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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have handed these clothes back?

201 replies

CymaticPrincess88 · 15/10/2019 16:10

Basically the other day school phoned me to inform me that my DD had a stain on her top, I was aware, it had been washed. It was a rather stubborn stain but it seems a shame to chuck it away when it still has use?

Anyway she offered to give DD a spare top to wear and asked if this was okay to do so. I said if it was an issue then to carry on (in a much politer way than that of course)

Anyway later on that day DD arrives home still in the clearly cursed stained top. Has no idea about any spare tops. the following day she is sent home with a shirt she is told she can keep. I'm a bit Hmm at this point, but think no more of it.

Yesterday, she comes home with a bag of uniform bits. It seems that the teachers now think we are some sort of charity case who can't dress their kids. The joke of it is even if I did need these clothes, they're too small.

I'm more upset about the fact that my daughter was handed this bag of clothes in front of the whole class. No subtlety involved at all.

I seethed all night about it and then took them back this morning and handed them over to one of the staff, explaining my reasons above especially being handed them in front of the whole class and I'm now answering questions an 8 year old shouldn't be asking really, or shouldn't have to be asking, such as "Are we poor, mommy?"

Was I unreasonable to hand them back?

OP posts:
Branleuse · 15/10/2019 16:33

but yes, if you send your kids in in visibly stained uniform, then it looks like you either dont care, or cant afford to replace, so its really quite nice that the school did what they did

SoupDragon · 15/10/2019 16:34

Tomato based stains usually disappear if you leave the item in the sun.

Not much use in the miserable autumn weather.

Original poster
CymaticPrincess88 · 15/10/2019 16:35

First of all, Worra, unfortunetly you don't get to police what terms I use. It's amazing how freedom of speech works.

Second of all yes I have thrown it away I daren't send her back in it lest I get another bag of ill fitting uniform.

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 15/10/2019 16:35

but unreasonable to send your child into school in stained uniform

Absolute rubbish - local schools here don’t care if clothes are stained as the kids just get mucky at school anyway. No issue as the kids don’t smell so have baths.

That’s what uniform is for

Bluerussian · 15/10/2019 16:37

beckyvardy:

You are making yourself look like you can't afford to replace either new or second hand.
.......
I thought that too. If I have a stubborn stain on clothes, the clothes are just used to do housework or gardening or the like.

Poor kid shouldn't have to go to school with stained clothes.

eddiemairswife · 15/10/2019 16:37

The school seem to be making a stupid fuss over a small stain on a clean top.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 15/10/2019 16:37

Woah! Stains on uniform are bad? I thought uniforms were worn so that your good clothes didnt get stained and worn through! You wear a school uniform until you can't get any body part into it!

WorraLiberty · 15/10/2019 16:38

First of all, Worra, unfortunetly you don't get to police what terms I use. It's amazing how freedom of speech works.

No-one gets to police what insulting draconian terms MNetters choose to use about parents/children who live in poverty.

But that's not going to stop me telling someone I think they're out of order when I see them doing it.

Bluerussian · 15/10/2019 16:38

I've just read your latest post, Cymatic. It seems you have tackled the problem, done the right thing.

HugoSpritz · 15/10/2019 16:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fruitbrewhaha · 15/10/2019 16:38

ketchup comes out really easily. Hang it in the sunshine, the light breaks it down.

Original poster
CymaticPrincess88 · 15/10/2019 16:39

I'm not out of order though, you're putting words in my mouth.

OP posts:
ActualHornist · 15/10/2019 16:40

I am so confused. I don’t replace school polo shirts when they get stained, they get stained almost daily but are clean. They do lots of arts and crafts and one kid is left handed so gets ink everywhere. Ridiculous to replace every time!

beckyvardy · 15/10/2019 16:41

I just wouldn't send my kids to school in stained uniform I'd replace it. 🤷🏻‍♀️.

There aren't that many stains they get from school that won't come out with a bit of vanish or soaking.

WorraLiberty · 15/10/2019 16:42

Referring to anyone as a 'charity case' is out of order.

It's that sort of labeling that prevents people asking for help for themselves and their kids when they really need it.

It's an outdated term and a nasty one. If you don't agree then that's your prerogative.

Strangerthingshere · 15/10/2019 16:42

YANBU at all, and I was would be really annoyed too! Firstly if your daughter is clean then a small stain isn't relevant. My kids come home from school covered in marker, paint, glue etc. I personally don't tend to send mine to school with stains unless its towards the end of the school year, but I understand why others do.

The clothes is a major issue, they should have checked with you first before sending clothes home and this should absolutely have been done discreetly. My kids school had a system so nobody knows which children get school meals paid for them, to prevent bullying and stereotyping. I would absolutely complain, but I would've sent my daughter back with the bag the next day to five back to the teacher with a "my mum says we don't need these, thanks"

SoupDragon · 15/10/2019 16:42

There aren't that many stains they get from school that won't come out with a bit of vanish or soaking.

Clearly your school uses different pens and paint to the one my DC went to 😂

coffeeeandtv · 15/10/2019 16:42

In the years my kids have been in school I've realised that the pristine white shirts stay just that for the first wear, no matter how much pen/paint they get on them I just wash/iron and back on the following week. I think the school were being unreasonable.....FWIW.... if you get a food stain on white shirt/polo top wash it as usual then fold it in a way so you can expose the stain to sunlight, even on a dull day like today it will fade, although sometimes it can take a few days this works much better than any stain devil and I was given the top by a chap who is a chemist at a detergent factory.

NearlyGranny · 15/10/2019 16:44

Tomato based stains are the worst - and kids eating school dinners + white polo shirts = laundry dilemmas.

I've been in and out of several schools with prominent displays of grubby uniform annotated with what exciting activities produced each stain, clearly aimed at getting parents to chill about scool-acquired stains but never have I heard of a school that fussed!

Does the school boast green credentials or have eco-friendly policies? If so, I'd challenge them about perfectly serviceable clothing being condemned to landfill and stain-policing encouraging water pollution with harsh chemicals for bleach.

Make them defend their stance. You may find it's just one rogue out-of-line teacher.

Baboutheocelot · 15/10/2019 16:45

My son gets stains all over his white polo shirts. I’m not buying more as he will just come home with stains on the new ones. I’ve tried all sorts of stain removers, the sun is the best but not much of that around right now. His school has never said anything about it and he has never noticed either.

ShinyGiratina · 15/10/2019 16:45

Mine have most t-shirts with some kind of indelible mark on by this stage of the year. I'm not wasting money and the planet's resources by trying to keep up with maintaining a gleaming white look with constant replacement of t-shirts.

Even at this time of the year, a few days left out on the washing line will still deal with tomato based stains. Not quite the couple of hours from summer sunshine, but there is still some UV to do it with patience.

beckyvardy · 15/10/2019 16:46

They must do or they must make them wear something over their uniform because she doesn't come home with pen or paint on her.

Usually just dinner.

raspberryk · 15/10/2019 16:46

Use sunlight or bleach, I would send mine with maybe a tiny dot of an ink stain if it was the last polo clean and dry in the house, but I wouldn't send DC with a 10p size stain on a top no.

TheFairyCaravan · 15/10/2019 16:47

To get most stains out you need to treat the back and the front of the fabric. It's rare that I can't get a stain out doing that with some Vanish spray. Ace laundry bleach for whites, sold in Wilkinson's for £1 brings the whites up lovely.

Hairspray gets ink out of fabrics. DS1 wore a white T-shirt when he went to get a tattoo and the bloke managed to cover it in ink. He said it wouldn't come out, DS1 said "you've not met my mum!" A full can of Aldi hairspray, a 40 degree wash later and it was as good as new.

Drum2018 · 15/10/2019 16:48

YANBU. I'd have been pissed off too. Tomato stains are hard to shift. The school were being complete fuckers to contact you about one stain on a top. I'd have thought the person calling was unhinged if I received such a call.