicornsaremyfav]

My son is in years 10 he has to wear white shirts, his school are pretty strict on uniform, however i have repeatedly sent him in with ink stains on his breast pocket where he's kept his pens and even worse iodine, couldn't do anything with that,if school had said any thing i would have told them where to go,they gave him the stuff without any protection,its their fault!

[starfishmummy]

My son was often stained and crumpled. I'd replace as needed throughout the year through either staining or growth. However I didn't ever do the big "everything new for september" purchasing that everyone finds so necessary. He was a slow grower so, shock horror some of his stuff (bought with growing room) lasted him several years!!

[Betty777]

I don't have time to read the whole thread - but this is very odd to me?!

If clothes are clean, and your daughter appears to be generally clean, why on earth should they care about a stain on her top? And is everyone actually saying that kids clothes with stains on should be thrown away to be replaced (There will be no world for OP's daughter to inherit if we keep thinking like that)

My kid is at private school, but thankfully that only wants the children to be warm and dry in their uniform (whilst they concentrate on their education)
If you WERE in need of help with clothes, the teacher should have handed you stuff/spoken to you, not sent it home with your daughter publicly

[Kaddm]

The school phoned you to inform you that your dd’s top was stained wtf?

You don’t even get a call about a head injury at ours!

Anyway. Yanbu to keep using a stained top unless it looks really shocking. Tell them to think of the environment!

[Olive30]

I really agree with Betty777
What an incredible example of overstepping the mark by the school, op. Perhaps done with good intentions but patronising and an example of nanny stateism.

Unless there is more than is written here, surely schools have enough to focus on without meddling like this! Maybe a teacher who is new to the profession and is very keen but has not yet learnt to use a bit of discretion??

[Nottheduchess]

It’s a stain! It’s hardly unwashed. In today’s throwaway society where we are told to recycle and reuse clothes, I can’t believe people are chiding you over sending your DC in a marked top. My DS white school tshirt has a few faded Spag Bol splashes. No way I’ll waste them, he can have them until they are too small at which point they’ll go to a charity shop where someone can do with them what they will.

[mathanxiety]

How tactless of the school. Plus patronising, and way OTT.

www.thespruce.com/steps-to-remove-tough-ketchup-stains-1901032
Don't dry the shirt in a dryer.

[TSSDNCOP]

You can easily tell the difference between a clean top with a stain, and a filthy to with a stain. If the child is clearly clean and kempt surely school would (if they really had to think about it at all) think ah well it’s nearly half term she’ll likely just be seeing the days out with this top and then get new.

[LisaD76]

Sorry but my daughters cardigan got swiped on the sleeve with a whiteboard marker in year 2or3 and even though the school said it washes out I couldn’t remove it. She had five cardigans and I still used it in rotation with the others as I figured she would add loads of stains throughout the year anyway

[Drabarni]

Bloody hell, my kids all wore stained clothes, you don't throw them away. A month into the new school year most kids had a stain or two.

[Nearly47]

The teacher was wrong to just assume that you needed charity. I've sent my children many times with stains on their shirts. They often had markers/ pen stains that are really hard to remove and I wouldn't replace the shirt if they stains weren't too big. Never heard nothing from teachers. This is teacher actions were a bit odd

[FelicisNox]

YANBU but the school thought they were helping (although poorly executed). I think you handled it well: best to exist yourself than leave them thinking god knows what and continuing to act on a wrong assumption.

Have you tried the Vanish crystal white stain remover? You can get a tub from B&M for about £3 and it's bloody marvellous.... I swear it can get anything out!

[Bobbi73]

I have two children who manage to get their t-shirts filthy every day. I wash them but I send them in slightly stained t-shirts quite alot as otherwise it would have to be a new one every day. At the beginning of term they go in looking so smart in their new shirts but they never stay that way.
That said however, they are both in primary school. I think things will be different in secondary

[Greenglassteacup]

It’s hard to understand why the school would get so excited about a child wearing a clean polo shirt with a small faded stain on it. Have they got nothing better to do?

[thebillmoon]

I am afraid to say, I agree with the other people here, 'no stained top to school'. Equally, no need to throw it away. Ideal when she is mucking about at home.
Regarding the stain: get some cheap washing up liquid (WUL) (the cheap stuff seems to work better for what I an about to tell you to do) and put top in sink. Squirt WUL straight onto the stain. Add a small amount of water and give a little scrub to encourage bubbles and 'activate' the WUL. Leave in sink overnight. Rinse it, it should bring out even stubborn stains. If there is still a stain then boil water and put more WUL on, scrub a little, then hit it with boiling water.
Also, all of the above also works a treat for Olive oil.