To have handed these clothes back?

[CymaticPrincess88]

Basically the other day school phoned me to inform me that my DD had a stain on her top, I was aware, it had been washed. It was a rather stubborn stain but it seems a shame to chuck it away when it still has use?

Anyway she offered to give DD a spare top to wear and asked if this was okay to do so. I said if it was an issue then to carry on (in a much politer way than that of course)

Anyway later on that day DD arrives home still in the clearly cursed stained top. Has no idea about any spare tops. the following day she is sent home with a shirt she is told she can keep. I'm a bit at this point, but think no more of it.

Yesterday, she comes home with a bag of uniform bits. It seems that the teachers now think we are some sort of charity case who can't dress their kids. The joke of it is even if I did need these clothes, they're too small.

I'm more upset about the fact that my daughter was handed this bag of clothes in front of the whole class. No subtlety involved at all.

I seethed all night about it and then took them back this morning and handed them over to one of the staff, explaining my reasons above especially being handed them in front of the whole class and I'm now answering questions an 8 year old shouldn't be asking really, or shouldn't have to be asking, such as "Are we poor, mommy?"

Was I unreasonable to hand them back?

[Densol999]

You refer to ADSA - thats in the UK
But refer to being called "Mommy" which is a USA term
Lots of references lately to mumsnet staff creating false posts to create traffic
Is this one ?

[mathanxiety]

There are regions of the UK where Mommy or Mom are used instead of Mummy or Mum.
Also places where Mammy/Mam are used.

[mathanxiety]

And why would MN staff (who are British, based on the UK) use an American term

[Sparklypurpleunicornsaremyfav]

I know to people from the Birmingham area who say mom/mommy, its how they pronounce it in that area 🙄

[Lostthefairytale]

My child's school insist on giving them whiteboard markers in reception. I bought 3 jumpers at the start of term, they are all stained already, as are most of the classes jumpers. He will be going in stained tops because otherwise I will be spending £40 per week on jumpers. According to this thread that makes me a terrible parent. Surely most primary school children end up with stained clothes?!

[Thegreymethod]

I think you should have a word with school about how they've acted they've gone way OTT!! If your child goes in in dirty clothes every day then fair enough but 1 stain on 1 day?
Our school has to have official polo shirt that costs about £8 each and I've got 3 children there what if they stained one a week each?
My child came out COVERED in black paint on the first week of term it came out luckily but I'd have been annoyed if it hadn't I'd have really begrudged replacing a 4 day old T-shirt!! children should be able to enjoy school and get messy if needs be without worrying about their clothes.

[CatteStreet]

This would make me want to send my child in a top with a different stain every week, tbh.

OP, I think this was done to shame you, via her, and damn the impact on her. Otherwise, they would have enquired during the phone call whether they could help, and been a lot more sensitive about handing over the bag of clothes.

A stained top isn't great, true. But we are all going to have to get a lot less particular about things (washing clothes after every wear, etc, and thresholds of the state of clothes for binning) for environmental reasons.

[Parkwood]

I think it is really odd the school made an issue of it. My DC’s school make a point during the first induction to tell new parents not to worry about stains on uniform. They know that some things like white board pens don’t come off. Within two weeks all of my DDs polos have some permanent stains but have obviously been washed, look white and smell fresh. We live in an affluent area of the southeast so it is not an income or demographic issue. I really appreciate the school being down to earth about it as I cannot stand the amount of waste generated when parents feel they need to throw away perfectly good clothes because they have a bit of pen on.

[cherish123]

OP has said the stain wouldn't shift. Sometimes marks like permanent marker don't come out. Buy her a new one ASAP, though. I would take the clothes back and say your daughter doesn't need them and doesn't wear thrift.

[nuxe1984]

If the top is clean then a couple of stains won't matter. Children do messy things at school. Their clothes get stained. Even if you can afford it it's not environmentally friendly to replace an item of clothing that still fits and has wear in it just because of a stain. Especially a children's item of clothing!!!

[masterchef98]

So glad my kids dont have uniform and noone cares if their clothes are stained /ripped through normal kid use. (They have tonnes of clothes they can wear but always choose their most worn in comfy clothes)

[justintimberlakesfishwife]

I have no idea how some parents keep their DC's white polo shirts actually white and stain free. My kid's tops are pretty much covered after one wear, and no amount of Vanish etc gets them back to white again. My youngest looks like an urchin, in stained tops coupled with odd socks (his choice) and crazy hair, again his choice. If I wanted to never send my child in without stains on their tops, we'd be buying new shirts weekly!

[imsoootired]

Totally missing point ... but the best stain remover is pure soap from Sainsbury’s 4 bars for £1.50 . Cold water on stain ( before it’s been through wash ideally ) lather on soap leave it for 5 mins or so then chuck it in wash .. I even grate some to go in washing machine .. gets most stuff off .. used it for school white polo shirt when eldest had schools dinners ... she looked like she had rolled in it .. got most stains out ... I’m a face painter for use it to clean my brushes ..

[Generallybewildered]

I think my son went to school most days when he was Yr1/2 in stained tops. Clean but stained. I always kept back 1 or 2 nice ones for photo days, assemblies etc but he came back covered in pen/paint/ mud/grass/spag Bol/ ketchup every day. I gave up.
Even at age 9 he came home last week in his pe kit with a bag of soaking, muddy school uniform having done a football slide through a puddle. The mud hasn’t come out of his shirt despite 2 washes and vanish.

[Toomuchtrouble4me]

I’d send mine in tops with a stain on - like a paint splodge or similar. So long as it had been washed I wouldn’t bat an eyelid and nor would the school.

[Tubbymummy44]

How odd. I'd have taken them back too. My youngest comes home covered in all sorts. First day back at school in a brand new shirt and his friend had drawn black flecks on his shirt. He'd worn it once. I'm not binning it! Have a few other slightly stained shirts but I absolutely will not get rid until they look scruffy from over use/washing etc. I can't afford to be buying 5 new polo shirts each week ffs

[Keepitjuicyjuicy]

All the perfect mums on here who have shares in Daz and extra thick bleach...children get stains on their clothing, it doesn't automatically mean a child is living in abject poverty. YANBU I would have done the same thing. Also the state the kids come back home in is very rarely the state they left in, are parents automatically to assume they are not being watched to get in that state?? I find schools have double standards about situations like this.

[BillHadersNewWife]

This is why I think most school uniforms are ridiculously impractical.

WHY put small children in white tops?? It's stupid! Schools should choose navy or similar.

Nice navy polo shirt would look smart. Though I personally hate the idea of unforms anyway. I understand the psychology behind it....helps them feel part of a group, reminds them to be respectful when out and about etc.

But kids are kids and should be comfortable. Most of the skirts and trousers sold are nasty, nylon mixes.

The children could easily wear tidy jogging bottoms with no logos and a t shirt and sweatshirt....schools could have a choice of bright colours with navy being one of them so that kids who tend to make messes, could wear those.

[Rachie1973]

Lol. I would have had so many calls if this was my kids school, they got new uniform each sept, but they also wore hand me downs with some stains lol,

Luckily, 6 kids in the school knew us well,

[mizzmelli]

In ASDA they are 7 to 8 quid for 5 polo shirts. She can have a clean one every day! And I know this to be true cos I have just got my little lads uniform lol. Another point dont EVER give em anything tomato based for tea while they are wearing just said shirts lol. Oh and by the way get all the shirts on Friday and kick them in the washer with a good old scoop of Vanish. hope that helps! Oh and by the way the teachers were being a bit insensetive IMO. x

[Countryescape]

Who gives a crap about a stain? My daughter got biro stains on her brand new polos. I tried everything and it didnt come out. She still wears them to school. How dare they be so rude!

[manicmij]

Is it a regular occurrence to send DD with stained clothes? If a rare event, surely the teacher would know it was probably a one off. Not a crime to send children to school with stained clothing unless constant and grubby. You will know the situation best. YWNBU to return the clothing if not needed and too small anyway. The school should have given you the bag of clothes not your DD.

[Sparrowlegs248]

Ds1 started reception this year, so far he has 2 stained white polo shirts and 1 stained school logo sweatshirt. The sweatshirt was covered in paint and despite rinsing soaking stain removing etc it's still visible. I will still be sending him to school in it

Yanbu, I wouldn't have been happy!

[Sarah248]

I will have a similar problem. My daughter is 5 and is in year 1. For the last two days she has come home in stained tops from painting. I have washed them, twice and soaked them in bleach. They won't come clean. So she will have to continue to wear them until September when I can afford to buy new ones. My husband works 50 hours a week to keep a roof over our heads and bills paid. There isn't enough spare money to replace uniform that can't be cleaned. Why can't the school put aprons on the kids?

[mathanxiety]

My old school and the school my DCs went to asked that parents supply an art smock or an old T-shirt to wear over uniform for Art days.

@Sarah248
Could you send your DD in with an old T-shirt to wear over her uniform when she has Art? Or suggest to the teacher that she makes this request to parents?

As an aside, I don't know why schools use non-washable paint. Even with the old T-shirts, my DDs and DS still got spots of paint on their uniform shirts. My mum offered to embroider over the splotches